Dear Auntie,

I am a 24-year-old girl and have recently joined a new job in a big company. On the day I joined, I noticed my boss was taking a lot of interest in me, and also staring at me. He is also very kind and helpful towards me and is helping me a lot in settling down in the new job. I think he is in love with me, based on the way he behaves around me. He has not done anything wrong. I also like him, but the problem is that he is married with one son. I have a feeling that he has problems with his wife and they are not getting along. I don’t know what to do. I think I am getting involved with him.

Involved

Dear Involved,

Next time he calls you to his room for a chat, take yourself out of your body and watch the two of you from the point of view of a fly on the wall. What do you see? A married man bored with his marriage, flirting with the latest pretty young thing in the office. Sigh.

‘I think I’m getting involved with my married boss’

He is not in love with you, my love. He is someone who is deceiving his spouse, who is in all probability putting her life on hold to take care of and bring up their son. She is probably completely unaware that her husband is eyeing up other women at work. Or maybe she is aware and is ‘dealing’ with it. The only one my heart goes out to in this situation is her.

My dear, you are not the love of your boss’ life that he stumbled upon during the interview for this job. You are a mere distraction for a man who is probably bored with his wife and is looking for — how do you say it? — a change of taste. Yes! You are the side chick! You are the thrilling escape from the drudgery of his marriage to this man. And that is not a good position to be in.

Do you think this man would still have feelings for you if he saw you at your worst? Sleepy, tired-eyed, trying to wipe smelly curdled milk off her nightclothes while dealing with a cranky baby? How do you feel about a man who sees his wife like that and then wanders off to flirt with other women? Let’s take your fantasy a few steps ahead. Let’s say you take this relationship with your boss to the next level and he leaves his wife for you… would you ever be able to trust him in the company of other women? Wouldn’t you sit around wondering what he is up to in the office?

In any case, plenty of research and Auntie’s experience of life shows that people seldom rock the boat called marriage. Most people who have affairs are happy having their cake and eating it too. Why is that? Because the affair is an escape from a person’s reality. It allows him or her to leave the reality and boredom of responsibilities and marriage and add some excitement to his or her life. The person he or she is having an affair with, or flirting with, is a fantasy and an illusion.

Your boss may have created some crazy fantasy about you in his head because you probably dress up, look great and smell even better when you go to the office. Tomorrow, if the fantasy (i.e. you) becomes the wife, that compartment in his head will become vacant, and open for the next willing PYT. It’s a pattern. Get it?

Whether he is happy or not in his marriage is not your problem. A married man or woman is simply a slippery slope, baby. One that you should stay away from and definitely not go down. The momentary thrill and excitement are just not worth the long-term heartache and the heartbreak.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.

Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 24th, 2022