Dear Auntie, 
I am 29. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in 2016 and remained on medications for two years. With the help of the medicines and my best friend (now my wife), I got better. Also, I moved from Islamabad (where I had a support system) to Karachi (the most unforgiving city with no family or friend, except for my wife who has been the best) for a job. 

Here’s the thing (I don’t want to call it a problem); while being prone to depression and anxiety, I moved from Islamabad to Karachi where I started my married life all on my own. I got a new job with a starting level pay, struggled with day-to-day challenges and all this has helped me grow a lot, but it has also triggered my depression and anxiety. 

I need help with drawing the line between ‘happily getting kicked in the backside by life because I’m growing a lot’ and ‘let’s work towards making things a bit comfortable because my mental health is depleting.’ I can’t figure out what’s better for me. 
Help, please! Thank you! 
Triggered

Dear Triggered,
If you have been diagnosed with depression in the past, you need to seek professional help. Mental health problem is a disease of the mind and needs to be treated exactly like illnesses which show physical symptoms. If you can’t afford professional help, I would suggest you ask your family for financial help in seeking out the best help possible. At the same time, you can take certain steps on your own to help your situation.

‘Depression is ruining my life’

The first thing is to acknowledge how you feel. If you are in a low mood, accept it and if you want to cry, just do it. Letting it out will make you feel lighter. Another thing, I would strongly recommend is to start exercising, if you don’t already. If gym memberships are unaffordable, run or walk in a park near your home or even in the street close to your house. If that doesn’t appeal to you, put on an exercise video on YouTube and get going. This should help boost your mood and hopefully lift your spirits.

There are also a lot of yoga videos on YouTube which you can use. And also try practising meditation to calm the mind and control your thoughts.

I don’t know what your work schedule is like, but do make an effort to get out during the day and especially on weekends to get some sun in your eyes. You are in Karachi and can just hop out to the beach. The weather is perfect for that these days!

Karachi may seem unfriendly to you, but I would still urge you to keep an open mind and start becoming friendly with your colleagues and neighbours. You might have to make most of the effort for this, but you are the one who needs to build a support system so this is worth doing.  Help a colleague out at work or send food over to your neighbours just to break the ice. At the same time, use technology to stay in touch with friends and family back home.

Try to fill up any free time you have with activities you enjoy. It doesn’t always have to cost money. Seek out free things you can do that excite you. You can also try getting involved in philanthropic work. Become a volunteer to raise funds for a cause or help out for a cause. The feeling of having a strong purpose should help with your condition.

Also prioritise your sleep. Figure out how much sleep you need to feel truly rested and try to get that much in every night. And finally, practise gratefulness. There is a lot in your life that is working, so take out the time to appreciate it. Try this: think about three things that you are grateful for when you wake up and do the same before you sleep. You can even stop what you are doing during the day and focus on something you are grateful for. This way you will turn gratitude into a habit which should automatically lift your mood.

Do the above and stick to it. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to feel better. I hope this helps.

 Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, January 24th, 2021