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Heart gets garden, garden, law gets harden, harden

Published Jun 20, 2012 04:47pm


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The Azad Insaf Kitchen finally gathered enough meat (and masala) to prepare another headline-grabbing broth for people starving for justice. The broth (called Zardari di nihari) was then served to media personnel, opposition politicians, lawyers and other such common, poor folks.

After the report of the Memogate Commision concluded that Pakistani-American Mansoor Ijaz was right in his allegations against Husain Haqqani, Ijaz’s lawyer tries to convince the lawyers community that Ijaz should be rewarded for exhibiting his love for Pakistan military, judiciary, faith, media, ISI, PIA, KESC and grouchy looking lawyers.

To solve the energy crisis in Punjab, Chief Minster Shahbaz Sharif, uncannily managed to generate electricity through angry rhetoric and assorted hogwash. He then filed a petition in the Supreme Court requesting that in the next elections his volts instead of votes should be counted.

At an independent valima reception of the independent judiciary.

After hearing that fruit vendors had raised the price of mangoes, the Justice Group send in their fiercest super-heroine: Suo Moto!

Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and

The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.


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Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and He is also the author of two books on the social history of Pakistan, End of the Past and The Pakistan Anti-Hero.

He tweets @NadeemfParacha

The views expressed by this writer and commenters below do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

Comments (38) Closed

Anayat Ullah Baloch Jun 20, 2012 11:54am
Nadeem F. Jiyala.... :D
Irfan Baloch Jun 20, 2012 07:21pm
Wwwwwhhaaaattt a former Marxist. Suo Motto Chief Sahab.
Karachi Wala Jun 20, 2012 05:50pm
NFP is like Tarek Fatah, a Pakistan origin; Toronto Canada based activist and writer. He has soft spot for almost everyone but Mullah, Military, privileged Urdu speaking class, Punjab and Punjabis. Yet, he claims that he is a Punjabi from his mother and father side both. Unlike NFP, whose mother is an Urdu speaking and father was a Punjabi. Are these two rebels with or without a cause?
shaukat ali chughtai Jun 23, 2012 05:15pm
NFP is liberal and believes in dignity of human beings.
Balwanjee Jun 21, 2012 04:27pm
Our so called progressive elements have no courage to speak for their like-minded thinkers and minorities boldly.
Pradeep Jun 20, 2012 01:16pm
Dear Independent Judiciary, Please take Suo Moto action against NFP. From, A Genuine Pakistani. Just a Gag. Love you NFP…….
Naseema Perveen Jun 21, 2012 01:27pm
a very beautiful write up again...u make every thing very interesting :)
faraz Jun 20, 2012 12:40pm
What was this?
Sultan Khan Jun 20, 2012 12:04pm
Law is not what is written in the books but what Iftikhar says. Like others I also think that Zardari is involved in corruption in the same way as Iftikhar's son but unfortunately it has been very clearly stated in the Constitution that President is immune from any sort of legal proceedings till he is President. Moreover, it would be very difficult for Iftikhar to save his face by taking action against Musharraf because again it has been very clearly stated in the Constitution of Pakistan that not only the one who abrogates the constitution but the abettor also is guilty of high treason and every body knows that Iftikhar took oath twice not under the constitution but under the law of Musharraf and also allowed him to amend the constitution, an honour never bestowed upon any of the judges of Pakistsan.
Anony Jun 20, 2012 08:10pm
Can we try and not figure out which particular grouping NFP has a soft spot for? I am not a Pakistani, and yet, from what I have read, NFP is a satirist who takes aim at everyone. I have found him to be fair and satirical against all :)
Greens Jun 20, 2012 12:17pm
Nadeem F. Paracha made mockery of everything except the disaster made by PPP's Govt to this nation.
Sohaib YAHIA Jun 20, 2012 11:20am
Simply superb! Bravo NFP
Syed Ali Aamer. Jun 20, 2012 07:10pm
Yes NFP is a Punjabi from his father's side and a Mohajir from his mother's side, but also unlike Mr. Fathe, NFP has a very soft spot for MQM, apart from, of course the PPP. But let me also tell you something. I am a Sindhi who studiy's at a college in Mirpurkhas. NFP is extremely popular among young Sindhi nationalists as well. But to me, NFP is an enigma. And that is what makes him so fascinating. A former Marxist, a student leader who struggled against Zia dictatorship, then a fiery journalist, and now a pro-West liberal with a soft spot for PPP, MQM and as Shahid rightly mentions, for Sindhi nationalism as well.
sam Jun 23, 2012 12:05pm
NFP, Real i love you satirical writings, at least there is some one who could be red,
Devendra Jun 20, 2012 03:21pm
An extremely creative mind you have, NFP. Keep it up.
Karachi Wala Jun 20, 2012 04:35pm
Where was the Suo Moto when Salman Taaseer was murdered? Where was Suo Moto when Shehbaz Bhatti was murdered? Where was the Suo Moto when Qadri was pounding his chest? And finally, where was the Suo Moto when “lawyers (liar) Brigade” was threatening any lawyer who would take up a case against Qadri?
Jahanzeb Jun 20, 2012 06:12am
Seems like judiciary is making fun of "Suo-moto" notices. Elected people are always hanged and disqualified, where as dictators like Musharraf are enjoying their most luxurious life abroad. Anxiously waiting for the decision against ISI for distributing money among the politicians.
MSahandar Jun 20, 2012 06:12am
LOL!! So that's what Suo Moto looks like. :) You're one crazy lad, NFP. Always a pleasure to read you. Love your style.
dr sabih Jun 20, 2012 07:41am
jahanzeb ,, please mark my word that , the decision by ISI to topple civil government , would be put forward as misuse of power . in strict decision . they would be only ctricised , becasue their was no personality involved and GHulam ishaq khan could be nominated . who is DEAD now .
y.j Jun 20, 2012 06:40am
SARDAR JEE OF ISLAMABAD........S.C would really have to STIR hard COZ the spices are taking long time to display-out their colors........HUNNNNNNNN!
Haider Jun 20, 2012 06:52am
LoL @ the Suo Moto bit. I wonder why all the jokes are at the expense of parties opposing the ppp and its abhorrent governance? Why no criticisim of Zardari led PPP, ever? hmmm...... I would laugh harder if there was some semblance of balance in author's 'jokes'.
Abbas Jun 20, 2012 07:03am
Great one..again..
raja Jun 20, 2012 07:04am
maybe NFP sahib needs to add one or two pics of the ruling coalition also. A class writer like him should be able to look at both sides of the picture. or is it difficult???? hmmmmm not so easy i guess!!!!!
zeeshan Jun 20, 2012 07:27am
There is no point to criticized SC and CJ. The SC has done every thing right so far. The ppp govt has totally failed. Load shedding of more than 18 hours a day is a gift from this corrupt regime. Price hike is sky high. Being a journalist one should bring true picture before his or her readers. But, in Pakistan unfortunately journalists are usually biased. People like Irfan Saddique, Ata Ul Haq Qasami etc are in favor of PML-N. Haroon Rasheed is a preacher of PTI. people rightly call him 'Mahir e Imraaniaat'. Nadeem F Paracha is exception he is a die heart jiyala of ppp. that why he always make fun of every person, every department who is against his beloved party.
Syed Adeel Ahmed Jun 20, 2012 07:32am
Great depiction! Indeed, that's exactly what the biased supreme court really, really deserves!
dr sabih Jun 20, 2012 07:36am
SAME HERE .... He is is my the favourite critic . every sunday i buy Dawn news paper, only to read his articles . Great writing and sketch the situation with another view ,
zeeshan Jun 20, 2012 07:42am
please read last two sentences as 'Nadeem F Paracha is no exception. He is a die heart jiyala of ppp. that why he always makes fun of every person, every department who is against his beloved party.'
Ali Jun 20, 2012 09:02am
you are right. Remember, he is PPP Jiala
Ammar Jun 20, 2012 09:16am
NFP is absolutely correct in his thinking. If you, Ansar Abbasi, Haroon Rashid, Kaka Kami etc. can have their partisan opinion then what do you expect from NFP. Do you still talk about justice? You better think again!
PakJam Jun 20, 2012 09:22am
you don't need to 'buy' Dawn. Just read from the website for free... Ohhh sorry you can't... due to lead shedding... Well I am a regular for NFP articles from UK!!
Shahid Jun 20, 2012 09:57am
On so many occasions I've Heard people say NFP is a staunch PPP supporter, while many say he is an MQM man, and there are also those who suggest that he is huge fan of Sindhi, Pushtoon and Baloch nationalists. I don't know much, but to people like me he comes across as a liberal Pakistani Muslim who has a great talent for writing sharp satire as well as some insightful analytical pieces. He's the kind of Pakistani I like to talk about to all my non-Pakistani friends abroad who think Pakistan's just about mad violence and narrow-mindedness.
Ajaya K Dutt Jun 21, 2012 03:19am
Omer Jun 21, 2012 05:26am
NFP is an iconoclast at best. He desecrates just about everything except for his own fantasy filled world of what Pakistan should be like, constructive criticism is a concept alien to him. I haven’t read a single article of his where he has supported his arguments with rationality and logic, like a typical melodramatic PPP jiyala, he indirectly and at times very blatantly rants about how ‘mazloom’ and ‘masoom’ the puritanical leadership of PPP is. There are good people in every sphere of life in this country, while criticism (bordering on ‘maligning’) should be encouraged, as a writer it is your solemn duty to inspire the young generation by writing about the champions fighting against a dysfunctional system. Instead of joking your way, please, for once, try and look at things with a mature perspective. It might help. And try not to squabble about PPP so much, subtle innuendos should be subtle, your articles reek of biasness.
Irfan Jun 21, 2012 06:02am
The voltage slogan " His volts instead of votes should be counted. " great work NFP . Suo Moto is due
Abdullah Jun 21, 2012 06:21am
A usual Pro-PPP, anti PML-N / judiciary NFP post
ali Jun 22, 2012 02:03am
Mr Piracha loves PP as he believes in not performing, corruption, waderaism ,non development. lawlessness and load shedding., a complete jiala.
Sadruddin Mitha Jun 23, 2012 01:43am
No one , not even President should be above the law, after all he is a human and bound to err. what is so special about him that he can get away with murders, and criminal offences ? this is a serious matter and we need to ponder over it. does it mean our Constitution provides clemency to criminal offenders simply because he is holding an office of Govt ? what a silly idea.are we encouraging criminals among st our fold so that they can buy mansions in France and villas in Dubai and Ranch in Texas and live a lavish life ? at whose cost ?Semi literate people are ruling Pakistan and have made a mess of it. Yet there is no way out thata 180 million suffering rot can have a simple meal. I advise people whom I know, take 2 glasses of water before each mean (if u have access to water ) it will detoxify your body, reduce weight, will get rid of joint pains, will look smart, and more agile and will cut down your expenses to half. you will be more attractive to opposite gender and will need little space to accommodate yourself in public transport. many have followed this novel idea and have trimmed down and have become mentally more alert and can catch a thief if need be as they can run faster and chase criminals sitting in guarded palaces. I hope this message get through it will help us export our wheat, rice, sugar, and politicians. there should be a tax on people who are over weight as they consume more then they are entitled to.
Naraz Jul 19, 2012 02:32am
Where was the govt when Salman Taaseer was murdered? Where was the govt when Shahbaz was murdered? Where was the govt when Qadri was pounding his chest? Where was Karachi wala when 30 lawyers were being burnt alive? Get your facts straight it is not the job of the SC to govern. But when your brilliant drconian leader fails to do so then the SC is forced to protect those who are being mulled by the hyena who sits in the presidency!