“I wish that someone would just listen to me” — we have all either heard this sentence or said it ourselves. We all need someone to listen to what we have to say, to share our problems and just let us vent our feelings.

Here listening doesn’t mean hearing out what the other person has to say but it actually means understanding what they are saying and maybe provide some feedback or words of assurance.

Sharing problem

Sometimes your friend is in trouble and needs someone to share what he/she feels or what is going on in their mind. They may muster the courage of opening up to you. You have a great responsibility of listening and understanding them.

Don’t make fun

If your friend is telling you about something, don’t interrupt, make fun of it or brush it off as if it is nothing serious. What your friend is trying to say may seem nothing very important or serious to you, but to your friend it is.

You should feel lucky that someone thought to share their personal problems with you. So don’t let your friend feel down by making fun of his/her problem. Here them out first before making any observations.

Realise its importance

Sharing or revealing a personal feeling is never easy, so if someone is telling you something about his/her life, realise that it matters to them that’s why they are discussing it with you and not with others. In fact, you should feel honoured and valued, so respond in kind.

Be responsive!

Listening to someone doesn’t mean saying ‘Hmm…’, ‘Oh’, etc., at the correct time, it also means that you listen to them with all your attention so that you understand what the other person wants to convey or share with you.

It is not easy for someone to open up with their feelings in front of others, so listen with attention, and don’t wander off in your thoughts.

After you have heard what your friend had to say, offer advice only if you feel that’s what they are looking for. It can be that they just needed someone to say what was in their heart and mind and feel lighter, and hadn’t come looking for advice.

Try to come up with some advice or a solution if required, but do make sure that it is something that is genuinely right for them and don’t say things to just make them feel happy, because sometimes what is best for them, or the truth, is not something that may make them happy.

Don’t share

Whatever your friend told you, it’s just for your ears, only so do not tell others about it. Remember people confide only on those they trust. So be responsible about what you share with others. And keep in mind that things have a way of getting around and your friend will eventually come to know that you broke their trust and told others what they said.

Always remember that you must be there when someone, either your family member or your friend, needs you!

Published in Dawn, Young World, July 27th, 2019