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It's that time again — the time to go suddenly holy and appear on special TV shows to preach piety to the believers and also have some fun doing it.
As you know many of us still spell it as Ramzan. Some spell it Ramazan. Both are incorrect. Though Ramadan is the right spelling, what is even righter is Ram'ahdhaa'nh.
So remember this, fellow holies. It is very important that we spell it correctly. Ram'ahdhaa'nh, okay? Bless you.
However, Dot sahib won't sell it to ladies who drive. For them, he is designing airbags which blow up the moment a woman sits on the driving seat. Cute, no? For just 25,000. Bless him.
Alama Amir Liaqat, one of the greatest living religious scholars, called me to his Ram'ahdhaa'nh show. Not only is the man a genius scholar, he is also extremely brave, unlike me.
However, the parents of the children eaten by the snakes were sent home happy with an extra Meezan Cooking Oil gift hamper. Bless them.
It was agreed that the resultant burps signify the healing of the soul. Not surprisingly, Sprite was sponsoring this segment of the show. Bless them. Burp. Ahhh ... that sounded so soulful. Now, let's hear it from you.
Also read: Did you know? Aamir Liaquat is set to be a movie star
Now this was what I was waiting for all year long. A Ram'ahdhaa'nh slot with the intellectual giant, spiritual eagle and supreme patriot, Hamza A. Tulsi.
By the way, Hamza says by next year, God willing, Ram'ahdhaa'nh will become Ra'mmahd'hhaanhh. What a master. ♫♪ Mein Tulsi, Hamza kay angan ki ... ♫♪
It was a unique moment because she rediscovered faith right there in front of the camera. And what's more, as she did that, I miraculously shrunk and became a holy baby whom she adopted to the thunderous applause of the audience.
However, after the show she donated me to the Edhi Welfare Trust.
Disclaimer: This article is categorised as satire.
Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com. He is also the author of two books on the social history of Pakistan, End of the Past and The Pakistan Anti-Hero.
He tweets @NadeemfParacha
The views expressed by this writer and commenters below do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.
Comments (130) Closed
I hope Dr. Hoodbuoy takes this joke lightly in the spirit of Rama'dha'aan :p
Janaat Dot lol
making people fool these so called personalities. i wonder who follow them.
"It was a unique moment because she rediscovered faith right there in front of the camera."
That sums up the crux of the issue.
dair aye, durust aye..
gold as usual, NFP !!!
Bless you! hahahahahha
Pervaz Hoodbhoy: Member of Jamat-i-Islami. Sounds good
hilarious as ever!!!
Hahaha sarcasm at its peak!! Absolutely loved it!
However, afterwards she donated me to Edhi Welfare Trust.....hahahahaha NFP genuis.
Bless me too.
What is the correct name of the book from Nadeem F. Paracha, is it 'End of the Fast' OR 'End of the Past', both names are used in the above article.
hahahaha
HAHAHA just what the doctor ordered
Waseem Almondi...LOL!
All are wrong numbers to the core!
A great article to show hypocrisy in our society in a very light and enlightened manner. Bravo sir!
haha awesome. you always throw hilarious piece
It is not how do you spell "Ramazan" or "Ramadan" makes any difference, itis important how much a person know about Islam and his genuineness. These people are among those 95% of muslims who can read Quranic Arabic but do not know the meanings. They can tell by reading Urdu or English translation which they have remembered in a rote fashion that they know much about our religion. And that is the crux of the problem in Pakistan. Just by growing beards, wearing shalwar and changing talking demeanors doesnt make a person Islamic scholar. What you call a person who treat physical ailments of people, a doctor or a quack?
Majority of our people know Islam via these people and then we have Pakistanies or afghan Taliban. It is a fashion in westren countries actors or singers turn religious personalites. No one in Pakistan question their religious authority. These guys should stay in their fields and let the genuine people do the Islamic preachings. Sincerely
Beautifully presented ...
great article sir
Absolutely love this! HAhaha...
Thank you for doing this NFP.
These Shows are in real terms enterprises selling religion in Month (season) called Ramadan just like others selling merchandise or services like Summer Offer or Winter collection.
Now this was what I was waiting for all year long. A Ram'ahdhaa'nh slot with the intellectual giant, spiritual eagle and supreme patriot, Hamza A. Tulsi.
Nailed it!
hilarious composition
@tj the distraught middle class of Pak mostly, who have only started seeing toasters, microwaves and the likes in the last decade....pity!
ha ha ha ,absolutely right
That's why I am no watching these Transmission this Ramadan. I have banned TV watching at my home. Even encouraged friends and family not to watch foolish TV shows.
There was a time when Junaid Jamshed was Junaid Jamshed. I don't know why do I always find a glimpse of Mr. Maulana Tariq Jameel in him now.
Dr Hoodbhoy was reported to have fainted after reading the last one.
We want ramdhaan show by NFP.
The bit with veena malik is the best!
Fantastic! NFP should write a satire TV drama, something like 50/50 or however he thinks best ...
Good one. A very Good one!!! You nailed the issue right in the Head.
Bravo Zulu
good one
NFP great as always
you are superb in satire NFP!!!!!!
The most tragic thing in this column is the last line which is the disclaimer. If in a society, people have to explicitly tell that they were joking, God help that set of people.
Almondi!!! how did u coin it.. Amazing piece...
The disclaimer was the funniest part...lol. Articles like this keep the hopes alive of patriotic and traditional pakistanis. NFP, you are doing a great service to your generation by preserving the core of our traditional righteousness
Nadeem F. Paracha your writing is funny witty , intelligent, you are boss of sarcasm .
Nadeem should work more on his photoshop skills.
Nadeem bhai Bohat Aalaa
Could have been better.
Awesome! But was too light on Amir Liaquat, he deserved more coverage :)
hahaha what an ethereal reading, bless you.
Thank you for doing that NFP.
although i find many articles by NFP very objectable but this one was spot on. it seemed that thsi guy read my mind while writing this article.
"It was agreed that the resultant burps signify the healing of the soul. Not surprisingly, Sprite was sponsoring this segment of the show. Bless them. Burp. Ahhh ... that sounded so soulful." EPIC
Hahahaaaaahaha on point!!
@Nadeem F Paracha. You made my day.
I showed to an Irish friend and he laughed like a kid, mind you I have filled him with all the necessary details and the background. Then we watched John Oliver's Last week tonight on the charlatans er... I mean TV-evangelists. Very related. Thanx NFP, tulsi great ho er... I mean you are great.
"While he played with snakes and children (often confusing the two), sums it up.
NFP, any which way to be in Veena's fold???
As always, NFB sahib you nailed it.
Right on spot. But the problem is that people still watch it, these shows would never have been on air every ramazan if people didn't watch them.
Almondi and Jannat Dot.. Lol
This trend of "celebrity spiritual awakening" is worth attending to in pakistani media, when it has got nothing to do with spirituality in most of the cases.
hahaha... hilarious
I want a movie where Amir liaqat is a hero and shaikh rasheed is his elder brother...the dialogs must be written by sh rasheed
LoL, Waseem Almondi!!! :P Spot on
Great article
@Faizan problem is that people don't have any other choice to watch. No innovation, no creativity in programs, selling same stuff again and again.
like always you never disappoint from your writings.....
Wow.. you again.. NFP.. You rock.. bravo!
NP great presentation.
NFP is a gem.
I relish reading your articles, but this one is exceptional. Finding spirituality in front of cameras midst of religious-cum-capitalist clerics could not provide any answer to our souls . It is time we stopped watching these shows where greed and capitalism trump spirituality and simplicity that were the core norms of Ramadan - it is up to you to spell it how you like to spell ,rejecting the language restrictions present in Muslim world .
Man, Nadeem sahab, you are a genius when it comes to Humour
i eagerly look forward to your articles and reading
Happy Ram'dha'aan and Ramzan Mubarak,
The greatest thing about NFP's write is how delivers the punch line without ever crossing the line. We all know how even an innocuously spoken word can lend us in hot waters in Pakistan. God bless this guy.
All religions have been commercialised and there is no escape from the greediness.
You are a genius.
That was great and awesome as usual. I laughed. Stay blessed.
Nicely written....sums up a lot of so called clerics in a few sentences
Perfect!! This made my "RODHAAA" fly... Thank you NFB (there is no P in Arabic either)....;)
air bags tat blow up for ladies that's hilarious, keep up the good work we need to expose these so called evangelists...
haha@Waseem Almondi
Celebrities selling Religion like a Product. And brand ambassadors of different religious sects are on silent mode because it's not in their job description to highlight wrong things happening unless it's effect their product sales.
Nadeem Paracha! From now onwards I am your fan and I am eager to find your book, End of the past. Bless you :-)
omg superb piece....wasim ALMONDI hehehe
Religion in Pakistan is a great commodity to cash in.
Mind blowing article.Hypocracy has creeped miles and miles in our society and we are on the wrong track of the civilian society.
@SR Khan
"That sums up the crux of the issue."
What issue?
@Ahsan Gul ; What happened ? Is the heat melting your grey matter? This guy is a sarcastic writer. Chill out, he is trying to lighten up your blistering Roza and you are lecturing him on morality.
Felt much contended after reading this article the glimpses of these commercial shows relating them to this auspicious month of Ramadhaan is way too irritating keep it up NFP
Aala...
We have entered in age where TV persons are master of democracy, health and now of our religion. TV persons include actors and journalist etc. They call themselves as trend setters but are demolishing the image of ISLAM. NOW these MADAREES will tell us what Islam is where as non of there commitments is in line with it. Aamir Liaqat leading the the team of disgracers
Love that photoshop was done as a quick 'n dirty job. Adds character to the article - so called "mullahs" being decimated by NFP.
Thanks God, he is writing short & crisp articles.
hilarious as always, great work
@Ahsan Gul that is the point he is trying to make most people in the west do not have any use for televangelists either, apparently you are unable to read anything the proper way. One should be able to read religious text in whatever language one feels comfortable with
Hahaha. Mr NFP great analyses, but I assure you, you still may have to reach out to some more "Alamas", sorry the correct word is "DJ'lamas" as well, who are also doing their best to help people to achieve the highest level of acquisitive spiritual awakening you could have ever imagined in "Ram'ahdhaa'nh"
Absolutely hilarious! Well written indeed!
@Arslan , yes especially after the demise of Mr. Moin Akhtar and the ageing of Mr. Anwar Maqsood and Ms. Bushra Ansari, there is a huge gap that needs to be filled.
Nice article sir☺️
It is satire for sure, but horrifying truthful satire. The unfortunate reality for us is that the religious scholars are not prepared to or avoid coming on media, which leaves behind a vacuum for the non religious folks to take their places. BTW, even if the scholars came on media, they would not get any audience. Thus, we are left with celebrities to teach us religion and earn the shows higher ratings- ending up on bucks- What a pity.
NFP nailed it, Seriously! :-p
on the dot :)
too good......
hahahahahahahaha you're the man!! loved this.
May Allah bless u.. Its so relieving to read ones own thought process in the words of someone genius,like u..
Your article lifted my spirits but a more sacrilegious and flagrant lack of Ramzan I gave not witnessed.What ever happened to Pemra's Laws to keep our televangelists in place and keep a modicum of decorum in TV shows. Shows how we have degenerated ad a society
This is a simple case of demand and supply as people love these programes
@Fayaz Mangi "Pervaz Hoodbhoy: Member of Jamat-i-Islami. Sounds good" it would have been more hilarious had Hoodbhoy joined JUI (F)
NFP ! it is pure economics "her jeez bikti hai"
who says Pakistanis are bored people ????
H aha ha Excellent ,made my day !
Lots of laughs.
LMAO... Badami= Almondi :D. ahahahahaa..
You made my Ram'ahdhaa'nh so soulful. Burp! Bless me.
Very correct
these people have made Ramadan an entertainment show what a sad state of affairs no one asking media if they have mandate to turn Ramadan into a circus, if state does it same media cries about taking liberties away but isnt media doing the same thing by imposing these performers upon us and saying we have a right to choose between Inaam Ghar and Jeeto Pakistan when both are selling the same thing
hamzas ramadan show is nothing less than comedy.
Excellent! Made my day...can't stop laughing :-)
hahaha Nadeem dude, awesome satire. that last picture though.
True depiction of our hypocrite society.. Lol. Hilarious as well as thought provoking
Brilliant. After reading so many articles by you, I don't need to even see your name on top of the article. Every sentence in your articles is embedded with your signature. Just like you blessed all those anchors in your article, I bless you too for writing such wonderful articles.
Well done Nadeem Sahib! Kudos for such an apt article. You nailed it!
A real good article.
Lovely article...love you sir g
Great as usual
Excellent article!
Hahahahaha very nice sir g.....
Loved it!!
We are a confused nation on many levels. Ideological, religious, ethnic etc. We have a huge identity crisis that is why we are so hypocritical, cynical, sarcastic and negative. And yes I am confused too.
I want that handbag ! 200,000 INR or 150,000 PKR for it !
:-) as always.
Super intelligent!!!!!!!
Commendable since ever, single column by Nadeem F.Paracha is a complete package of criticism and fun in an interesting and sensible way!!!!!!!!!