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Why Fridays were my worst nightmare as a child

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It happened on Fridays for three years straight. I remember the kids in my fourth grade class being so happy for the weekend. From 7am to 3pm, all I would hear is them screaming “TGIF (Thank God it’s Friday).” But for me, this day was my worst nightmare.

I would do whatever I could to go home late. Sometimes I was the last one to leave, even after all the staff members. I would call home to inform my parents that I had extra schoolwork in order to delay my father picking me up.

Every Friday after getting back home from school, my father would lock me in his room and beat me up. I wasn't allowed to cry. If I did, I would get hit harder.

My mother and sister would try to control my father by saying, “She’s just a kid”. It never worked. They would bang on the locked door as he took swings at me. After he was done, he would unlock the door, and my mother would rush in with tears in her eyes to find me on the floor. It was as though she felt the exact pain I did.

She would hug me, and I would ask, “Why is he doing this to me?” She never had an answer, but she always reassured me that it wasn't my fault.

I would walk out the door limping, trying to get support from a table, the railing, or anything around me.

After getting thrashed, I would have two days for the bruises to heal before I could go back to school on Monday.

I would spend hours crying in my bed, refusing to speak to anyone. My mother would come to my room to check up on me, but I always pretended I was asleep so as to avoid any conversation. She would sit by me on the bed and trace the bruises with her fingers, as if that would make them magically heal.

At school, I would laugh and be normal with my friends, acting as if nothing had happened.

At first, my father apologised for what he was doing. I resisted, but I forgave him and even felt relieved as I thought he would not touch me again. Yet, the beatings didn’t stop. He apologised for a second time, and I forgave him again. But it didn’t take me long to figure out that it was becoming a pattern.

Soon, he started denying what was happening. As I tried to avoid him everytime he beat me, he would ask me why I wasn’t talking to him.

I was told that he had high blood pressure and needed to take his rage out somehow – as if it was right to do that by beating up a child. I also wondered why not my other siblings? Why just me?

Once, when I was in fifth grade, the bruises remained for longer than usual. I had school the next morning and didn’t have a choice but to wear a long sleeved shirt in 54°C.

My family warned me not to tell anyone about the abuse. When a classmate spotted the bruises and asked what happened, I told her that I was hit by a car.

I got away with it the first time, but as the beatings went on, it became difficult to hide the marks on my body. My classmates kept asking, and I confessed to one of the girls about it. She told me to go to the teacher, but I was afraid that my father would find out and things would get worse.

A few weeks later, my counsellor asked me if everything was okay at home. I nodded yes, but she could tell I was holding back my tears. I told her the truth, but I knew there was nothing she could do about it.

At the end of every school year, students would count down the days left until summer. As they would do that, I would just sit on my chair and cry.

My vacation would start very differently. As we would get home, my father would demand that I go straight to his room. Before going, I would try to hide the three-foot-long cane he used to beat me with. But if it wasn't the cane, it was the metal or plastic hangers, or my mother's heels. He would hit me right on the head with them.

But after three years, he suddenly stopped. I never knew how or why. Did he get tired of hitting me, or was there something else? I never found out.

It has been seven years since he last hit me, but my relationship with my father will forever be scarred. I still fear him and when he’s around me, I try not to say or do anything that will trigger those impulses in him again.

The bruises may have faded, but the pain still remains. He put his hands on someone who thought he loved her. And because of that, I am scared to let anyone love me again.


If you have suffered from abuse, or if you are a counsellor, write to us at blog@dawn.com


The writer wishes to remain anonymous.


The views expressed by this writer and commenters below do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.


Comments (202) Closed



RTS Jan 02, 2017 11:47am

Speechless....

Zakir naik Jan 02, 2017 12:01pm

SAD!

zaheer Jan 02, 2017 12:04pm

There are times when we are cursed for things that we don't know of.

I pray that you stay positive and get so much in life that you forget all the torture that you suffered.

M.S. Jan 02, 2017 12:11pm

There could be a million pcychologcal cases. Is it important that we read about sick people? They are just sick and are found in all societies.

Shahryar Shirazi Jan 02, 2017 12:13pm

You didn't clarify in the article if he would hit your sister too ? You are old enough to dig into the past now. Try to figure out why he would have this grudge against you. Was it only high BP, or alcohol was involved too ? Would he think you are responsible for some thing he didn't like in his life ? Its not about the bruises fading away. You have to make sure this does not happen to another 5th grader.

zeemz Jan 02, 2017 12:16pm

Did you tried asking your mother if you're really his child. Seems more like your mother have done something wrong you know what i meant by that. Since the same father doesn't beat your siblings and only you!.

Sajid Sajjad Abbasi Jan 02, 2017 12:21pm

A bad guy. May be psycho case. My dad a lawyer by profession was always against hitting children telling the same reason that it would take their self confidence away forever. Just forget about that and move on - what does not kill you makes you stronger.

Vinay Jan 02, 2017 12:43pm

Shocking and that too in current generation which is supposedly more aware of child rights!

shah Jan 02, 2017 12:40pm

It is Typical Psycho case and he should be treated either by some Psychiatrist or by Mental Hospital.

Bhushan Parimoo Jan 02, 2017 01:14pm

another thought provoking from Dawn thanks

Naveen Chauhan Jan 02, 2017 01:13pm

Shocking, Sad and felt sorry for the girl while reading. But still I want to know reason, why and how he can be so cruel?

baba Jan 02, 2017 01:12pm

well my dad (he is well educatud )used to do the same & its not hanger though its freaking rubber hose to beat me and sibblings, I think he did this because he has financial problems and I am now a father myself and find out that its not possible for me to hit my kid. May be I dont get that much problem like he did!

Masoud Jan 02, 2017 01:23pm

Pointless written in a pitiful manner, who in the whole world was not spanked by parents or elders, some are very sensitive & keep on remembering such matters of long past to destroy their present & future.

A Man Jan 02, 2017 01:27pm

And the mother watched that horror all those years and kept quiet? She is equally responsible. Would not save he child if she was about to run over by a bus? Why didn't she she her from this torture? He was. Psycho, i believe she was too.

Bikram Jan 02, 2017 01:31pm

Is it a true story or fiction? And if it's a true story then my sufferings are very less. Please come out of this pain.

Haider Jan 02, 2017 01:39pm

Doesnt make sense. Should be explained properly about the reasons.

sabir rozdar Jan 02, 2017 01:48pm

SAD

Habiba Jan 02, 2017 01:50pm

What was the reason of being so cruel? Is that man was insane.?

Ahsan Khan Jan 02, 2017 01:55pm

@zeemz Even if she is not her child, it does not give him the right to beat her up. Was this in Pakistan or some other country? Were you staying in the hostel and would come home on Friday only.

Hamad Jan 02, 2017 02:01pm

Speechless and sad...

Hani halim Jan 02, 2017 02:04pm

Deeply saddened ..may god give u strength to fight your evils and aware the society about this menace

Ali Jan 02, 2017 02:06pm

Although the story is surely distressing, it doesn't feel like real. With so many loopholes, it's like author tried to muster up a very tragic story to (may be) attract some attention.

sANTIAGO MUNEZ Jan 02, 2017 02:07pm

Sad to hear about this!!

But I think your mother could have done lot more than just watch. I know our society would blame you and your mother but still your mother should have taken you away to some safer place.

humaira Jan 02, 2017 02:10pm

I dont know whether to console you or tell you that today it made me realize my dad was not the only psycho, there were others too. My father's attitude and behavior towards us growing up made us feel like a lesser being. If i say that it ruined our lives in many aspects including choosing spouses it would not be incorrect.

Amna Jan 02, 2017 02:10pm

@Shahryar Shirazi these questions will forever be remained unanswered. Her soul has been bruised so much and confidence shattered that she mentioned she avoids any encounter with her father. You are asking to ask these questions because you are not in same place as her. PS: i read an article that parents suffering from such psychological issues usually target the child they find the happiest

Farooq Jan 02, 2017 02:20pm

@Shahryar Shirazi She did quote. Her sisters were not hit, only she did. But yes, for her, find out the root cause. Why such behavior was depicted by a father? If you get successful in knowing, then write another article on the reasons and possible rehab options.

Farooq Jan 02, 2017 02:23pm

@Shahryar Shirazi she did quote, it was her only, not the sisters. But yes I aggreed on the point of finding the root cause of such unsual behavior by a father. Try to dig the past and get the truth and if you get sucessful. Write another articles on the possible conclussions so another 5th grader will feel safe.

san(India) Jan 02, 2017 02:24pm

horrible!!

Rabia Jan 02, 2017 02:29pm

@Masoud so you think getting beaten with a cane senseless is ok? thats spanking and its justified? you have deep, serious issues of your own

Mohsi Jan 02, 2017 02:32pm

You are portraying father as an psycho case and the sign of terror.although father is a sign of courage,protection and love. Fathers love daughter more than boys.mothers often beat children but not father. I don't think this article is just and fair. You are complaining a person without any reason.

LOHPURUSH Jan 02, 2017 02:57pm

Woman empowerment remains the key to remove such social evils. Religion is used by fanatics to suppress the fair sex.

ALLY HASSAN ALI Jan 02, 2017 02:59pm

Its a sad story but yet a good thing that beatings have stopped. But it seems that the father of this story is a psychological patient or suffering a disorder which tends to create this response. I pray for your good life hereafter.

Aftab Hashmi Jan 02, 2017 03:02pm

Its extremely sad. But you didn't explain why? Is there any specific any reason you can think of -- though this is none of my business. But why only you and not your other sister? It seems a genuine psycho case. You are a grown-up now, talk to your mother and consult a psychiatrist for him. Whole family life gets disturbed and annoyed when a father -- who is considered his children's strength -- becomes your enemy. Speechless for you and surely for your father. I hope you excel in whatever you want.

tayyeb Jan 02, 2017 03:07pm

This story seems to me half truth. Her father was beating her up but why? This article doesn't satisfy this question. Maybe-- for some reasons-- she didn't want to tell why?That's ok but it would have been better to have explained it because it would have lowered the anxiety of readers. Humans to suffer-- some more and some less. May God heal your sufferings.

Ben Jan 02, 2017 03:10pm

Too far fetched in the absence of complete story. Father may have mental health issues??? Very confusing!!

Osama Jan 02, 2017 03:14pm

It's not the father to be cursed, it's the mother, the siblings, the school teachers, the counselors, our social protection system, our relatives and everyone who keeps quiet at such domestic child abuses. Such men should be behind bare, and not heading families.

kash Jan 02, 2017 03:12pm

usually fathers who do that have suffered the same fate when they were kids.

Skeptic Jan 02, 2017 03:14pm

It is heartbreaking! But here are some points that don't make sense -- I don't refute what you wrote but you could have explained them, though.

1) Why on Fridays only? 2) Why not your sister too, if it was a psycho case? 3) Any reason for this nonsense he did to you especially when you were a fifth-grader innocent child? 4) What was your mother doing? As a mother cannot bear her child is being beaten by someone, let it be her husband even. I remember, my mother would fight for me just only when my father used to get angry at me. How can she be senseless too, if your father was insane? 5) Why he stopped all in all, if he was a psycho. Did he consult a psychiatrist? If no, what happened then?

I have my extreme sympathies with you.

Ali Jan 02, 2017 03:16pm

@Masoud let me try the same on you bro...i promise you would always remember me

Hussain rizvi Jan 02, 2017 03:18pm

@M.S. What superb logic! Because there are millions of cases out there, why should we discuss? Perhaps so society is more aware and can help out people who are in such a situation? Most child abuse cases are not reported because children are either too scared of the consequences or think it is their fault. By reading this article, someone going through a similar situation can perhaps take some courage to report it knowing that he or she is not alone? Your comment and thinking truly reflects everything that is wrong with our society and why so many children suffer in this country

DK PAMNANI Jan 02, 2017 03:28pm

SAD AND SPEECHLESS. IT SHOULD NOT HAPPEN WITH ANY CHILD

Neutral Jan 02, 2017 03:47pm

Any law for abusive parents ? I used word "parents" since mother is equally responsible for not saving children from such psychopaths due to some desi logic that have to stay entire life with psychopath for whatever reasons.

Maria Jan 02, 2017 03:47pm

Pointless written in a pitiful manner, who in the whole world was not spanked by parents or elders, some are very sensitive & keep on remembering such matters of long past to destroy their present & future.

@Masoud There's a marked difference between being 'spanked by parents' and what this person has experienced, and I cannot comprehend how you can't see that!

IMRAN KHAN Jan 02, 2017 03:52pm

Crazy, sad and speechless

Bilal Jan 02, 2017 04:18pm

I am extremely sad and sorry after reading this.

Dr. Mubbashir Ali Jan 02, 2017 04:16pm

@zeemz perhaps this suggestion of you is inappropriate. Please don't speculate.

Bilal Jan 02, 2017 04:16pm

so sorry and sad to hear this as a father myself. can only pray that you stay strong and never let this happen to anyone around you ever. Cant judge anyone without a reason but nevertheless wrong action.

Humayun Jan 02, 2017 04:28pm

I did not understand why it is related to Friday prayer. I see abnormal behavior from all both sides. Such stories would create hatred with prayer. Be Muslim, punctual in prayers and be regular with your work activities.

Nothnhh Jan 02, 2017 04:42pm

Let me know where does he live. Justice will be served.

Fahim Jan 02, 2017 04:40pm

Where were the relatives in your family? So sad.

ASLAM Jan 02, 2017 04:56pm

@Rabia I fully agree with you.

ASLAM Jan 02, 2017 05:03pm

Assuming this story is from a city or a town in present day pakistan it is very sad. However lots of things are not clear though the story is true.

SHUJA UDDIN Jan 02, 2017 05:28pm

Really Girls are flowers,In Islam beating is not allowed and to beating girl who is innocent shame on those men..who treat their sisters mother and other women not good, only because the came with money they do job ,they have to think about your sisters mother devoted their life for you. behaviour of parents always stay with children in future. i believe there should be psychological lessons . In Pakistan all have brain psychological problems.

Zubair Jan 02, 2017 05:50pm

Reading this article left me all in tears! I can't express or rather convince ,myself, is that story which i am seeing is related to me and someone just shared and out to public just like that.... They don't know what damage they have done and it will be life after long even if we've forgive them.... Like you said bruises will fade but the trust, pain, crying all night long,thinking why i am not special like others parents love that will never come back....................

Hasnain Jan 02, 2017 05:54pm

Lesson learned should be clearly discussed. If psychological disorders need to be published then a solution should also be given. That how to protect children from such evil psychos.

The past is gone. Write something that can make present and future better.

Kashaf Jan 02, 2017 05:55pm

@Masoud Do you know the difference between spanking and hitting/beating? People don't come out and share their problems because of insensitive people like you.

FARAZ HUSSAIN Jan 02, 2017 06:02pm

BUT....WHY? NO words really!

SAIMA Jan 02, 2017 05:59pm

blog seems incomplete. missing many crucial details including the reason of this madness and did anyone else same or close aggression

Nadar KHan Jan 02, 2017 06:12pm

I think the father was mentally sick that's why he would do it but here I don't understand that only one person was the victim.I have also heared such stories in my socity and they all mentally sick.

Faisal Jan 02, 2017 06:17pm

@Masoud Nothing about this story is normal. No one should get abused like this. The father definitely has psychological issues. But the worst part is that the mother never interviened. Our society is increasingly violent because we fool ourselves in accepting this abuse as normal. Maar nahi pyaar mere Bhai.

sara emaan. Jan 02, 2017 06:47pm

I agree guys.... I feel like i am left in the dark... wat was the reason for such cruelty? Why did he do it? Plus someone mentioned earlier in comments how could the mother let it happen? I will soon be mother of two daughters. I couldn't imagine ANYONE laying so much so as a finger on them... and her mom just sat there n watched... unbelievable! This is disgusting!

Hasnain Jan 02, 2017 07:02pm

what is the moral of the story?

Javed Jan 02, 2017 07:17pm

Really sad and kind of unique. I want through a very abusive childhood with my father as well, but he didn't have a set schedule where he would beat me up every Friday. He used to find an excuse to do that. He did the same with my youngest brother as well. The four sisters in between were mostly spared. I used to be bitter at the time, but now about 20 years after his death I have forgiven him and assume that he did it because it was done to him as a child.

Lara Jan 02, 2017 07:20pm

I understand your pain.I'm being physically and emotionally abused too ,by my family. I suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies. I have altogether lost faith in humanity and I don't even believe in love. I hope you are doing okay.

Lara Jan 02, 2017 07:19pm

I understand your pain.I'm being physically and emotionally abused too ,by my family. I suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies. I have altogether lost faith in humanity and I don't even believe in love. I hope you are doing okay and find happiness

shahan Jan 02, 2017 07:30pm

I do not understand, why ? I mean can the writer state what were the reasons. Yes it is bad the child was abused, but what were father reasons?

Faryal Zaidi Jan 02, 2017 07:55pm

Harrowing tale! But I am trying to understand it better. Were fridays and the weekend the only days he would ask you to go in the room? Was it without any reason or became a daily habit? If so he was probably a beating addict who got off from the beating. Were there any pleasant moments? What was the financial condition of the family? Did anybody outside of the immediate family ever intervene?

Tahera Jan 02, 2017 08:42pm

A very painful childhood indded! I really wish that you or any other child would not have to suffer this or any other form of abuse! Atleast the physical ordeal is not anymore in the form you suffered but I understand the mental trauma persists. I don´t know what would be the best way for you to try to heal psycologically, to talk in depth and detail with someone you trust, possibly a psychologist helps and then decide on the best way for you to minimise the effect of the scars this abuse has left. What shocks me is the reaction of many of the commentators, it shows the silent denial present in society which is instrumental in perpetuating such abuse. If you can take and stand up to such insensitive commentary then it is of course good if you would go public with this abuse story otherwise it is better to share it only with such people who can understand the effect of abuse and have empathy for the victim.

Ali muzaffar Jan 02, 2017 08:53pm

@zeemz " this is the most stupidest thing one can say to a person who has poured her heart out " very nice . I don't think this article was written so guys can find out why her father was doing that . Don't find justifications for such a horrible act to a child ( leave alone if it's mine or not )

Ali muzaffar Jan 02, 2017 09:00pm

@Lara I don't have words for you except I hope and pray someone will make it up to you .

Farooq Jan 02, 2017 08:57pm

I hope speaking up about the abuse will help u move on with your life. Please remember that at many points in life, u will have the choice to be courageous and forward looking, rather than staying scarred due to a problematic past. This post is a clear proof of this. A few days back I read about the statements of Madonna and lady Gaga and was impressed by their choices, despite having seriously disturbing events in their past. Use your freedom to choose and never give it away. May the force be with u .

MunAza Khan Jan 02, 2017 09:05pm

No child should be subjected to such emotional and physical abuse. I am so very sorry that you experienced it. It will help you to seek therapy, talk about it and understand how it has affected you as a person. First step of healing is accepting that you need help to overcome the trauma. I will not be surprised if your father experienced same abuse when he was a child. It should not be acceptable that we promote physical abuse to discipline children.

Danish Jan 02, 2017 09:13pm

Unclear , one sided story.

Aamir Jan 02, 2017 09:17pm

@Hasnain Wow read it again.

Ali Jan 02, 2017 09:20pm

You are a brave and courageous person. Only people like you can make a difference in society by standing up to such abuse. You must confront him when the time is right and make sure he apologizes unconditionally. Whether you wish to forgive him or not should be a question only when he apologizes. If you don't do that you will live this nightmare everyday of your life.

Umar Khitab Jan 02, 2017 09:22pm

A brave article. Respect for the person who bore all this as a child. We need to incorporate in our curriculum the desired ethical responsibilities for both parents and children. Society can only evolve if we highlight, isolate and remove the unnecessary violence that has breached the very fabric that makes our family and the society. The males of the society need to be groomed to respect the females with both words and actions. If the Pakistani males continue to live without responsibility and not held accountable for their non-civilized behavior, the females may request UN to intervene or move outside Pakistan.

Muhammad Saleem Jan 02, 2017 09:26pm

It appears as if the father had been taken to task and reprimanded after young girl shared information with her classmate and counselor. One should not wait too long. The chances are more that it will get better by revealing, and when it comes to being bad, it's bad anyway. I'm glad that she shared with us as well. I was sad reading first but got better towards the end.My wife read with me. She cursed him.

Jehan Mir Jan 02, 2017 10:28pm

He is unfortunately a very sick man like billion others around the World. In USA Child Protection Services would have removed the child from her home after the first incident. The emergency room physicians are required by law to report any evidence of child abuse and father would have been prosecuted.

Mustafa Jan 02, 2017 11:04pm

I used to get spankings now and then from my dad but they were well deserved...nothing like these pointless beatings...this makes no sense, was there a psychological cause?! Regardless even if there was, youre too forgiving a person if this just scarred your relationship, would have ended mine...

peace monger Jan 02, 2017 11:17pm

@baba love conquers all. kids heal pain .... agree with your ways

peace monger Jan 02, 2017 11:15pm

@A Man Mother is an accomplice here. she didnt do anything because she didnt get hit

Pallavi Tyagi Jan 02, 2017 11:18pm

OMG!!! Why did he used to do this? even I can understand your pain..!

Ismail Jan 02, 2017 11:26pm

Grotesque and psychopathic. I dread to think who the substitute child is because this is one very deranged individual. I'm sure he has not let up but found a younger victim somewhere else. He should be sent to a clinical psychologist to get to the bottom of his sadistic mania. I have always said child abuse is epidemic in Pakistan.

HANNAH Jan 02, 2017 11:28pm

there is not clarity in the article if he is abuser why he didn't victimize rest of his family members why only her

Rizwan Jan 02, 2017 11:56pm

This father seems to be an insane step father. Generally all fathers love their daughter. However, this case seems to be an exception. Pray for the child for her well being.

Nimra Jan 03, 2017 12:07am

Agitating n disturbing. I m shocked for your mom's behaviour.if she is really your mom by birth,she should have sent that retarded man to some assylum or rehabilitation center... May God bless your soul.

Paggrri Sambhal Jan 03, 2017 12:39am

I didnt believe this crap.How could a father be like this? Seems pure fiction.

imtiaz Jan 03, 2017 12:49am

@zeemz what a nonsense. Even if something was wrong then what's child fault in it

yasir Jan 03, 2017 01:09am

Totally absurd write up .. I guess she is very dramatically trying to make a point ..

jasim Jan 03, 2017 01:47am

cowardice, the people who claim to love you failed to protect you.

PARVEZ CHOWDHURY Jan 03, 2017 02:36am

Make me so Sad!

Omer Jan 03, 2017 03:00am

My Father use to hit me when i was young, just me not my younger brother and elder sister, he use to say i am bad mannered and bad child, I was just ordinary, he hit me the first time then the second and than it kept going..until one day he slapped me and i stared back in his eyes may be i was about to defend my self,he moved back and never hit me again thinking that its enough and i am old enough for him...i still regret what i did but that was a rage....

Ahsan Gul Jan 03, 2017 03:36am

This article may be true but fails to tell us the reasons why the father was thrashing his own kid?

Kj Jan 03, 2017 04:39am

What I don't get out of this story is why school didn't do anything ? Also it seems a bit more along someone living in a western country not pakistan because school counselor.... I don't think Pakistani schools have counselors but i couldn't be wrong. But either way, I don't condone the abuse, even though I'm not convinced with the story.. smh!!

Imran Siddiqui Jan 03, 2017 05:24am

@Masoud oh bhai poor kid was beaten up every week. She was punished for something that she didn't even know about. Spanking and targeted abuse are two different things!!

Farouq Omaro Jan 03, 2017 05:31am

That man needs help. He should pay for what he"s done. I am appalled that the mother allowed this to happen.

UA Jan 03, 2017 05:45am

@Humayun It's not about the Friday prayer, mate but probably about the weekend. Bruises are less obvious a couple of days after they are incurred.

Muhammad Murad Iqbal Jan 03, 2017 06:04am

Having been blessed with one of God's best gifts, daughter, it is unfathomable for me how a father can harm his child like this. Your father is a psychopath and I believe to regain your self confidence and lead a normal life, if you are old and independent enough, you have to face him, ask for apologies, name and shame him in at least your family.

Mohammad Qader Jan 03, 2017 06:24am

Seems very unfortunate but is it real or some kind of a wild dream? No father in his senses would do something like this to his daughter!

indi Jan 03, 2017 06:41am

@zeemz i think so

Fatima mirza Jan 03, 2017 07:06am

I think author of this story is hiding some facts from the reader. It looks like a self fabricated story.

Shafique Jan 03, 2017 07:18am

Story has no direction unless actual / suspected motive of beating is brought forward. Although abuse is rampant in the society, the published material should have some necessary details or analysis by the narrator

RPK Jan 03, 2017 07:32am

I just cried (I am 63 yeras old now). I felt the pain, which you endured, with each strike of the cane. I am father of a son and daughter. I might have hit my son sometimes. But never my daughter.

Ali Khan Jan 03, 2017 08:39am

Waste of time. Sounds fictitious and vague.

Ahmed Jan 03, 2017 08:41am

Can anyone explain for me what this article is all about? Once upon a time there was a father who had set up an alarm to beat his daughter, and then suddenly it stopped

Curious Jan 03, 2017 08:54am

But why ?

Aussie Jan 03, 2017 09:18am

sounds like a made up fiction story

tric Jan 03, 2017 10:10am

out of words. very sad

Jan 03, 2017 10:11am

where is the father now?why not catch him & find out why he behaved like this.It was injustice not to ignore and mother is a witness to this.Expose this & make sure it should never happens in any family.

itrat khaliq Jan 03, 2017 10:36am

if you remain silent , you are siding with the wicked. Speak up not for yourself but also to break this cycle of misogyny .

El Cid Jan 03, 2017 10:45am

@zeemz Good point.The only pathological situation/explanation, sick as it is. Good but not enough, not satisfactory.

aamir Jan 03, 2017 10:50am

What a cruel person

javaid saadat Jan 03, 2017 11:43am

i do not think that a father could do this sort of beating to any of his children without any specific reason.

Galadriel Jan 03, 2017 12:05pm

@Mohsi I wish people would stop generalizing like this. Yes, most parents are lovely and self sacrificing and a deep well of love and protection for their children. But there are such exceptions as well. I honestly do not understand why the concept of abusive parents is so difficult to grasp. Discounting her suffering at the hands of her own father and calling it complaining is cruel on your end as well. A little empathy never hurt anyone.

ABC Jan 03, 2017 12:05pm

Story of my life, i never knew why i could never talk infront of my father

Imran Jan 03, 2017 12:14pm

Something is missing, the story makes no sense

Jaypee Jan 03, 2017 12:33pm

Very very sad ! This can make every human being emotionally sad. Father's are supposed to have a soft corner in their heart for their daughters. But here father seems to have a psychological problem or may be he is an alocohlic.

khakan Jan 03, 2017 12:49pm

The father is a criminal. He should face the full force of the law. Beating a helpless child, mother and other siblings did nothing, the teachers did nothing. What kind of a society are people in Pakistan living. this father needs to be in jail or under treatment. However , this cannot be condoned father or not.

khakan Jan 03, 2017 12:54pm

@zeemz does not give the father to beat the innocent child. Please stop making excuses for this wicked man

aqib khattak Jan 03, 2017 02:23pm

I pray that very girl has a brother in order to secure his sister from such brutalism. I pray May God give u a well health and and patience. Ameen

zoya ali khan Jan 03, 2017 02:35pm

buttt why this happens with yoouu

ak Jan 03, 2017 02:36pm

@zeemz How can you even ask that, can anything justify the brutality this kid went throw. Grow a soul for God Sake.

Abrar Jan 03, 2017 04:06pm

It made me the whole day sad when I read her yesterday, Basically its psychiatric problem of our society.It is the tip of iceberg. Education imparting sources like school, mosque, TV and film, story writers and etc have to play their roles to address this issue. I appreciate 'Dawn' surfacing such hidden problems of our society.

Jess Jan 03, 2017 04:46pm

One word ... Maniac!!!!

Jess Jan 03, 2017 04:55pm

@baba .. Channeling your anger by beating a child is no way to justify why its been done. Being an adult we all face problem.. if we hit the children to deviate the problem then our kids will be dead by the time they are 15. Such people are mentally ill and need help. Not justification towards their abusive act.

Pakistani Jan 03, 2017 05:31pm

Why is Pakistan full of sick people? and why are sick people allowed to get married? why why why?!!

and shame on all those people who hide about the mental sickness of their sons just so they can get married. take your sons to psychiatrists, and do not ruin a woman's life by marrying off your son to her

Raza Jan 03, 2017 06:02pm

its inhuman to hit the children in this way.. Islam teaches us to love children and up bring them in a positive way..I wonder why we don't practice our religion

This is such a sad story!!

Fawzia H Jan 03, 2017 06:36pm

The mother's role in this abuse is just as bad as the father's. A mother has to go to any lengths to protect her child. What

Arun Jan 03, 2017 07:48pm

@baba Are you a Pakistani? I'm Indian and have undergone what you have explained here during my childhood and yes, very much like you , I too have never ever or will never ever hurt my daughter physically or emotionally. The emotional scar this physical abuse leaves on the individual is unexplainable.

A million HATS off to Dawn for publishing this story. Indian media ignores such matters.

Arun Jan 03, 2017 07:52pm

@A Man The mother in.All probabilities was not much educated to take up a job and fend for herself and her kids. The Only option left with her was to suffer in silence.

Adnan Jan 03, 2017 07:55pm

it is very sad...i wish & pray that you get of that fear and you find a love that washes away all the bad memories of your past....

Arun Jan 03, 2017 07:55pm

@Mohsi You either have a very loving father or you have a father who is even.more evil about whom you are even scared to think about.

Waheed Jamal Jan 03, 2017 07:54pm

This one side of the story but we haven't heard the other side. I believe we could only reach to some point after hearing the other side. Why in fourth grade? if he was mentally ill then why not before 4rth grade? Why he stopped after three years? So hearing both sides is important. After reading one side I believe nothing justifies fathers actions.

shahana Jan 03, 2017 08:04pm

'Anonymous' has been incredibly brave and taken the first major step to healing: acknowledging the abuse meted out to her in writing. Its painful to know that though the other family members knew about this physical abuse they seemed powerless to stop it especially the mother.Were they all so dependant on this abuser that they would suffer irreversibly for the rest of their lives if they did dare report him or confront him? There is NO justification for taking out your rage against anyone let alone a defenceless little child. The treatment for hypertension is anti-hypertensives not violence. I hope and pray that this girl is able to grow strong and positive, become independant and move physically away from her abusive father .Then she must hold them to account. As her father - the one person who is supposed to be the protector of the child he deserves a far greater punishment than had it been anyone else. We need a proper system in this country where children can report abuse .

akamal Jan 03, 2017 08:20pm

You are brave in expressing your views and its firsts steps on a journey to closure. (i) get counselling (ii) get legal help and (iii) go to the police. It is NOT okay for parents to hit their children let alone beat them sadistically for no reason. By not standing up to him you will never get closure. Bullies and abusers are manipulative cowards so once you start to build a support network around you and stand up to him, you will see him crumble.

j Jan 03, 2017 08:43pm

Very sad...but what I don't understand is why didn't the mother do anything to stop this? No mother can see her child in such a state! She must have had her family who she could seek help from....

w_harry Jan 03, 2017 09:47pm

Feeling bad to be a dad and male! Shame on us!!

Dr. rafiq khan Jan 03, 2017 09:50pm

Very sad, there is no excuse for mistreating children. If we truly are a majority Muslim country then we need to be better.

This might be a useful link:

https://cpwb.punjab.gov.pk/

SR Jan 03, 2017 10:17pm

All I can say is I am really sorry this happened to you for so long. Thank you for sharing your story with us

Mrs haris Jan 03, 2017 10:24pm

Absolutely cowardly act. The teachings of humanity and our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) teach us to have the best of character. The best of character can only be judged at home with those who are closest to you, physically and emotionally. Hearts duas for whoever the brother or sister is who had to go through this. May they experience such love in their life that all their grief seems like a bad dream. Ameen

helloall Jan 03, 2017 10:46pm

Not a father, but a disgusting animal and criminal. There is no excuse for what he did and he should be punished and punished severely for what he did to that girl. What about the mother? Isn't she supposed to do everything in her power to protect her daughter? She just knew how to live like a slave. totally disgusting!!!

Make Pakistan great Jan 03, 2017 11:28pm

@Farouq Omaro

Why the mother allowed her husband to behave in such a way with the author is the crux of the matter. There are many questions to which there is no attempt to provide answers. Or may be the whole episode is fabricated.

Reader Jan 04, 2017 12:09am

I want to close my eyes and feel your pain. Please move on, I know saying is easy, but doing is hard.

Bahadur Jan 04, 2017 12:36am

I feel sorry for the writer but it seems there is more there than meets the eye. Father has no excuse to hit child like that but few questions: Was father beating sister too or just him/her? Why was father 'taking out anger' on the writer? Why not on wife/mother or sister? Was the beating only on Fridays? I wish the article had elaborated little more.

Feroz Jan 04, 2017 12:39am

Many people suffer from mental sickness but very few agree to go for treatment and counseling. What happens within families is very rarely revealed outside.

Singh Jan 04, 2017 12:53am

In today's world nobody have right to do physical abuse even they are your parents. You must come into open & set example for other girls who might going through same trauma just like you. Please think about this & have courage to stand against abuse in our part of world.

Obaid Jan 04, 2017 12:56am

Your father appears to be a psycho. Ideally nut cases like him should be dealt with but in a society like ours where people die falling of crowded buses, chances are slim. I also blame your mother for allowing the continued abuse.

Zubair Jan 04, 2017 01:04am

@Masoud Maybe you did not understand what is written. In no way does this blog post say that it was the usual spanking. Try to read again

Nayak Jan 04, 2017 01:03am

Dear Anonymous, when I was reading your story, it's like reading my own biography. My father did exactly the same to me, but only difference is that my mother or sister never came to my rescue. My father used to hit for only reason that I was not doing as well as my brother in school. He would hit me if my brother scored less and my mother would never come in between, because, for her, my brother was everything. Dear Anonymous, at least, your sister and mother came to your help, but, in my case, no one but my endless tears. single drop of tear didn't come out when my father died.

Nayak Jan 04, 2017 02:17am

@Waheed Jamal I feel sad for your kid, if you are having one, or will be having one. no matter what, parents should not hit their kids. period. you have no idea how it affects. our childhood is the main reason why creativity is deserting us so badly.

Jogi Jan 04, 2017 03:31am

Strange......a well learned author of this article writing about an abuse,unaware of the reasons.....thats really strange

ST Jan 04, 2017 03:29am

@Masoud You are obviously incapable of recognising what abuse is. A foolish and ignorant comment on your part.

Ruby Jan 04, 2017 03:33am

How do we know this is true

Usman ASIF Jan 04, 2017 04:05am

Oh my God. This is horribly sick. Broke my heart to read. As a father of two young kids myself, I cannot imagine ever hurting them this way. What sick gratification did he get from beating his tiny, defenseless daughter? My God. This is unconscionable, absolutely unconscionable.

rashid nasim Jan 04, 2017 04:16am

Animals are better then these fathers.

Zia Jan 04, 2017 06:40am

God bless you with only good things from now on. Hope you will live again full life and may be one day forgive the sick man who happened to be your dad. And I hope you will love your kids very much even if they make you crazy. When sick and weak people don't find the reason of their failures in life they become opressors for the physically weak. God bless you with peace n love girl.

Ali Jan 04, 2017 08:40am

Either psycho or you were not his child. There is no third reason for a father to beat his child specially a daughter.

Shailendra Jan 04, 2017 09:59am

Why do that to a child? Very sad.

Asif Jan 04, 2017 10:55am

@Masoud I am ashamed that people are trying to find causes. This man is a criminal in eyes of humanity and especially our religion that teaches kindness. Anyone who hits a defenseless child must be put behind bars for a very very long time.

tariq Jan 04, 2017 11:18am

@Shahryar Shirazi exactly, it should be investigated, very sad story but not clear,

Faisal Jan 04, 2017 12:13pm

Very Strange.

Zohaib Hassan Jan 04, 2017 12:48pm

What could possibly be wrong with your dad? Deplorable. Out of words for any condemnation

Urooj Zaidi Jan 04, 2017 12:57pm

Strange. Hard to swallow.

SAEED MASOOD Jan 04, 2017 01:07pm

If this story is true then it is very bad, but there is no proof that it is true, sounds very American, fathers abusing children till their courts came stopped this nonsense. Pakistan also needs counsiling and proper teaching at schools.

BT Jan 04, 2017 02:29pm

But, why? :/ Was he crazy? I think your mother was equally responsible for this. She should have taken steps rather then just sitting and staring. Why? Why? :/

Inayatullah Memon Jan 04, 2017 02:40pm

I could not read full column, i still not understand how a father can beat his innocent daughter? from where he get strength to do this. Speechless...............................................

Fayzee Jan 04, 2017 03:43pm

Unbelievable!!! So Sad..

Hamza Jan 04, 2017 03:51pm

I am not buying it, sorry to say its one side story. half truth.

SDA Jan 04, 2017 04:35pm

The father must be mentally sick.

shahana Jan 04, 2017 05:00pm

@Nayak So sorry to hear your tragic experience with the abuse you suffered from your father. Don't ever feel guilty for not crying at his funeral.It is not your failure but his failure to do justice to his daughter. If one does cry it is for the loss of what could have been , what should have been. It is devastating when parents do not treat their children fairly , single them out for special treatment or cruelty. I hope as an adult that you can now exert control over your own life and not let your abuse in childhood stop you from developing a healthy personality and positive outlook. It is hard to overcome depression ,but you will find people that love you and know that God loves you too and will not spare those who hurt you so badly their due punishment.

siddique Jan 04, 2017 05:41pm

I was unable to read further after few lines

Parvez Jan 04, 2017 05:50pm

Sad. Very very sad indeed. Look ahead girl. Bad things happen but we have to recover. Tie your life to future and not past.

Arshad Jan 04, 2017 06:30pm

I would go to any extent to protect my child..and if that involves a police complaint, so be it

Qureshi Jan 04, 2017 07:11pm

Its a sad part of your life but what could be the reason of beating and torturing you is not clear in your write up. May be it was about your studies that you did not show a result what your father wanted to see in your academics. Otherwise there is no point someone beat his child more often without any solid reason or may be he enjoy by doing that if he is a typical physco case but still i am wondering why only to his one particular daughter and not other children. So better you try to dig in more about this and try to know the facts and figures from your mother.....i am sure she know all about your terrible part of your childhood punishment....!!

Javed Jan 04, 2017 07:22pm

@zeemz I am thinking the same. The fact the father only goes after one daughter and the mother doesn't intervene at all and then comes back and cry later. I think the author definitely is not tell us all that she knows.

Just an observer Jan 04, 2017 08:35pm

Salute to you to write this story and tell the world. Lots of kids go through this and you have spoken for all of them. I read the comments below, many low IQ people say it has to be a fake story. Dont let that upset you. I myself have had an abusive childhood and have had low intelligence insensitive people say the same. Most probably they could be doing the same in their homes , hence want to discredit any such story. I can understand why your mom kept quiet . In traditional societies, its hard for a woman to feed herself and her kids if the man kicked her out and she cant hold a job to sustain herself and her kids. So they take the beatings and see their kids suffering too and stomach it, just so that they are not kicked out of the house with nowhere to go and kids suffering even more.Your best revenge is to get a good job and move out and enjoy life. Judgement day is ruthless

Anwar Sadat Jan 04, 2017 09:04pm

By the way not only is your father guilty of child abuse but your mother is also not worth her salt for not protecting you. She should have been willing to sacrifice her own life to prevent your father from harming you.

DA Jan 04, 2017 09:32pm

Seem like a psychiatric illness. I had a mother who would go off into a rage and beat me, but it wasn't this systematic. Sadly, she's incurable, and I'm scarred for life. But believe me, life gets to be liveable. Although I get the point about love - it's overrated. We have to try and make happiness a functions of our own actions on not rely on anyone else for it.

mobeen Khan Jan 04, 2017 09:48pm

@zeemz are you serious? even if that is the case, which I wont even try contemplating, then does that mean the child should get the beating? I think both the parents should be sent to jail, one for the the abuse and other for being complacent, and the child should be sent to rehab.

MADIHA Jan 04, 2017 09:52pm

IM SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU! I hope you heal both physically and emotionally. i pray and wish for all the best for you. and gosh, you are so brave for coming out and writing this. all my love and prayers!

MM SHARMA Jan 04, 2017 10:22pm

Very very sad and sorry for the girl. Also very thrilled that she went ahead with her education and wrote this touching letter. Wish you were my child; you have the spirit. God bless you and hope you love someone as deeply and sincerely. That surely heals

Fatma Jan 04, 2017 10:39pm

Mistakes by elders do not justify punishment. Pathetic sub continental mindset of men to abuse women and Children. Both parents have made unpardoned mistake. Mother should have lodged FIR.Very courageous writing in conservative society.

Siva D Jan 04, 2017 11:33pm

i am sorry! i hope you can get counselling asap.

Roger US Jan 05, 2017 12:30am

Child is a Child. Love them unconditionally and they will do the same. Very sad when one parent abuse their child and the other remain silent, they are both sinners in the eye of almighty.

muhammad usama Jan 05, 2017 12:29am

I am feeling like, I am at a loss for words. Thunderstruck, does it really happening, parents are being cruel to their own child. Felt sorry for her. The writer should have mentioned the causes, why? nobody at home or any relatives notice his behaviour towards his child.

Satyameva Jayate Jan 05, 2017 01:29am

To Submit to Brutality is CRIMINAL TOO.

fAROOQ sHEIKH Jan 05, 2017 01:33am

Father or not, I would advise all being abused to elevate the matter. The SOB in this story should have been put behind bars and as the mother for being so weak and helpless. The domestic abuse can be part of the academics where techniques are dispensed to ward off and take action.

ace Jan 05, 2017 03:18am

@Masoud what a stupid comment, did you not read the aricle every FRIDAY, such father's are cowards taking it out on their innocent children.

Nayak Jan 05, 2017 03:37am

@Qureshi you know why her father tortured her? because he was as monster and horrible person as you. how can you justify his hitting with her failure in study?

UD Jan 05, 2017 03:41am

Why she or her mother do not mention the reason he was doing so? It is not possible for about 10 years he did not mention or her mother did not find out from her husband. It remains a ' fill in the blank' in the article.

UD Jan 05, 2017 03:43am

What was the reason?

naeem Jan 05, 2017 03:54am

Sad, tragic and scary! You need to get strong, brave girl. Face your father, look into his eyes and make him sorry for that. He needs to answer your every question. Dont let him impose anything on you. Plus: Every Pakistani is with you. You will never face a second of abuse from now, Inshallah. We all are here to help you, if you need. Stay strong.

fAROOQ sHEIKH Jan 05, 2017 04:09am

@Mohsi you're in denial mister by casting a doubt and wanting to give the sick "father" a free hall pass...Hopefully, you are not abusing your own kids!

Adil Jadoon Jan 05, 2017 05:13am

Is this for real....i suggest you wait till you are stronger and then it is payback time!!!

ROSHAN Jan 05, 2017 06:24am

The worst Nightmare one would experience , may you have the courage to cope with the past and mould your future accordingly .

afridi Jan 05, 2017 08:02am

So you remember his beatings, you didnt mention the reasons behind those beatings. You havent cared about his apologies, some people have short bursts of anger and they lose control and later on regret it and apologize immediately. Financial situations, family problems, traffic, energy crisis, theft of politicians, negativity shown in the news 24/7, failure to achieve targets, corrupted food, dirty roads, pollution, noise... have made us short tempered. We are unable to absorb any pain and anger anymore causing more divorces these days, the human rights agencies are quick to grab this opportunity and coercing everyone to break shackles, evolve, speak out, raise voice this and that!! chaos upon chaos.

Afsar Zaman Jan 05, 2017 08:29am

Thank you for writing a sad story. Shame on all, who knew your suffering but didn't help you, save you, from the criminal. Be bold and try to help people who suffer at the hands of such criminals. It may help you to overcome your past grief. We as a member of society have responsibility to raise our voice, against all criminals and help our suffering brothers & sisters.

Abdul jabbar Jan 05, 2017 08:39am

To bring these types of story to daily newspaper is not a good idea. Otherwise these story should go to psychiatrists and motivational speakers because they are the right people to address these types of psycho-patients.

Anonymous Jan 05, 2017 10:17am

Unclear why did your father did this to you. Sometimes addicts have tendency to do erratic things.

DR. RAMESH R. BURBURE Jan 05, 2017 10:29am

My Heartfelt sympathy to the Child abused by the father. I pray to God not to give any child in this world such a cruel father.

Raj Jan 05, 2017 11:25am

I am so sorry that this happened to you, it is just horrible.

Aman Jan 05, 2017 11:34am

be strengthen, every dark night turns in a bright and shiny day