I’m feeling so bad for Iran, so bad for Iran, kay don’t even ask. Just look at Israel and its tuttoo America! Bhai, okay, you don’t like Khamaini and all his generals and all his Higher Ups and all their Lower Downs, per yeh koi baat hai kay jub dil chaahay, you just get up and bomb anyone you don’t like?

So many times, Mulloo has said bad things about me and kaatoed my patta, so many times Sunny and I have had tu-tu main-main, so many times Janoo’s sisters have churrhoed on my nerves, so many times I’ve wanted to kill them all, but have I?

No. And why not? Because, aik tau, I don’t want to phaansi churrho for anyone. Two, because even if I got away with it, like Epstein’s murderer managed to maaro him without anyone finding out and that also in jail, with 24/7 cameras, all of which happened to be kharaab that day, Allah would know and, on the day of qayamat, He would ask me, kay bhai, what was your problem? What face will I show Him then?

And, waisay bhi, in the meantime — until qayamat day rolled around — I wouldn’t be able to live with my conscious. Because I believe what goes around, comes around. Three, I am a kind-hearted, decent human being, who does not even enjoy killing cockroaches.

The state of global affairs, including the war in the Middle East, has left Butterfly grappling with a terrifying thought: if even Dubai isn’t 100 percent safe, then who exactly is?

But that Gruesome Twosome, Netanyahu and Trump, tau are least bothered about any of that. Because who’s going to drag them in front of a judge even, let alone jail them, haan? And unlike you and me, they don’t have any conscious also. Varna, how could they kill all those thousands of children in Gaza and now the schoolgirls in Iran and just go about eating burgers and doing GTs and idhar udhar ki like nothing has happened?

For them, tau, it is just jooti ka mael. They don’t even have this much of Khuda ka khauf. They’re the types who’d unplug someone’s ventilator so they could charge their phones.

Thanks God, we’ve got an atom bomb, otherwise we would also be in the same splintered boat as Iraq and Lebanon and Syria and Afghanistan and now Iran. Hopefully, they won’t come after us, but who knows, yaar? After all, Modi’s just been to see his bestie, Netanyahu, to give him a japphi and a slam on his back. He must also have whispered in his ear kay Pakistan ko yaad rakhna. Both of them are pees from the same pod.

And talking of Afghanistan, why all this fighting shighting with us, haan? I tau think it must have something to do with Modi going to Telly Veev just now only. I asked Janoo and he shook his head and said, “There are no good players and no good outcomes in any of this mess.”

Thanks God, he said something because ever since this attack started, he’s been sitting in front of the TV night and day stuck dumb. I think so he’s going mantle.

Meanwhiles, all our friends in Dubai are okay so far, thanks God, but they’re worried spliff because nothing like this has ever happened there and koi expect nahi kar raha tha na. Waisay, I also thought kay Dubai was tau hundred percent safe. I mean, goras have gone to live there yaar. Imagine if something was to happen to them! Main tau shock mein chali gayi hoon.

Jonkers came over later today and he was talking to Janoo and I overheard them saying kay oils prices are going to go up because someplace called The Straight of Hummus might be shut off and when oil prices rise, price of everything rises and it causes global infatuation.

I know about the price rise first-hand only because my darzi also immediately adds another five hundred to his rate for a jorra. “Baji, patrol barrh gaya hai, iss liye.” As if his sowing machine runs on diesel. Janoo also said that America has done this to stop China from getting Iran’s oil because their economy is growing faster than America’s and Trump is jealous.

Bhai, my tau head is exploding with all this info. Aik roza, oopar se yeh sub kuchh. Talking of rozas, Trump didn’t even see that it is Holy Month of Ramadan Kareem and that he shouldn’t bomb rozaydaars. I told you, na, he has no Khuda ka khauf. Munhoos.

Many years ago, @monimohsinofficial, novelist and journalist, outed herself as The Social Butterfly

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 8th, 2026