The disgruntled batsman stormed into the pavilion and flung down his bat. “Terrible,” he shouted. “I’ve never played so badly before.” The captain looked up. “Oh, you’ve played before, have you?”

******

The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn’t hit a thing.

Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat. “Now bowl me some fast ones!” he yelled.

Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all. Not to be put off, he glared at the team and

shouted, “Now that’s what you’re all doing. Get in there and hit them!”

******

The batsman had a large opinion of his prowess. He was approached by a club member, who couldn’t resist saying to him, “You know, whenever I watch you bat, I always wonder...”

Batsman: “I know, I know. How I do it.”

Club member: “No. Why you do it.”

******

The bowler had a dreadful match which cost his side the game. All week long he practiced hard for the next game. During the following match, he said to the captain, “Notice any difference?”

The captain looked at him thoughtfully. “You’ve had your hair cut, haven’t you?”

******

The captain called the batsman into his room. “We’ve got some very tough matches coming up,” he said, “and I wanted to talk to you because we need someone with an iron nerve, a strong constitution and great skill in the side. And that’s why I’m asking you to resign.”

******

A bowler was disgusted by several of the umpire’s decisions. “Have you got a minute?” he asked.

“Yes,” said the umpire.

“Well, tell me all you know about cricket.”

******

In a village match, one of the batsmen received a fast ball which caught him in the mouth and broke several teeth. The next year, in the return match, he faced the same bowler.

“I hope you’re not after my teeth this year,” he said.

“No,” grinned the bowler, “this time it’s the stumps I’m after!”

******

The local game had been a bitter affair, with neither side giving anything away and an unusual amount of hostile bowling. Several injuries were sustained, and after the game one of the batsmen was seen pacing up and down the pitch.

“Ah, I see you’re reliving the battle,” said the grounds man.

“No,” said the player. “I’m looking for my teeth.

******

The batsman was new to the side, and in his first innings he did so badly that the crowd began to slow hand-clap and barrack him. Things got worse. The language got more and more abusive, his play-more inept, and finally, he was out. As he dashed for the pavilion, rotten fruit and eggs were thrown at him, but he managed to gain the safety of the dressing-room, where the captain was waiting for him.

“Blimey!” panted the batsman, “they don’t like that umpire, do they?”— Compiled by The Surfer