I was talking to my friend Bubbles who lives in Isloo, and she said every single Isloo wallah has breathed a sigh of belief and is giving thousand, thousand shukranas that Isloo has finally gone back to normal.

Now that V.D. Jance is not coming, that non-stop naaka-bandi type security has been relaxed and, finally, Isloo wallahs are allowed to leave their homes and do all their zaroori kaams that were stuck up.

So Bubbles immediately dashed out of her house to buy her lawn jorras and visit her darzi and get her hair died. And her husband, Shaffy — waisay tau he’s Shafqat — rushed off to climb the Margallahs. He’s into climbing shimbing, na, and goes every weekend with topi and soti and, I think so, he must have worried that the Margallahs might have disappeared or something while he was trapped in his house. So, I think so he went to check for himself.

Waisay, talking of security, just look at Americans saying kay they couldn’t send Jance to Isloo because they couldn’t be sure of our security, when they can’t even keep Trump safe in Washington itself. Barray aaye.

The failure to achieve a resolution in the US-Iran talks being mediated by Pakistan has an upside — at least Islamabad has opened up again

And it wasn’t even as if Trump was roaming around in the middle of a bazaar or attending an urs or something, where there are millions of people you don’t know. He was sitting on the top table at a bank wet in Hilton Hotel, surrounded by his security wallahs, in the middle of Washington.

And all the attendees were supposed to have been wetted from before. Unfortunately, the shooter missed, but next time Americans make sarrhial comments about our security, I hope so Asim Muneer will give, if not rakh kay jawaab, at least gentle reminder. Itna tau hamara bhi bunta hai, bhai.

I was asking Janoo if piece talks are going to assume again in Pakistan or not. Because, despite of Isloo wallahs’ complaints and all, it was so nice to have the line light on us for once and to be on BBC and CNN every night for something other than bomb explosions and khoon kharaba.

It was even nicer that Indians were jaloing and sarrhoing at the importance we were getting and appraise we were receiving, but Janoo says kay it’s hard to depict what’s going to happen because, for both sides, it is naak ka sawaal. Neither wants to be seen to be giving in to the other and be called weak.

If it’s only naak ka sawaal, then better than this was my friend Bumpy, who didn’t look left or right but, as soon as she was 18, she went straight away to London and got a nose job. Waisay, best nose jobs, I’m hearing, are in Tehran. Plastic surgeons over there get a lot of practice, na, because every second Iranian woman has had one.

And everyone knows kay best hair implants are in Istanbul. And best brow lift and tummy tuck in Beirut. And then people say kay we Muslims have been left behind in science and medicine. Dekho zara! I tau say they are all jealous. As soon as these wars end, I’m going for a little bit of tourism to Beirut and Tehran. As Janoo is constantly saying to me, the world doesn’t begin and end in London and Dubai.

But I hope so I can go somewhere in the summers. Janoo, voice of doom and bloom that he is, is saying kay because of the closing on the Straight of Hummus, there’s going to be a world wild shortage of jet fuel and flights are going to be cancelled left, right and centre, and the few flights that are left are going to be so inhibitively expensive kay flying to London is going to be same price as buying a house.

“So why can’t we do like olden times and go by ship?” I asked Janoo. “Like your Dadaji, when he went to Eden?”

“Aden,” he said.

“Okay baba, whatever.”

“May I remind you that modern cruise ships run on fuel?” said Janoo.

“So?”

“So, that too comes from the Middle East.”

“So, you mean we’re going to be stuck up here all summers, sarrhoing in the heat?”

“Like the vast majority of our countrymen, yes.”

“First, you may be a country man,” I replied, “but I’m not. I’m a city girl, okay? And second, if I can’t go to London, then I’m going to Isloo and checking into Serena. I’ll stay in the same sweet as Jance. At least I’ll be hundred percent secure, even if I’m bored to death.”

The writer is a columnist and a satirist and has published six books previously, including the bestselling Social Butterfly series.

She tweets @Moni_butterfly

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 3rd, 2026