Jane has the best grades in her school. Her teachers simply adore her. She wins scholarships every year and, to top it all off, she is pretty as a peach.

“So, she is beauty with brains huh? Big deal!” remarked Alice, one of Jane’s classmates while chatting with her friend on phone, “I wouldn’t still want to be her. Why? Because she doesn’t have any friends! When she opens her mouth she doesn’t talk, she practically shouts at others.”

At which both the friends shared a good laugh. So, no matter how talented and bright Jane might be, she still isn’t quite successful and popular as she lags behind in one area very crucial to success — civility.

Nowadays most of us are hardly interested in being polite and showing good manners, however, civility is very essential for our day-to-day success, in achieving our long-term goals and maintaining good and lasting relationships.

A widely acknowledged definition of civility is ‘relating to or having the characteristics of advancement as in society or culture or being marked by an appearance of thoughtfulness or consideration, common courtesy and tactfulness’.

Politeness is an important part of social etiquettes and indicates to others that you are a nice person. This way people respond much better to you and this helps you in being successful with them and in making lots of friends. When you are polite with others, even with those who are harsh to you, you feel better about yourself and you can also feel good about the fact that you are not like them and behave in a much better and reasonable manner. It will also help you in seeing the world in a different light and will make you an optimist and you will start seeing everything positively, which in turn will enhance your personality.

On the contrary, if you are impolite, it gives birth to unnecessary hostilities and those around you will think very low of you.

Speaking in terms of health, civility decreases stress levels, enhances mood and generates a feeling of relaxation. Stress levels for all ages is increasing, indicating a raise in metal tension and disturbed state of mind. One of the major reasons can be lack of proper behaviour, which further indicates the necessity and importance of polite behaviour towards others. We must be civil in all aspects of our life and soon the positive change it will bring will become apparent. It is absolute essential for not only being successful in life but also for our well-being, and while for many to be polite remains a challenge, the rules are universal and simple and here they are.

Say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’: Saying “Please” at the end of each request we make to others, makes them respond quickly to our request. But remember not to be insistent with your request. Also, when someone does a favour to you, say ‘Thank you’.

Smile: A smile is not only to beauty what salt is to food, but it is also a polite gesture. Always keep a soft smile on your face, especially when talking to others.

Greeting: Try to greet others first. After greeting, never forget to inquire about the health of the person you are talking to even if you do not talk to them too often. This will definitely leave a good impression on the other person about you.

Listen: Always let the other person talk about himself / herself more during a conversation. Be confident and pleasant. Listen with interest what the other person has to say and do not look distracted. Never interrupt people when they are speaking.

Never pass mean or insulting comments, especially about someone’s personality.

The right tone: Use the right tone of voice when talking to others, i.e., a softer tone of voice when speaking. No one appreciates a loud tone in conversation.

Holding doors open: Hold doors open for everyone, especially the elderly when going out with them as it is considered very polite to hold a door open for the person entering behind you.

Being honest: Always be honest and yes, it is absolutely fine to disagree with the other person on any topic so be honest and voice your opinion. But being honest does not mean you have to be rude. If the other person inquires about your opinion then tell them gently using phrases such as, “I think it would be better if....”

Being considerate: When talking to others, turn off your cell phone and treat everyone the same way — never treat one person in a better manner than others when in a group.

Helping others: It goes without saying that by being as much resourceful as possible you are more likely to be more popular and well-liked by others than the other way round. So always offer to help others politely, but if they refuse then do not insist for they might want to do things themselves.

Moulding behaviour: Mould your behaviour according to the occasion, for instance, you can be more frank and casual with friends than around teachers and the elderly in your family. The same rule goes for dressing up.

Compliments: Try to give compliments to others sometimes. However, be careful and do not flatter them too much. Too much flattery can give the wrong impression about you, indicating that you are trying to impress the other person, especially if this other person is superior to you in any way.

Being tolerant, friendly and understanding: While it takes a lot of patience to be tolerant, friendly and understanding, especially towards those who are nasty to you, you will notice that a little bit of tolerance, friendliness and understanding towards people can turn even your worst foe into your good friend.

Don’t overdo it: Too much of anything is bad. Thus, do not be extra polite with everyone. This way people can take advantage of you. Moderation is the key because the primary goal is to display etiquettes and to have a smooth dealing with others so that you make friends, not enemies.

Civility turns society into a civil society. Besides, as the old adage goes, “You will catch more bees with honey than you will with vinegar.” So when you are being polite, you are showing respect and will get more respect in turn. Therefore, start being polite from right this moment and you will definitely see that civility pays.