“Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach,” once remarked George Bernard Shaw. Shaw never taught apparently because he ‘could’. But there are many who ‘can’ but still teach.They may have their own reasons for opting to ‘teach’, but there are some who do it partly because teaching gives innumerable opportunities to have a hearty laugh, not only during teaching sessions but also while assessing students’ work . Laughter may or may not be the best medicine, but who would miss an opportunity to laugh and get paid in the process?

This writer has been intermittently teaching at various levels for over a decade now and an apparent reason for a reasonably good health he enjoys is this noble profession. One of the finest opportunities to have the ‘best medicine’ comes up when you sit down to assess the assignments or answer sheets submitted by the students. Recently, I had the opportunity to evaluate answer sheets of students who had opted for Urdu as an elective subject and appeared in graduate or postgraduate level exams. Some of the answers were truly hilarious and reminded one of the comments that the public service commission had released a few years ago to the press after the results of competitive exams were announced. Showing its dismay over the results, the commission had raised serious questions about the standards of education in the country.

Here are some ‘gems’ from the answer sheets of my students. Some of my colleagues shared their lighter moments while assessing similar answer sheets and I am including them here as well.

One question which drew an answer that revealed the students’ level of awareness, or ignorance, was about the role Sir Syed Ahmed Khan played for the promotion of Urdu literature. Many students began their answer with a life-sketch of Sir Syed Ahmed Khan’s, giving quite irrelevant information about him. Even this was bearable, but many of them wrote that “after matriculation, Sir Syed went to Aligarh University for further education,” ignoring the fact that it was Sir Syed who had established that very college, which later became a university. Some of the students mentioned after a few pages that establishing a college at Aligarh was Sir Syed’s great service to the Muslims. Another question asked the students to evaluate the poetical merits of Mir Taqi Mir. Again the answer began with a ponderous story of Mir’s early life. One could have easily ignored this had the students not decided to mention Aligarh University again.

Many said Mir Taqi Mir had obtained a master’s degree in Urdu literature from that university. Mir had died in 1810, about seven years before Sir Syed was born. Some students had added LLB as well, considering a mere MA quite insufficient for a poet of Mir’s stature. Amazingly, many of such students had correctly mentioned Mir’s year of death. It seems that Aligarh University is deeply ingrained in our students’ psyche and they cannot imagine anyone from the eighteenth or nineteenth century doing well without being educated at Aligarh. The only problem is that they do not care much for the chronology of events.

When I mentioned ‘Mir’s degrees’ to one of my colleagues, she laughed and said: “Till a few years ago, students were satisfied with Mir’s master’s degree, but many of this year’s answer sheets have mentioned LLB as well. Students have realised that during the last two years Mir has not been sitting idle and must have done his LLB.”

But it’s not a laughing matter (though it is very difficult to resist the temptation) and this funny information might have come from some kind of so-called ‘guides’ or ‘solved papers’ commonly available in the market, otherwise the number of students writing similar answers might not have been so high.

One student while narrating the life of poet Naasikh wrote that when circumstances changed for the worse, Naasikh quit his education after matriculation and started giving tuitions.

While evaluating answer sheets, one soon realises that the source of the ‘rare information’ packed in these sheets is the same, as most answers are identical to the point of being copied word for word. While it is useless to hope someone would check the mushrooming growth of the so-called study-aid material, what is to be done by the relevant authorities is to instruct the question-paper setters to drastically change the pattern of question papers every year, thereby rendering the ‘guides’ and ‘solved papers’ useless.

drraufparekh@yahoo.com