Single, ready to mingle? Single and available? Still single? Tum shaadi kyun nahin kar letin? This is just a sample of the barrage of questions likely to hit an unmarried woman anywhere she goes in our society of busy bodies.

If you are on the much maligned curve that takes you near and then over and finally past the ‘hill’, you are in for trouble. From the aunty next door to your doctor’s receptionist to your tailor to the drycleaner, all want to know if you are a Miss or a Mrs and Ms is looked upon a wee bit suspiciously.

People are plain curious and quite ruthlessly so and they have no clue how irksome and irritating they are with their ‘bas ab tum bhi kar he lo’ kind of remarks. Sure, you want to tell them; as if there is a queue outside the door with Prince Charming, followed by the knight in shining armour, followed by your dream boy, followed by the ‘nice’ boy your mum prays for and so on. Easier said than done!

Nevertheless, in a weak and lonely moment, perhaps triggered by a semi-sympathetic-cum-stupid remark by someone lamenting one’s state of being single, one may succumb to the attractive appeal of matrimonial websites promising happy and everlasting marriage, the lure of an ideal husband a click away.

Looking at the good looking couples with dewy eyes and ‘oh so in love’ smiles, it is not that difficult to surrender to the flashing wedding ring on the screen of my laptop. ‘Become a member now!’ Hmm, this would mean that I would shop for a husband in complete privacy, without any dictatorial mother or dogmatic aunty being involved.

Signing in on Pakrishta.com will provide me local options but muslima.com, singlemuslim.com, nikah.com and salaamlove.com, arabium.com, arablounge.com and many more would extend my horizons to Islamic countries — visions of handsome Palestinians, rich Arab oil barons, rugged Egyptians (on camel back), and gorgeous Lebanese (making shawarma) flashed across my mind. This seemed far better than restricting my options to shaadikaroge.com or inikah.com or shaadi.com which are limited to the subcontinent. In fact I could make global leaps on easymatrimony.com; for once, the world was my oyster.

All I needed was my laptop and the internet. The world of unmarried men, here I come. With great excitement I created a profile, listing all my eccentricities, likes and dislikes. In less than 20 minutes, my entire life was uploaded to thousands of strangers along with one of my relatively pretty photographs. In twenty minutes I had a web id, a membership number, a welcome email and voila, I was on the cyber market.

The next day I was completely overwhelmed by the number of hits I had received. So many people had shown interest and some wanted to know my phone number for even quicker communication. Totally floored by my own popularity, I spent the day at work thinking what an amazing idea this was and wondering why I hadn’t thought of it earlier. Men all over the world wanted to know me, love me, and perhaps even marry me. Little did I know that this single, particular, precious moment was the zenith, the climax of my project-plunge.

There are all sorts of people available through websites. Some want to talk and others don’t. Some say nice things, others say unmentionable stuff even at the risk of being reported and blocked. Some are lonely, others are totally psycho; some like to tell secrets like how they bang their head on the wall when missing their late wife and round the session off by crying while some are so secretive you wonder if they are on an espionage mission.

Half of the fellows who responded didn’t put up pictures for obvious reasons but wanted to know if I would chat and provide web cam access. Half of the fellows who did put up pictures quite frankly shouldn’t have bothered. A few were interested to get to know me better while some losers wanted me to upgrade my membership in order to read mail from them which meant that I should spend money for some cheap guy looking for a free ride.

In the next three days I found out that matrimonial websites are like fun fairs. Everyone gets charmed by the dazzling lights, the crowds and the colours but there are only a lucky few who can throw the ring on the best prize, hit the right number, shoot the target and come out with bears and balloons. Others come out dizzy after the rides, with the aftertaste of candy floss in their mouths.