In a collaborative move that is likely to shake the foundations of the international movie business, 20 Centurion Foxes — along with Marvellous Comics — is launching a new megaverse of superheroes. The dynamic new characters will embody the best of Cliftonian values and introduce the very same to adorable, suitably pampered, extravagantly branded, and photographically air-brushed Cliftonian young ’uns all around the world.

The brainchild of British-Cliftonian industrialist, politician, economist, herbalist, climate change expert, religious scholar and historian Jimmy Jirga, the new venture is guaranteed to be a success among affluent anti-disestablishmentarian revolutionaries and their anti-status quo in-laws.

In an exclusive interview, we spoke to Jimmy Jirga about the project and the need for such a comic venture. We also spoke to him about his influences, his favourite superheroes, and why he was doing this to us without our permission. In return, he spoke to us by way of answering our questions.

We: You are a multimillionaire who is originally from Cliftonia, but lives in the United Kingdom, with multiple businesses registered in the Cayman Islands. Tell us a little bit about tax avoidance as your superpower. 

Brace yourself for Cliftonia’s mightiest superheroes — defenders of the wealthy, masters of evasion, and champions of nonsense

Jimmy Jirga: That’s an excellent question and one for which you will pay heavily the moment I am made a minister again in the Cliftonian cabinet. As you know, I’m British-Cliftonian, but more than that, I’m an international jetsetter who frowns upon paying taxes. And this frown goes deep within us as Cliftonians. It is an inherent part of us. It is what makes us, us!

So, who better to instill this quality among Gen Alpha than Taxman: a superhero so transparent that you can’t see any of his documents, including his tax records. He has the power to turn the words ‘tax’ and ‘transparency’ on their heads. Taxman will not come for you for what you owe the state… he will, instead, make your taxes so transparent that they will disappear right before your very eyes!

We: That sounds incredible. How will the taxes disappear? How long will this procedure take? Will ordinary citizens need to stand in line to collect and fill forms? Will these forms need to be submitted in hard copy or can the entire process be done online? Will the poors and the hungerful need to book an appointment with Taxman to seek his help?

Jimmy Jirga: Kashif, now please don’t try and confuse the public!

We: Who’s Kashif?

Jimmy Jirga: You are.

We: Why would I be Kashif? 

Jimmy Jirga: Well, I can’t be Kashif, can I, Jonathan?

We: I’m not Jonathan either! Can you tell me who told you I’m Kashif… or Jonathan?

Jimmy Jirga: Absolutely not! But then, I suppose, someone must have told me.

We: Who was it?

Jimmy Jirga: It could have been Brigadier Delilah, but I am not sure.

We: Who’s he?

Jimmy Jirga: Certainly not you, I can say that for sure.

We: Can we please stop this and get back to Taxman!

Jimmy Jirga: You’re the one confusing me! I should add you to the mix and launch you as Dr Confucious… a dastardly villain who has the power to confuse his interviewees at the drop of a hat.

We: Please, just tell us how the poors and the weak can summon Taxman when they need his help?

Jimmy Jirga: You haven’t been paying attention since the very beginning, else you wouldn’t be asking such idiotic questions. Taxman is a Cliftonian superhero. He does not — I repeat, does not! — come to the aid of the poors and the weak, because they don’t pay taxes as they are lazy, work-shy, unambitious, untrustworthy, undisciplined, lethargic, welfare-addicted losers! Because if they weren’t, they’d be driving a Bentley, just like me. Taxman only attends to the genuinely needy and well-off, whose taxes need to be disappeared asaply! And deep inside his tax haven, he already knows who they are.

We: Not only does he sound like a true saviour, but also someone one can take home to mother. So, what else have you got in your arsenal of super defenders?

Jimmy Jirga: Well, there is The Incredible Unaccountability Man. He protects every Cliftonian from being held accountable for his or her actions. We also have The Best Messiah. This superhero knows best — he knows better than everyone else about every situation that exists, has ever existed and will ever exist.

Then there is Dual-National Boy, who lives here and there as well. He switches accents and attire when the going gets tough. He loves his country of origin, but just doesn’t want to live there. And finally, we have my personal favorite — a superhero based upon me I am told — Captain Know-It-All, a crusader who can prattle on endlessly about any subject under the sun — and the moon, in case you think his powers do not work at night.

We: These sound absolutely thrilling! Thank you and may the — armed — force be with you.

Farid Alvie was born. He currently lives.
He’s on Instagram @faridalvie

Published in Dawn, EOS, January 26th, 2025