IN the chaotic world of Pakistani politics, where the air is thick with promises and the dance floor is crowded with candidates doing the usual political tango, the recent elections felt less like a democratic process and more like a twisted game of musical chairs; a game with a twist of absurdity and a dash of farce.

I will be the first to admit that I am not exactly what you would call a political aficionado. In fact, I navigate the political landscape with the agility of a blindfolded sloth on rollerskates. Yet, amidst the cacophony of promises that would choke Pinocchio, and the dance moves that routinely defy the laws of physics, even I caught myself daydrea- ming about heading the affairs of the country. Why? I mean, why not? After all, I possess the perfect qualification: the spine of a jellyfish and the convic-tions of a particularly spineless kakara.

Now picture this: candidates strutting their stuff like peacocks on steroids, hurling accusations and promises with the finesse of a circus juggler; all this while the master puppeteer lurked in the shadows pulling strings with a sense of vendetta against his own puppets.

It is enough to make you wonder if the whole point of politics is to serve the people or just to provide fodder to late-night on-screen comedians. But, who needs pesky things like policies or a spine when you have got the malleability of moulded clay and the decision-making skills of a goldfish in a blender?

In this democracy on autopilot, the role of the man leading the affairs seems less like leading a nation, and more like playing the straight man in a comedy of errors orchestrated by unseen hands. So, with a political resume as extensive as a toddler’s attention span, and qualifications as captivating as a potted fern, I merrily toss my hat into the electoral arena.

Not surprisingly, in a world where the blind leads the blind, why not let the one-eyed man take a crack at being the leader? Consider this my official plea to the master magician lurking behind the scenes. As a political novice having no determination, courage, willingness or ability, I am the ideal candidate. In a world where political absurdity knows no bounds, why not entrust leadership to someone who embodies an utter lack of ambition, resolve and capability that defines the political landscape?

It is time we, the people, acknowledged that in a country where reality often defies logic, perhaps it is fitting to embrace incompetence as a qualification rather than an impediment. Give it a try, folks.

Haris Zafar
Karachi

Published in Dawn, February 25th, 2024

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