ACTUALLY, our American friends need never have bothered at all. No one in the army was planning a coup. Having had its fill of knocks this year, the army command was in no mood to add to its troubles. There was accordingly no reason for the US administration to issue the statements it did admonishing the army against any extra-constitutional steps. That these statements were insulting to Pakistan is beside the point. They were plain gratuitous and quite uncalled for in the circumstances.

The Americans went ahead nevertheless. One reason for this was that they were dealing with Pakistan and not a country like China. Insulting Pakistan in this fashion is a risk-free business as could be seen even in this case with not a squeak of protest from any official quarter. Indeed the army chief, who has received a crash course in diplomacy this year, was at pains to say that in the American statements the army was not mentioned. Maybe so but then are we to assume that when speaking of extra-constitutional steps the State Department had the Punjab Police in mind?

As for the government, far from protesting or saying (perish the thought) that the Americans had better mind their own business, it was scarcely able to hide its glee. While it said nothing, it required no mind-reading to see that its leading lights took these statements of support as more shining examples of Shahbaz Sharif's role as a diplomatic trouble-shooter. The Punjab chief minister - who, when the history of these times is written, will be remembered as someone who excelled in every job except his own - was in Washington at the time talking to the Americans. What picture of impending doom did he sell Talbott, Inderfurth and company in order to get these statements of support? And, since the Americans usually do not offer free lunches except when they are comprehensively duped (which is not as rare as some might suppose), what was offered in return?

But this is empty speculation. The main thing is that 111 Brigade was not about to move out of its barracks and head in the general direction of Islamabad. A coup was not being planned. The army as an institution was not thinking of a takeover. But the heroes of the mandate, slaves to their instincts and ever averse to letting sleeping dogs lie, were itching to manufacture another crisis. They wanted to make the army command carry the can for this summer's adventures and for this purpose were obsessed by the thought of doing another Jahangir Karamat, this time on his successor.

Jahangir Karamat's successor, as even his fervid admirers will perhaps acknowledge, is no Clausewitz. But neither is he a Baji and so when the hustlers of this government, their style not much different from that of the lower ranks of the New York mafia, let out subtle hints that it was time for another move-over in Rawalpindi, the incumbent dug in his heels and refused to budge, much less to be browbeaten. This is all there was to the great crisis of confidence between GHQ and the government in Islamabad and if it has been defused it is no thanks to the Americans. This crisis was never about to get out of hand in the first place. Unless, to be sure, Ambassador Milam is privy to darker secrets than most of us are aware of.

Now of course with Parvez Musharraf's confirmation as Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff, for the next two years - that is, contemporaneous with his term as army chief - this tinpot crisis has come to a whimpering end. In their enlightened self-interest both the heroes of this summer's adventures remain in their respective positions.

On the domestic front this is the first check Nawaz Sharif has received since the beginning of his tenure. He had his way over the 13th Amendment which stripped the president of his powers to dismiss the National Assembly and appoint the service chiefs. He saw off Leghari and Chief Justice Sajjad Ali Shah when the fight with the Supreme Court erupted in the latter half of 1997. General Jahangir Karamat left as army chief when his statement in support of a national security council received wide publicity. But he has not been able to have his way in the present instance. This should act as a salutary check on Nawaz Sharif's marked preference for riding roughshod over everything. Provided of course that he has learnt his lessons. Otherwise there is likely to be more of the same.

It can well be asked as to why the government had to dither for so long before putting an end to the uncertainty clouding its relations with GHQ? But for the government to have acted in timely and sensible fashion would have been to betray its own hallowed style of working. Right from the start this government has displayed an unquenchable desire to first manufacture a crisis and then, when the damage is truly advanced, to be struck by doubt and vacillation.

Mian Nawaz Sharif's Blair House visit is of course without any parallel in recent times since it has rewritten the rules of diplomacy. But its purpose was beguilingly simple: to control the consequences of a blunder which the prime minister himself had had a hand in creating. The purpose of Shahbaz Sharif's recent visit to Washington was no different: to solicit American help for getting out of another self-created mess: namely, relations with the army.

Irony must remain the dominant quality in this entire picture. Here is a country flexing its nuclear muscles and braying from the house-tops that its defence has become impregnable (a word much beloved of the Pakistani psyche). The same country prostrates itself before the US even when it catches a minor cold. So much for sovereignty and national self-respect.

And here is a prime minister whose most famous line remains that he will take dictation from no one. He is also someone who believes, and whose fawning courtiers keep reminding him in case he ever forgets, that God Almighty has made him prime minister for the performance of some great deed. While what that great deed may be is yet to be revealed, the Lord's chosen instrument has demonstrated time and again that when the going gets tough he is ever ready to take dictation from Washington. So much for self-independence.

These days it is tough being a Pakistani and a proud man at the same time. As if it was not enough for the government to be making a monkey of itself before the Americans, Benazir Bhutto is doing exactly the same. Read her articles (she having become quite a journalist) and her public statements and it is clear that she is not trying to sell herself to the people of Pakistan (that, obviously, being a waste of time) but to her friends in Washington who she thinks will somehow bring her back to power. Everyone with an eye on the future is building up the dangers of fundamentalism and portraying himself or herself as the last great defender of 'liberalism' in Pakistan.

To secure a handout, to get a reprieve from their troubles, or even to get a mildly sympathetic audience with some middle-ranking official in the State Department, Pakistan's representatives, in government or in opposition, will do almost anything. At least there is one consolation in this. False pride we keep only for the people of Pakistan. Abroad we present ourselves in our true colours.

Anyhow, one crisis for now is over but the itch to manufacture fresh ones remains. So till the next crisis, whenever it comes, things are going to be dull in the Republic. With Benazir abroad and not likely to return in a hurry, there is only going to be Nawaz Sharif, Shahbaz Sharif and the indispensable Saifur Rehman on one side (these three effectively constituting the government as we know it) and the charismatic figure of Nawabzada Nasrullah Khan on the other. Not much to take us through the cheerless winter that looms ahead.