Dear Auntie Agni,
I am a 21-year-old girl who is passionate about her goals and ambitions, but my parents are not that supportive. They don’t even listen to what I want and what I want to do with my life. They want me to do things on their terms and conditions, but I don’t want to. Also I was in an abusive relationship and got over it by my own without anyone’s help, but my parents taunt me about it. I really want to be successful in my life and I want to make my own money without bothering anyone, but my parents don’t even support me. What should I do to make my self-esteem better?
A miserable person

Dear Miserable Person,
You haven’t said what your goals are, and why your parents don’t approve of them. They might have very valid concerns about your ambitions and you might want to think rationally about that.

At the same time, while many parents are extremely supportive of their children, there are some parents out there who are unwilling or unable to give their children the support they want or need to achieve their ambitions. Realising this can be very disheartening for children, as you have learnt the hard way.

At the same time, there are many people, apart from your parents, who can be potential allies and can help support your ambitions. These can be other relatives, such as your grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings. Sometimes, supportive networks can be found outside of the family in the shape of friends, teachers, colleagues and others among the people you hang out with.

‘My parents are not supportive of my goals’

So look around you. You probably already have a network in which you can find other supportive people. Think about those around you. Which of them do you trust? Who can you count on for giving good advice? These are the people you can count on and to whom you can turn for encouragement towards achieving your goals and ambitions.

It is unfortunate that, if our parents are dismissive of our ambitions, to some extent we ‘believe’ what they think. To tackle this, you will need to regularly remind yourself that, sometimes, parents don’t know better. We are surrounded by examples of people whose parents did not think they would get far in a particular field and who were then surprised by what their children ended up achieving.

The important thing to remember is that our parents are human beings and what the future holds is anyone’s guess. At the same time, I want to stress that, while you may not share your parents’ opinion, you have to respect it.     

So think carefully about your goals. Have a precise goal, such as ‘I want to attend XX university in Y country for higher studies.’

Think about why you want to achieve this goal. What is your motivation? Taking the university example, you might want a particular degree because it will be beneficial in helping you rise in your field of choice.

Next, think about the steps you need to take towards your goal. If your parents are not supportive, who in your support network can

help? What steps do you need to take to achieve your goals?

There is a lot you can do even if your parents aren’t on board with your ambitions. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 9th, 2021