It’s a pity that Urdu B — Urdu as a second language, basic Urdu grammar — was the subject of choice for O levels in our days. While some schools offered Urdu A — Urdu literature, poetry and prose — our school opted for easy Urdu.

Needless to say I loved not studying Ghalib, Mir Taqi Mir, Bahadur Shah Zafar, Zauq, Josh Mali Abaadi , Sir Syed for Classes X and XI, but Classes VIII and IX were an overload of Urdu Literature, and Mrs. Naeem, our Urdu teacher, made sure that we knew our mother tongue and its literature by heart. It was like she was avenging our school’s decision for choosing Urdu B for Ordinary Levels. Thank You Mrs. Naeem, I do appreciate it!

However, English Language and English Literature was a whole other ballgame. I remember doing a Shakespearean play, a Thomas Hardy novel and some sixty-five poems for my O level finals, and as for English Language, if memory serves me right, we had to write an ace composition and tackle a comprehension. All this language handling left me pretty confident about my English speaking and writing skills, until my kids were old enough to tell me, `mom it’s not schedule, (read shed-you’ll) it’s schedule (read sce-jewel).’ Yah right kids, the people who made the language got it wrong, but the Yankees got it right!

Maturity has taught me that people who only learn and speak Urdu are in an enviable position; they have but a single language to ace. I confess there are regional dissimilarities in the Urdu language, but a person speaking Urdu can easily communicate with a person speaking Hindi.

On the other hand a non-native person learning the English language is thrown in a quandary, for he or she is faced with two English forms of discourse to master: British English and American English, let alone Australian and South African English. Somehow the love and unanimity between the nations has not been able to dispel the differences in spelling, pronunciation, vocabulary, usage and grammar. Funnily enough the differences between the Oxford dictionary and Webster dictionary seem to grow with each new edition.

I distinctly remember shopping for a cot and a pram, before the birth of my daughter and not a crib and a stroller. The salesgirl in the store looked at me blankly until I realized that she had no inkling as to what I was referring to! Lift/elevator, flat/apartment, the list is long, tedious and unnecessary so let’s move on.

I was teaching kindergarten a few years ago. While talking about the water phenomenon of a geyser (read geezer), I heard the class erupting into a fit of laughter. A six year old corrected me, ‘it’s not geyser (read gee-zer), it’s geyser (read guy-zer).’ Yah, yah whatever! Potato potaato, tomato, tomaato, it’s all the same. The difference in pronunciation is annoying and unnecessary. Which English is phonetically correctly? Bias tells me it has to be geyser (read gee-zer), because K-E-Y is key (read kee) and not key (read kai).

As I sit and write this, I want to mention that my ‘favourite piece of jewellery was given to me when I was travelling with a colourful neighbour.’ The statement is false but it has five words in it that are underlined red because the spell check on my computer wants me to correct them and spell them the American way. But stubborn old me will stick to the English, though the American spelling is shorter and phonetically correct. Let me speak honestly here, if I was writing for an American blog I would spell it the American way.

While British English grammar and American English grammar are usually on the same page there are a few differences. Every time I ask my kids, ‘have you finished your homework,’ the answer is ‘I did it already,’ to what I consider correct, ‘I’ve done it already.’ And then there are common queries and statements that British English uses, I am fine to the American English, I am good. How many brothers and sisters do you have? How many siblings do you have?

Surely I have touched just the tip of the iceberg, there is so much left unsaid about British and American English, one convinces and the other persuades, the languages are different, the people are different, they dress different, they live different, they speak different!

It is surely about time that they have an American Pupil learning to speak proper English is the seventies British sitcom Mind your language. Mr. Brown, Elvis has entered the building.

Bisma Tirmizi is a writer based in Las Vegas

The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.