Dear Auntie,
I am a 21-year-old in my final year of university and I can’t figure out what will happen next in my life. I was enrolled in a degree in which I have no interest and many other things in my life have also been forced on me by my parents which, to some extent, have ruined my future and my life. I can never convince them or say no to them and they never listen to me. Now, as time passes by, I cannot figure out what lies ahead for me.

I don’t consider myself beautiful because everyone has told me so. People have compared my complexion, my face and my dark circles to others, especially my sisters and they taunt me about it. I have been overweight my entire life. Even though I have lost some weight, I am still considered fat in people’s eyes. I don’t think anyone will ever love me for who I am. I know that, at some point, I will have to get married, but I am afraid of it because a couple of times marriage proposals came for my younger sister, but never for me. They don’t consider me beautiful enough.

Because of this, I feel that I can never be valued or loved and I just feel hopeless in life. 
Hopeless

‘I See No Future For Myself’

Dear 21-year-old,
Auntie is going to get straight into this: you are not defined by what your relatives, neighbours or even your parents think of your degree, your looks or your weight. Their judgements are not the truth of who you are.

Now, saying “don’t care what people say” is easier said than done, especially when the comments come from people close to you. They can really sting. But it helps to remember that beauty standards in our society are narrow and unfair. And they are also outdated. Who is that perfect anyway? People will always find something to pick on: too dark, too old, too thin, too fat, too educated, not educated enough. If you spend your life trying to tick their boxes, it’ll only exhaust you.

As for your degree, it’s not the end of the world if you studied something you don’t love. Auntie also didn’t get her degree in dropping truth bombs, but here I am. The fact is, many discover their calling after university. Think of your degree as a stepping stone to the next phase in your life, whatever that may be.

In the meantime, explore what you enjoy doing, learn something that you enjoy — with all those online courses out there, the world is your oyster. Small steps outside of what your parents have dictated will help you gain some control of your life.

As for marriage, your worth is not measured by the proposals that come for you or your sister. You are not in competition with her, even if people make you feel that way. If and when you marry, the right partner will see beyond the weight and dark circles. He will hopefully see your kindness and your intelligence.

For now, focus on building a life you find meaningful by taking small steps towards what you like. And if you don’t know what you like, take a step in a direction that piques your curiosity. Confidence comes from showing up for yourself in small ways, every day.

Also, please don’t call yourself “hopeless”. Remember you are what you think and speak. So, practise ‘hope’ and take baby steps in directions that intrigue you.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 6th, 2025