Dear Auntie,
I am preparing for the CSS 2025 exam and I am a career-oriented person. However, I also deeply value my roots and traditions. Despite being 24 years old, I consider myself mature for my age, because I carefully think through everything I do.

I have been talking to someone for over a year, but I hesitate to call it a commitment because I don’t feel like he is fully committed to me. He believes we are committed and will eventually marry, but he doesn’t communicate with me regularly. Sometimes he goes silent for two to three months, but we still have conversations. I can’t say it is love, but I see him as a potential partner due to our compatibility. And I value compatibility over love.

However, I have a gut feeling that he may not be loyal, even though I have no concrete evidence. I have discussed this with him, and he thinks I am overthinking. I am unsure about what to do next. Please guide me. (Also, I feel incredibly happy when we talk, like a proper communication, but that happens rarely.)
Someone Confused

‘I Like Someone But He Keeps Disappearing’

Dear Someone Confused, 
It’s commendable that you are taking the time to consider your feelings and the situation. It is important to prioritise your own wellbeing and happiness in any relationship.

Based on what you have shared, you have valid concerns about the level of commitment and communication in your relationship. While compatibility is indeed crucial in a partnership, it is equally important to have open and consistent communication and mutual trust. Your concerns about this man going silent for long periods of time and not communicating regularly with you are very valid. His quiet periods are distressing for you and raise doubts about his commitment and loyalty. You should pay attention to your instincts if you are feeling uneasy about his behaviour, even if you don’t know for sure if he has been disloyal. One should always pay attention to one’s gut.

The good thing is that you have raised your concerns with him. Please don’t let anyone tell you that you are overthinking it. You are not. If both of you are discussing marriage, you have the right to know why he disappears. If he is dismissing your concerns, it indicates a lack of understanding or willingness to address your feelings. In a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to express their concerns and work together to find solutions.

Have an open conversation with him and tell him how his unexplained disappearances make you feel and how trust and consistency are important in a relationship. Pay attention to what he says and whether he shows genuine understanding and a willingness to improve the situation.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, secure and respected. Trust your instincts, prioritise your wellbeing, and don’t hesitate to take necessary steps to ensure your happiness, whether it involves addressing issues in this relationship or exploring other possibilities.

Take care and I hope you make the right decision for your future.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 7th, 2024

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