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“Read this interesting one-liner by Manto,” said my boss from one of my former workplaces as he nudged his smartphone in my direction.
Knowing who Saadat Hasan Manto was, and well-acquainted with the lascivious nature of my boss, I refused to read what he wanted me to.
But he insisted, “Why? Just read it.”
I was unyielding, “Sir, I don’t want to read it.”
As soon as I gave a firm ‘No’, he uttered, in a desperate hurry, the words that he was meaning for me to read all this time: “Beti koi paida karna nahi chahta lekin bistar par saray mard aurat chahtay hain." (Nobody wants to give birth to a daughter but all men want women in their beds).
Utterly disgusted and astounded at his shameless brazenness, I couldn’t find appropriate words to retort with (something I will always regret all my life), and so I only managed to give him a look of disapproval, seeing which he left the office in a hurry, saying that he is getting late for his zuhr prayers.
On the same topic: Sunday magazine special – Sexual harrasment
This was the second time he had crossed a line in our conversations. The first time, I had given him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that he may have spoken those words on the spur of the moment – but on this occasion, I was sure of his intentions.
Exchanges like these between male and female colleagues are ubiquitous in workplaces. Sometimes, this talk takes place with the consent of females; however, more often than not, male supervisors and their counterparts just force their indecent remarks and opinions upon females – an act that falls into the category of verbal sexual harassment.
Men like him like to harass women as a cheap thrill, oblivious to the fact that women who leave their homes to earn a living or make a career belong to households not different than their own.
Had I castigated him, and recorded a complaint against him in the company’s employee helpline, apropos of his out-of-bounds talks, he would have gotten a taste of his own medicine.
Read more: 'We are OK with sexual harassment'
If I had enough courage to do this at that time, odds are ten to one that next time he would have mulled his words at least two to three times over before saying something like this to another female colleague. However, I did not utter a word, let alone file a complaint, like most women in my position.
For starters, many women believe that a harasser’s actions cannot be changed just by a little reprimand. At other times, we choose to remain silent in order to preserve the work environment.
We are rarely ever entirely independent in our jobs – we rely on teamwork, take assistance from each other to make up for our lack of knowledge and experiences in certain areas.
Our promotions and appraisals depend upon how our supervisors evaluate us, and sometimes we are simply not in a position to fight back.
On top of that, we have all heard the arguments since childhood where elders say, “Men are men, they will do what they want, and you can’t fight them. It is you who has to be careful, otherwise you will be blamed”.
Because of concerns like these, in one fell swoop, the kinds of thoughts that cross a victim’s mind whenever she encounters an act of harassment are something as under:
“Did I give the other person some wrong signals?”
“Was I not behaving professionally?”
“Was I not dressed rightly?”
This brings me to why I feel guilt-stricken, and irate with myself for not giving him a shut-up call he rightfully deserved. We start questioning ourselves because that is what we’ve been taught all our lives: the victim is the one responsible for the harassment.
It took me a good amount of time to realise that I was not at fault when my boss unleashed the dirt of his mind on me. I had done nothing to instigate him to talk to me like he did.
Explore further: Women's Protection Bill — A case of men's insecurities
Therefore, it is important that as employees (and as women), we should know our rights, i.e. the ability to call out behaviour when it goes off limits, and access to grievance-recording systems and mechanisms in our surroundings that we can utilise in case we are confronted with workplace harassment.
We should always be vigilant of others’ conduct and not let anyone dare take advantage of this idea that since we are women, we are somehow deserving of such behaviour. And if we decide to wage war against the ones exploiting us, we should stand firm and not let them bring us down.
If you are facing sexual harassment at work and would like to file a complaint, please follow the government's guidelines here and here. You can also reach out to NGO helplines. If you wish to share your story at Dawn, write to us at blog@dawn.com
Zebaish Cheema is a 24-year-old business graduate from NUST living in Rawalpindi.
The views expressed by this writer and commenters below do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.
Comments (92) Closed
Worth Reading for a man who have a girl or sister ,,,,,,,,,
Truly admire your courage,you are a shining example for my daughters.
A woman who bears a child is called mother. It does not stop there, she takes all the pains to bring him up.I cant imagine a person to insult a woman in his life time
This is another way of saying, stay at home, know your place. You should have taken it to superiors. Also, if one is afraid the company will ask for concrete proof, audio or video recordings of such people will surely expose them. These people need to be scared. We have had enough!
The issue is being over hyped. Such realities of life are a part and parcel of ones professional life. I am not supporting it for a second but every working person has to deal with it like they have to with other challenges such as discrimination.
A real man will never molest a lady.
With experience you will understand... how to draw the line b/w u, ur boss or colleagues... complaining will not help, we have seen cases in Ptv harassment case where the women bears the burden of all these issues.. best to be formal and stick around with a female colleague or two to avoid getting isolated attention.
True that some disgusting men think that since women come out of their homes to earn (which they shouldn't have), they have right to tease and harass those women, in this way they are teaching them a lesson to stay at home and they have earned "sawab" by teaching them a good lesson. How convenient is it for these men that all their "sawab" is earned through enforcing 'their own interpreted version' of religion on women and not through their own deeds :/
@Sohaib worth reading for all men not just those who have daughters or sisters
We men somewhere are involved in this act, either directly or indirectly by not stopping our other male colleagues from passing comments. This mindset should change.
Appreciate your courage but this is just one side of the picture. But there are underlying advantages that females receive as a beginner, for promotions and receiving undue recognitions. I do not agree that it is always the one-sided thing. Just some well-crafted words do not change the reality on the ground.
Every word is well felt and heart touching. Salute to you, brave lady.
Thanx for writting this feature. I think all womens should know theire rights. But above 99% womens did not knew theire rights.
Is there any separate place for women on this planet please respect them they are humans like men they are mothers,daughters,sisters,wives beside from this whatever they are they have equall rights to live their lives.
Nice Article, Thanks Sister for sharing with Us. As a Father and Brother I am always encouraging My Daughters to respond to any offenses in the first time , don't let any one taken you for granted . I also encourage them to let us know if they find anything offensive from any one , no need to hide . We need to let understand our sisters and daughters that its not their fault if some one is doing inhuman things so that they should not feel the guilt of any sexual harassment . Thanks again
In depth one, and a fact that many of the bosses and colleagues try the same tricks to harass females in offices.
This piece should be circulated in all Pakistani workplaces for awareness purposes.
Even though its an one sided perspective; harassment by both genders is not approved for. Shut up calls are needed despite whatever position is enjoyed by the offender. But we let it go. Men leave it if there bosses abuse them verbally etc; thus the transition goes for women too.
worth reading this article.
Very well advised. But please don't just blame men for everything.
i have seen the misuse of protection from harassment act at my workplace (a govt. institution in islamabad).
Not a new phenomena. Happens every day, all over the world, from the East to the West.
But everyone has a choice. Either you can continue working for the same boss or company and put up with the indignities - until he changes or the company fires him. Or you could just leave and look for a more suitable employer to work for.
There should be no tolerance to this... No excuse is excusable.
Brilliant writing.Must be read by all women specially working ladies.
Great sane pak..
I feel for all the girls/women who work in this country. I request all males to please be respectful and never even give any hint of harassment or bothering someone, male or female. Even men feel harassed but its usually non-sexual. It is alright to like someone at work but it should be respectful and if the other person does not give a positive signal then better be silent and nice anyway.
Miss you are educated and working lady you should tackle these sort of problems which you brief , with use your talent, complaining to authorities is not a suitable act (practically)
Dont agree with you.
I work for an MNC with extremely strict standards on harassment. I also feel that women in Pakistan need to be protected at work place to encourage more of them to turn up. I also feel that there is a sick mentality among men that those who come to work are open to being approached. I consider it the highest form of unprofessional attitude and would never tolerate such a person working for me.
However, I feel that the writer has brewed a storm in a tea cup. Really? Manto? This is the same mentality that termed Manto a vulgar writer. The sentence that was used by the boss is not vulgar but is a reality. I am appalled by the author actually judging the writings of Manto. What a shame. The question is whether the boss would be willing to discuss this with his sister or mother and if the answer is yes, then it was not verbal sexual harassment. In any literate family Manto would be discussed openly as his writing was a window on the unfortunate realities of our society.
I have worked in Pakistan's top employers, during interviews i came across girl who reported weird stuff. What i have experienced, when men/women being Managers decides to harass, generally he/she does with his/her supervisor permission or at least acknowledgement. Even if she moves up, usually she will end up being the guilty party. The problem is not in organizations, the problem is with Pakistan Law Enforcement which is so corrupt no one gets punishment and such people (Male/Female) keep gaining the courage to unleash their dirty brain at people working under them.
Nothing is obscene in that line...
Its great informative article and will be helpful for other females........appreciate you brought it light through writing. I am also NUSTIAN (pnec)
Very courageous of you. I assure you that You have empowered so many women with your spirit.
Any man who does not read this article to the full length may not be knowledgeable, but a man who does not agree with the contents is a full of immoral character.
Everyone who faces harassment should stand-up. Be it men or women, anyone who is subjected to discrimination should not keep quiet. And please be assured that in Pakistan only power is enough to harass employees, does not matter if the Boss/Senior/Supervisor is male or female.
@SK totally agreed, this is one side of picture, in most professions, women get a lot better treatment specially as beginners, they get better opportunities, better annual appraisals, promotions and recognition. They are usually given a softer treatment than men.
Wonderful piece of writing. Should be forward to each male colleague and boss..
If a victim does not fight back, the victimisation by the perpetrator increases, obviously. There is a responsibility on the victim too, to act, not just for herself/himself but for the greater good of society. I have no sympathy at all for victims who do not fight back. Before anyone tells me that it is easier said than done, I would say "this is life, so get real; after all there are shining examples all over the world". Do not simply play the victim.
Lady, it is not good for a women to go to work. This why in my family no women hvae permission to work.
@Syed no one should 'have to deal' with discrimination. You would not be making these bold statements had you ever been discriminated against. The solution to the problem is not for the victims to change their behavior but for the perpetrators to be dealt with firmly.
Men should lower their gazes, women should adorn veil. Islam needs to be practiced in all spheres of life.
@LCs Agree with you if this was an ideal world. Unfortunately it's not. Let's accept the these challenges as just that and move on...
@SK completely wrong in that. There is rampant discrimination in hiring against women. The pay differences is a well known fact and so is the ceiling on professional growth. Some of these are not deliberate but because of either pre-conceived notions or because the workplace evaluations are traditionally biased towards a male behavior. There is a reason that reputed global organizations have recognized these biases and are actively trying to minimize them.
Good one, the women should have filed a complaint against the said person or must have spoken candidly ; what is meaningful and graceful work conduct.
No one in this world is without sister mother and wife. If i haras anyother's sister then i should be ready for its comsequences.
@Sohaib Worth reading for every man!
The best attitude would have been to expose these guys there and then, having said that, there is no guarantee that the innocent female will receive her right of protection.
The problem is justice system, government should set up rules that protects women and set up punishment and fine for predators.
A painful and bitter truth of our society - hypocrisy everywhere under the guise of fake decency and exaggerated religious zealotry
@Syed If you are not speaking against it then you are supporting it! ...saying otherwise does not change the position.
Verbal abuse....and it is abuse...not banter...is accepted by even the ones who claim to revile it as a part of reality in our society. Reality is what you make it...zero tolerance for such behaviour prevents escalation. Colleagues need to support the women on their team and speak against a wrong when it is obvious. Not ask women to avoid seeking attention! Sir you are essentially saying that the women is at fault if a man insists she listens to inappropriate language after she has repeatedly asked him to desist....and that it is avoidable. Your argument comes from either extreme naiveté or wilful hypocrisy.
@Syed
Since this is a challenge most woman face....that does not mean you normalize it..............you fight harder against it. I am no saint but I show utmost respect to ladies at work.
@Syed by that attitude nothing will change, no revolutions would happen, no thought leaders would emerge, no social injustices would fade away. By that attitude you will continue to accept violence, discrimination, racism, harrassment, etc etc. Change happens by ongoing efforts of many many people who raise their voices or take a stand for both small or big issues in their daily lives.
@Malik A please read more on what is considered sexual harassment. If I convey that something makes me uncomfortable or that I don't want to hear it but you still do that, especially when it is no way related to work, then it is sexual harassment. The statement made was no way apt for a professional conversation especially in a formal relationship. I have never had male colleagues use such words , be it my bosses, peers or team members.
@Syed you mean women have to get used to it,right? Because Men will be men, right? That makes sense.
If women will be strong, bold and courageous they can curb such lewd comments from men. It is men nature and it will not change unless a insulting reprimand received from female. I recommend to all women who face such situation do not just avert yourself but payback him with a strong humiliating reply which he will remember in his whole life.
A great article. Men who witness such acts ,even in absence of women, should show courage and disapprove them. @Syed what a stupid comment. These things shouldn't be accepted that's the whole point. We shouldn't 'deal' with them or brush over them. But I guess that's way too much for people like you to understand.
Aah. I've been through similar situations. Many a times. High time we give our bosses a shut up call when and where required. Thank you for writing this. May we have the courage to stand up for ourselves at even the slightest of inappropriate behaviour.
@Zia Jafri No-one, (not men nor women), deserves to be verbally abused in the workplace. Anyone harassing or bullying staff should be reported, regardless of gender.
@Mahmood There is another option, complain and take action to bring about cultural change within the organisation. In other countries, years ago, there were massive, compulsory staff training classes held to make it clear what was / was not acceptable behaviour in the workplace. In the decades that followed, harassment significantly decreased. It didn't happen in 5 minutes, but it has to start somewhere.
@Abubakar Women should not be harassed, NOR given favouritism, treatment should be equal, but even if favouritism is shown, it does not excuse any other inappropriate behaviours.
@Tariq In my family, women do not need anyone's permission to work, other than their own!
I am sure you will get to know on how to deal in such situations by the time and the issue is being over hyped. One should know how to protect themselves, and trust me a real man will never molest a woman.
Rightly highlighted, the issue is very simple, we live in a society where Rule of Law is least respected.
If you are too scared to report your hurt feelings, may be workplace isn't something for you? May be you belong to a safe home environment?
People have to accept the following facts in order to stop these untoward happenings at the workplace, 1. A workplace is for work and getting paid for your work and not a place to have sexual liaisons or find a future spouse.. or to entertain those around you with your antics. 2. Men should accept the biological fact that women are not as eager to have sex or romance as they are. 3. Behave yourself, treat you female colleagues as you want your sisters and daughters to be treated if they are in the workforce
Sorry to say but that's a one sided story, this is our problem we start judging without having in depth knowledge. However I totally agree that harassment should be reported either its female or male. But we always came up with a pre decided mind that MEN are wrong and WOMEN are right. Being literal WOMEN are more trusted in our society that they are saying the truth. However sometimes its not true.
A good food for thought. Bravo!
I admire your courage but feel sad about your and others social circumstances.I think to highlight these issues by responding to the doer as well as raising social awareness is sadly the only possible solution.
It's a good thing he was late for Zuhar, otherwise such trash talk would have continued till Asar, and then till Maghrib. Why even bother praying when you're doing such 'naik kaam' throughout the day? :S
Very true. It actually benefits the perpetrator as well to tell them off as probably nobody has ever done so so they have no reason to be different. While it's women's right to a safe and comfortable workplace, is it our responsibility to change the men's conduct? Better to just limit exposure in some cases, except of course when we absolutely can't help having a confrontation and inevitably release our rage at being quiet too long. Some men are dangerous but in this case, setting boundaries is necessary. I think that is something that takes practice.
@Tariq I think there is no professional / technical education in ur family
The irony is all such people with ill intentions within our society keep a religious cover.
Its good message to all men who are not respecting women.
Respect for your courage and self respect.
With the increase in the number of educated people, sexual harassment should decline. Increase in literacy rate is meaningless. There should be strict work place ethic and it should be implemented. If such harassment takes place, there should be straightaway termination.
Thanks for such a bold piece of writing .My view: Until you give disapproval, it will be considered as accepted by the men who do such cheap acts of arousing themselves. Pay raise are not as important as the integrity
@Sohaib Excuse me, a woman is not merely a daughter or a sister or a mother. Because what if you don't have a daughter or a sister? Won't you respect then? Women are human beings just like men, so they should be respected regardless without attaching any labels.
Very courageous, thoughtful and highlighting the double standards of society. I only want to add one thing that there are lot of incidents were a male is also a victim of gender discrimination. All of us have seen the other side of picture where a female either a student or a coworker takes advantage of its gender but nobody talks about that. I am waiting for a unbiased article on gender discrimination, highlighting the problems faced by both genders.
I am man, will add that your story is not different that many other females that faces these things in daily life everyday..... of course man is man and women is prey ... whether it's east or west it's happening everywhere .... however females have also evolved a lot and slipping into wolves claws ... But don't forget before criticizing men that, if someone has to help women it's also men, no one else will come for you ...
The issue is not new and many such events are occurring at work places but solution is we should educate girls at school,college and university level and enable them to handle such things confidently rather would say bluntly and never compromise on such things regardless what grade is given in appraisals or promotion is delayed. It is also true that without consent no man can dare to do such things but if one is habitual he should be stopped in first attempt. The article is well written and appreciable.
that happens in the west too, but they are more proactive in addressing it. Females are encouraged to report it as soon as possible to be dealt with.
@asif... There's always a "but" isn't there Asif? How many men do you know have been sexually harassed by women in their workplace?
@Zia Jafri.... Are we really discussing verbal abuse here. Is that what you think the article is about?
@Ahmed.. Please expand on your brief comment Ahmed sb. Who don't you agree with?
@Sajid sajjad abbasi... Indeed not Abbasi sb. Indeed not. If a man is showing it to another man, or a woman to another woman or even a man to his wife or sister.... But a male boss to a female employee... And that too uttering it aloud to her? That simply is not on by any sense of decency.
so it means that things needs to be changed from the beginning. In children's grooming fear should not be allowed to be a part of their personalities and parents and the elders must believe in the openly and frankly conversations with the children .Things can get better that way
I hope the boss in question reads this article and feels some shame, and at the same time learn that it's always advisable to exercise restraint while doing the 'loose talking' in front of women, esp. in professional context.
There should be a commission headed by a woman to probe such sexual harassment cases ! This is a cultural disease and show ignorance and mental sickness !
@Haider ... Or for that matter any education at all with that sort of attitude and upbringing. Sad that.
A concocted story. A planned media campaign distorting the facts and to gain attention.
@Malik A there is enough sexual innuendo there for it be sexual harassment. You are behaving arrogantly in judging her opinion of Manto in this context, and it is silly and frivolous to say 'if he could discuss it with his mother or sister..." the standards for the workplace and interpersonal relations at work are different from your home and family. The boundaries at work are narrower and more rigid than anywhere else, that's what is called 'professional'.
@Faizan, are you saying, only fake men molest?