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Suddenly holy — A Pakistani celebrity's spiritual awakening

Updated June 16, 2016

It's that time again — the time to go suddenly holy and appear on special TV shows to preach piety to the believers and also have some fun doing it.

Honoured to be with two of my favourite holies, Wasim Almondi and J Dot. I was invited by them to discuss the all-important issue of correctly spelling the month of fasting.
Honoured to be with two of my favourite holies, Wasim Almondi and J Dot. I was invited by them to discuss the all-important issue of correctly spelling the month of fasting.

As you know many of us still spell it as Ramzan. Some spell it Ramazan. Both are incorrect. Though Ramadan is the right spelling, what is even righter is Ram'ahdhaa'nh.

So remember this, fellow holies. It is very important that we spell it correctly. Ram'ahdhaa'nh, okay? Bless you.

Here I am on the show watching in awe as J Dot sahib tells the audience about the spiritual benefits of a ladies handbag designed by his label, Jannat Dot. For just Rs. 80,000! Special Ram'ahdhaa'nh offer.
Here I am on the show watching in awe as J Dot sahib tells the audience about the spiritual benefits of a ladies handbag designed by his label, Jannat Dot. For just Rs. 80,000! Special Ram'ahdhaa'nh offer.

However, Dot sahib won't sell it to ladies who drive. For them, he is designing airbags which blow up the moment a woman sits on the driving seat. Cute, no? For just 25,000. Bless him.

Alama Amir Liaqat, one of the greatest living religious scholars, called me to his Ram'ahdhaa'nh show. Not only is the man a genius scholar, he is also extremely brave, unlike me.

While he played with snakes and children (often confusing the two), I hid behind a tree. I think my faith is not as strong as his or even of the children; even though I believe the snakes eventually ate at least two of the kids.
While he played with snakes and children (often confusing the two), I hid behind a tree. I think my faith is not as strong as his or even of the children; even though I believe the snakes eventually ate at least two of the kids.

However, the parents of the children eaten by the snakes were sent home happy with an extra Meezan Cooking Oil gift hamper. Bless them.

At another great Ram'ahdhaa'nh show. Unfortunately, I have forgotten what this show was called but it had three women and a cleric talking about the benefits of having milk with a dash of Sprite.
At another great Ram'ahdhaa'nh show. Unfortunately, I have forgotten what this show was called but it had three women and a cleric talking about the benefits of having milk with a dash of Sprite.

It was agreed that the resultant burps signify the healing of the soul. Not surprisingly, Sprite was sponsoring this segment of the show. Bless them. Burp. Ahhh ... that sounded so soulful. Now, let's hear it from you.

Also read: Did you know? Aamir Liaquat is set to be a movie star

Now this was what I was waiting for all year long. A Ram'ahdhaa'nh slot with the intellectual giant, spiritual eagle and supreme patriot, Hamza A. Tulsi.

There was a mad rush to get a slot with the maestro, but I managed to get one by transforming into a soul sister of his. Watch us this Ram'ahdhaa'nh talking about everything under the sun (and on Facebook).
There was a mad rush to get a slot with the maestro, but I managed to get one by transforming into a soul sister of his. Watch us this Ram'ahdhaa'nh talking about everything under the sun (and on Facebook).

By the way, Hamza says by next year, God willing, Ram'ahdhaa'nh will become Ra'mmahd'hhaanhh. What a master. ♫♪ Mein Tulsi, Hamza kay angan ki ... ♫♪

Another amazing moment. With the mighty Veena Malik soon after she (suddenly) rediscovered piety and landed her very own Ra'mmahd'hhaanhh show.
Another amazing moment. With the mighty Veena Malik soon after she (suddenly) rediscovered piety and landed her very own Ra'mmahd'hhaanhh show.

It was a unique moment because she rediscovered faith right there in front of the camera. And what's more, as she did that, I miraculously shrunk and became a holy baby whom she adopted to the thunderous applause of the audience.

However, after the show she donated me to the Edhi Welfare Trust.

With scholar and senior member of the Jamat-i-Islami, Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy, during the launch of my debut book, 'End of the Fast'. Bless me.
With scholar and senior member of the Jamat-i-Islami, Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy, during the launch of my debut book, 'End of the Fast'. Bless me.

Disclaimer: This article is categorised as satire.