Dear Auntie,
I recently received a proposal from a former classfellow. He is kind, responsible and I think well of him. We graduated seven months ago and he is not yet financially stable but doing a job earning Rs60,000 to Rs70,000. As the eldest son of a daily-wage earner, he supports his family.

Our families have met and they liked each other, but my parents are concerned about finances and living arrangements as my family’s [socio-economic] status is a bit higher than his. He lives in a shared house with his family and that of his uncle, and there is no immediate plan for a separate home.

He has asked for three years before marriage to settle financially. I am emotionally confused — part of me values his character, while another part fears future financial struggles. Should we consider this proposal or look for someone already well-settled?
At A Crossroads

‘Should I Choose Character Over Financial Security?’

Dear At A Crossroads,
Character and financial stability are both important when it comes to marriage. Anyone who tells you that one is enough is not telling you the truth.

This young man’s situation tells me a few things. At the very least, he is responsible and is not running away from his family duties. That’s a good thing in a world where some families inflate their status the minute rishta [marriage] talks begin.

However, your fears are very valid. Financial stress is not fun and it is certainly not romantic. Love will not pay your utility bills, and if you have to share a crowded family home with in-laws, it can test the strongest of marriages. So, your parents are right to think about the practical side of being married.

What is reassuring is that the man has asked for three years. This means that you have to decide whether he is worth waiting for. For now, I’d recommend that you don’t focus on the salary that he makes today. A better thing to focus on is whether he is able to hold a job and whether he has direction and is growing. In three years, can you see him being more financially stable? Does he have a plan and the discipline to follow through? Just remember that, in most cases, things do not get fixed without people making an effort.

You also need to be honest with yourself about the kind of life you can adapt to. Marriage is a huge commitment and, no matter how well you know someone, there are usually new ‘discoveries’ after you partner up. Thinking that you will adapt to new circumstances and actually adapting to them are two very different things. If you are already afraid of this man’s circumstances, those fears will not suddenly evaporate after marriage. His circumstances may change, or they may not.

Finally, there is nothing wrong with choosing a financially stable partner. Similarly, there is no shame in choosing a partner who has a good character and opting for a life that you build together. Whatever you choose, I urge you to make the choice with your eyes open and without any kind of pressure from your family or this man.

But don’t decide right now. Actions beat words. So, watch him over the next few years and you’ll know if this match is heading anywhere.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 1st, 2026