Hi Auntie,

I am writing to seek your advice during a difficult phase of my life. I spent 15 years in an emotionally distressing marriage and, while it has ended, rebuilding myself has not been easy.

Since the divorce, I have struggled with loneliness and depression, compounded by limited support from extended family. What affects me most is that I seldom get to see my three children, and the distance from them has deeply impacted my emotional well-being.

I want to improve my mental and physical health and move forward with strength and dignity. What practical steps can I take to regain stability and create a peaceful, purposeful life for myself?

‘How Do I Rebuild My Life After Divorce?’

I would truly value your guidance.

A Hopeful Mother

Dear Hopeful Mother,

Fifteen years in an emotionally distressing marriage can leave deep scars that don’t disappear just because you signed the papers. Feeling fragile and low is to be expected and is part of the healing process.

About your children… It is surprising to learn that you seldom see them because, in many situations, younger children often stay with the mother. But custody arrangements depend on specific legal decisions and personal circumstances. I am not qualified to give legal advice, so I would urge you to consult a good family lawyer to clearly understand your rights. You will not be doing this to start a war, but to gain clarity. Getting a proper schedule for visitation will help you see your children more often and also help you emotionally.

In the meantime, start working on your depression. For 15 years, even if your marriage was painful, it gave your life some direction. You don’t give much information in your email but you probably had tasks related to your children and the home. Now, you are waking up to emptiness every day. Start building structure in your life. Try to wake up at the same time every day. Move your body every day, even if it’s a 25-minute walk. Eat your meals on time and try to limit the time that you spend alone.

Secondly, seek professional counselling, if you can. You have endured long-term emotional distress. Therapy will help you deal with your internalised guilt and fear, and help you move forward.

Consider enrolling in a course, some type of skill development or even part-time work. Don’t do it as a distraction. Instead, think of it as a purpose and part of your efforts to rebuild your life.

Also, start working on the bond you have with your children. If time is limited, try to make it meaningful. You can create a few rituals with them, say by setting predictable weekly calls. Share books with them, write letters or emails to them and send them voice notes before bedtime to tell them you love them. Doing any or all of these will help you build your bond with your children.

And finally, start working on your support system. If the family keeps its distance from you, work on cultivating new and old friendships. Reach out to one or two trusted people and meet up with them. Remind yourself that divorce is not a personal failure. Sometimes, it is an act of survival and even self-preservation.

Your peace will not return overnight. You will need to gain your peace by creating routines, setting boundaries, gaining clarity and building your self-respect.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.

Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 8th, 2026