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When love was an act of defiance and defiance an act of love

Updated May 16, 2012 07:14am


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Alif Laial Tavern, Virginia: Our grandmothers warned us to keep our doors and windows shut tight on hot summer days. The ghouls and jinn run loose in the oppressive heat. They may have been right. Maybe it was on one of those days when the ghouls snuck into our homes, making us restless for the remainder of our lives.


But there is a certain charm in gazing out the window on a very hot day. For miles, you see nothing except mirages shimmering in the sun. Layers of heat rise from the ground, swirling into mysterious shapes like those of ghosts and spirits long forgotten. They dance with a serious silence as if performing a sacred ritual.

I often felt that if I stretched my hand it would grow and grow until it reached the lonely banyan tree standing guard in the middle among the mirages. I wanted to catch its hanging roots without leaving my room and give them a violent shake, waking the bats hiding in its branches and watching them flit around.

They hung upside down in the heat, waiting for the night when they would assume a thousand new shapes and fly on mysterious missions doing chores for some invisible power.

The tree was big and old. Although it offered plenty of shade, children never played under it. They were afraid of the bats. And of course of the spirits that lived under it but could not be seen. The tree was so old that even the oldest grandmother in the neighborhood said it was big and old when she was a child.

I imagined people reclining in its shade, like the old shepherd we sometimes saw sleeping under the spreading branches of a nearby tree.

All I had to do was close my eyes and I could see princes of old legends meeting village damsels under that tree. Our storytellers and poets never tire of talking about these lovers.

But their stories always have sad endings. They end with the king finding out about his son's romantic pursuits and calling him back, banishing the poor girl to a strange land.

Sometimes she is buried in the sand while chasing mirages, and sometimes she is put to sword on the king's order. More courageous girls drown while trying to cross the river to meet their lovers. Such stories never have happy endings.

But people still fall in love, even if few ever succeed in fulfilling their dreams. Our society still frowns at lovers. It is the forever tale of star-crossed lovers — Romeo and Juliet, Sharks and Jets — as in West Side Story, caste-bound yet defiant in their love of love that spills over to the romance of idealism.

In a society where people are always watching, it is difficult to meet a complete stranger, so most of the affairs start and end in the neighborhood. The lucky few who go away to colleges and universities can meet there. At least that’s how it was when we were growing up.

Since the chances are few and the time spent together is limited, in most cases it is love at first sight. Once the arrow has struck, the next question that confronts all lovers is where to meet. If the girl is a neighbor, such meetings always take place on the rooftop, the boy's or the girl's. Sometimes a cooperative neighbor, usually one of the girl's close friends, helps the lovers.

Summer afternoons are ideal for such meetings. When everybody is tired and hiding from the sun, the lovers climb their roofs and seek comfort in each other.

In love poems, the sun burns the beloved's feet, referred to as soft rose petals. The lover then kisses each and every blister to soothe the pain.

Such meetings are short. A kiss and an embrace, a few soothing words and the girl has to go. Her relatives are wary, particularly during long summer afternoons when it is easy to slip out while everybody else is sleeping. But lovers always find a way.

But these rooftop meetings are usually inconclusive and leave a hunger for more.

And that's where love letters help. These are no brief notes. These are long love letters full of passions. They speak of the pain of loneliness, the sweet and sour desires of the youth, longing for the next meeting and the fear of separation, which many lovers already know could be their fate. A small mistake and everything could be doomed. As soon as the girl's parents find out, they start looking for a suitable match. The man she loves is seldom considered suitable.

But in a repressive society, love is also an act of defiance. We were in our teens when Gen. Zia ul Huq imposed martial law in 1978.

One of the most absurd things his government did was to ban young couples, except those married, from meeting in public. Policemen would chase young couples, demanding to see their marriage contracts. They would threaten to haul an unmarried couple to their parents, knowing that most girls would balk at the idea. Thus they blackmailed them, demanding money and jewelry for releasing them. Some policemen even raped the girls found sitting a bit too close to their boyfriends.

We were young and romantic. We deserved better. We wanted to do so much. We wanted to explore the world. Read literature. Write poetry and have fun. We were growing up.

We still are.

We looked at these restrictions as a personal challenge. We often visited such places and tried to help young couples fight the police.

Some of us who worked for newspapers wrote passionate stories, urging the government to stop this madness.

Some of us joined groups working to topple the government. Love was an act of defiance for us, so defiance became an act of love. We loved to defy the restrictions we thought were crazy.

When not protesting the government's madness, we would visit our friends in jail. One had a girlfriend, so we had to smuggle their love letters back and forth.

Most of us were involved in romance in those days. Some of these relationships ended in marriages. Many did not. But they all seemed to be the most important thing in the world. We made pledges to be with each other and struggle together. We wanted to change the world. But the world was changing us, even if we did not realise it.

We loved romantic, revolutionary poems. They gave us the strength to dream of a society with no repression. We were like children running after butterflies. We wanted to catch them; not realising that the moment we catch up with our dreams, their color and glow will be lost.

But for us the color and the glow never faded, not for what seemed a very long time. The wind spoke to us, the sun rose for us and the spring came for us. All this gave us an emotional high. We had full confidence we could shape our future. We were in love with romance, and we were defiant.

Since the Zia government had banned alcohol — flogging those found drinking — some of us took to drinking, also as an act of defiance.

Many drank to annoy the authorities. Police arrested drinkers, imprisoned and even flogged them, but the people never relented.

One senior journalist I knew drank alcohol only at diplomatic functions where Zia would be. As soon as he saw the general, he would put alcohol in a glass and walk up to him, showing off his drink. He was arrested twice but never changed his habit. A famous cartoonist, when drunk, would go up to the first policeman he came across and would tell him he was drunk and would dare the cop to arrest him.

It was difficult to be young and passionate in those days, just as it must be now for youth bursting at the seams with new-found love, romance and idealism.

Back then it was fun to be defiant. We loved it.

The author is a correspondent for Dawn, based in Washington, DC.


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Anwar Iqbal is a correspondent for Dawn, based in Washington, DC.

Comments (21) Closed

Farhan May 13, 2012 12:36pm
It is perhaps nature of human beings to defy renowned truth and to learn lesson after injury .Well written article sir,really aspiring,energetic and blooming.
Shahid Ashraf May 14, 2012 06:40am
I loved your style. It's an excellent combination of fiction and non-fiction. The language, specially one explaining the dream, youth and passion is so interesting. Great article and excellently presented.
Agha Ata May 14, 2012 01:31pm
Banning drinking, anywhere in the whole WORLD, has manifested itself hundred times more lethal consequences. (Like heroin in Pakistan)
Amjad Wyne May 15, 2012 03:48am
Yes, you took drinking as a sign of defiance - guess what I did. I commited suicide to protest against life - now that is called real definace.
Macho May 13, 2012 03:08pm
A very inspiring and thought provoking artical . No matter how many times you read it, you love it as reading it for the very first time which speaks volumes about the ingenuity of the writter . *cheers*
Ali May 13, 2012 05:25am
I just love your style. Once you start reading, you don't want it to end. It cheers me up, and it is a weekly dose of some classic, thought provoking, emotional and reflective piece of writing. I am not a saint or priest. I had a youthful romantic adulthood myself. A hopeless romantic is poetic first and does turn out to be rebellious after. The stages of being in love and defiant; 1- "Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow." 2- "Mujh se peheli si mohabbat mere mehboob na maang" 3- "Rakht-e-dil bandh lo, dil figaro chalo Phir hameen qatl ho aain yaro chalo"
Ch. Farooq May 13, 2012 03:43pm
I agree with writer as there has been lots of opression and victimization in Zia era. The powers given to police and authorities were used mostly against innocent people specially women. We can see lots of people living in west enjoying absolute freedom of action and choice. On the other hand our Mullah is promoting hate and using relegion as a tool to control people for their own benefit..
parvez May 13, 2012 07:20am
Good reminder that we had curse called Zia as our ruler for 9 long years
Nadeem Chaudhry May 12, 2012 12:33pm
A very well written article. Religion and culture to some extent have created havoc in a country with so much potential. The young men and women of Pakistan waste so much time day dreaming about and concocting plans to be in each others company that their work productivity is highly affected. Then they have the challenge of unrelated passer by's who find it their moral duty to disturb a well meaning meeting between the two lovers. Isn't breaking someone's heart one of the cardinal sins in Islam?
guest May 13, 2012 07:44pm
ZAB banned alcohol not Zia.
Salma May 13, 2012 08:33pm
remarkable piece- but now that defiance is not there - there is just shallow bitterness.
Agha Ata May 14, 2012 01:46pm
But why do you flower and fruit in a foreign country. Who forced you to deprive your root-country of your services taht it needs to desparately?
Ray May 13, 2012 04:13am
Stop being liberal to the point of being shameless. Literature can be more than just kissing and longing for more. Pathetic.
Zaheeruddin Dar May 12, 2012 05:46pm
The story of my generation. Some of us are still in love and defiant. Me too.
observer May 13, 2012 02:56am
flights of fantasy. light years from conventional wisdom.
Jamil May 13, 2012 02:38am
No body is stopping anyone from being romantic in Pakistan today. Anyone can do whatever they want. But people hesitate because of their cultural norms and traditions. If a person wants to change his culture and tradition to accomodate what he/she likes, they are free to do so and I know alot of people who have. But some people are annoyed by the fact that "romantic", "liberal" and western culture is not prevalent in the Pakistani society. Well you can't blame the way Pakistani people choose to live. Its none of your business. I think the author should get over the fact that Zia is gone and look forward. I don't see why someone would be so obsessed with what he hates. I can also see why he got a green card to the US but yet writes articles about Pakistan.
aaa May 12, 2012 07:55pm
I know all this seems quite innocent when written in this way but certain things have consequences which we dont want to see. Though im not living in Pakistan and work in emergency here abroad i see young people around the age of 15, 16 drunk with injuries every weekend. Story is the same a fight started when they are drunk, i generally am not so very concerned for the ones who are not in their teen but my heart goes out for these young ones. It is easier to use young girls as well when they are drunk. And it happens. Putting something in drinks is also quite common. At times one needs to call their parents if they are unde 16 but near 18 or 19 even that is not possible as its not allowed. I know this seems like preaching but the other side should never be forgotton either.
Syed Abbas May 15, 2012 01:16am
An account full of pathos. A society that forces its people to protest only by making them do sinful acts can not be healthy. Love should not be an act of defiance, but an act of worship. Allah wants us to love others, including our future spouses, but forbids secret paramours. A very sad commentary on Pakistan and its people.
Khan May 12, 2012 11:51pm
sorry to say would you see your girl go out with next man, taken advantage of. sure you would if your retard liberal or am born and brought up in UK. I will never forget my roots!
A liberal May 15, 2012 07:02am
Nice article - but one correction. Alcohol was not banned by Zia but by a so called liberal called Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto, as part of his futile policy of appeasing the religious right - and so becoming a 'champion' of the Islamic nations. Other decisions that we are still paying for include the 'Islamic' bomb, the destruction of democracy (not accepting the verdict of the Bengali people, dismissing the governments of NWFP an Balochistan), banning the Qadianis and so encouraging religious intolerance, nationalisation etc.etc. Let us be fair in our assessments and let the youth know the full story of our past leadership!
Motia Tul Nabi May 19, 2012 11:09am
To a certain extent defiance works. But a line needs to be drawn. For someone who doesn't drink, drinking would be an act of great defiance for e.g the said journalist, but it would make those who already do in the name of fun feel tame. What outlet do you suggest for them if they wish to defy the norms and the chains that bind them? Robbery, murder?