Assalaam Alaikum Auntie, 

I am a 23-year-old from Larkana. My cousin and I were once in love. Unfortunately, she was married off to someone else and, now, she has a baby girl with that man. However, she is no longer happy with her married life and contacted me recently to ask if I would accept her if she were to get a divorce.

While I still love her and respect her wishes, I am afraid of what our family members will say, if we were to take that step, considering I am a bachelor and she is a married woman with a child. I am stuck in limbo and need your advice.
Confused

‘My Ex Wants to End Her Unhappy Marriage to Be With Me’

Dear Confused,
So, for everyone who missed the world’s reaction to Andy Byron and Kristin Cabot last week, let’s talk. Not every love story is meant to end up in marriage. And, as we saw this past week, some get interrupted with plot twists that no one saw coming. You, my love, need to avoid that.

So, you and your cousin had a relationship in the past. She was married off to someone else. She now has a child and an unhappy marriage. And she is coming back into your life, asking if you will take her back or not.

Let’s put the emotions aside and take another look at this. If she decides to end her marriage, the only reason for it should be that she wants to get out of that relationship and not because she will be walking into marriage with you.

First of all, this is not fair to her child, who will be separated from her father through no fault of her own. Please remember that a child’s life is affected by major changes such as divorce and new partners. 

If she decides to end her marriage, the only reason for it should be that she wants to get out of that relationship and not because she will be walking into marriage with you.

It will also not be fair to the woman herself because the decision to leave should come from her own clarity about her current marriage and not from hoping she will get into another relationship. There is no guarantee of that. 

Finally, it is not fair on you because, if she is making such a huge life decision and expecting you to step in right away, you will end up feeling pressured. You shouldn’t marry out of guilt. Divorce is a serious step and jumping from one relationship into another is unacceptable in most parts of the world, including ours.

A lot of ‘being in love’ is spent fantasising in cultures such as ours. The reality is very different. Are you ready for what it means to marry a divorced woman with a child? Are you ready to face a family and a society that will judge you for what you did? Are you ready for many to assume that she was having an affair while married. Are you prepared to be a father to her daughter?

Think deeply about these things if you are considering saying yes.

If you still want to be with her, you will need real courage to face society’s disapproval. You should also think about leaving town because many in similar situations do that. If you are even a little bit unsure or if you fear “what people will say”, then you need to be honest with her and yourself.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, July 27th, 2025