Assalamualaikum Auntie, 
I am a Larkana-based student currently pursuing a bachelors in English at Sindh University. Being from a very poor family, I started teaching at a very tender age and now I run a private school in my neighbourhood.

My mother is always anxious for me to get married and keeps saying that she wants to see me tie the knot. She believes I can manage a married life because I have a school, but I don’t think so. This is because, in life after marriage, one is bound to do certain household chores, besides attending to other responsibilities which come with a married life. 

I have tried my best to convince my mother in this regard but to little avail. I have told her that as soon as I get a government job, I shall marry as she wishes, but she is not ready to listen to me and keeps pestering me to pander to her whim of getting married. Perhaps, she thinks marriage can keep me from going astray.
Frustrated

‘My Mom Wants Me to Marry But I’m Not Ready’

Dear Frustrated,
Thank you for being so honest. Auntie truly respects the fact that you are not only studying but also, rather incredibly, running your own school. That is no small feat and it is amazing how far you’ve come, given your circumstances.

There’s a slight problem though, you haven’t clarified whether you are a woman or a man. Based on the name in your email, I will assume that you are a man and respond to your letter accordingly. This is also a reminder to others who write in, to please always let me know your gender and age, in addition to other details.

It is indeed very painful and exhausting when your mother, a woman who you clearly love and respect, pressures you to do something you don’t feel ready to do. It is important for you to understand that she is coming from a place of love and fear. She probably believes that marriage will protect you and give some structure to your life. These beliefs are based on the values of the society she lives in and her own life struggles. Many mothers, especially those living in more conservative areas, believe that marriage is an ultimate life goal. Her feelings are sincere, if not necessarily right.

As you rightly pointed out, being married also means taking on financial and household responsibilities that you are not yet prepared for. Wanting to wait until you have a stable job is a mature and thoughtful decision and I strongly support you in standing by it.

It is frustrating when your reasons fall on deaf ears, especially when you are being practical. Try and find people your mother trusts, such as a relative, her friend or even a family elder, who can support your point of view and help her understand that delaying marriage doesn’t mean you will never get married.

Wanting to complete your education, establishing your school and becoming more financially stable before getting married is important. You are building a future that will serve you and your future family and, so, I strongly suggest that you hold your ground. Do it patiently and respectfully. You have the right to shape your life in a way that you know is best for you.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, July 13th, 2025