Dear Auntie,
I am a 24-year-old girl, who got married in 2016 at the age of 19. I have a son. My problem is, when I was getting married, I was studying for the Central Superior Services (CSS) exam, and I promised my parents that I will complete it after marriage. It has been four years and I have not been able to get into the course. I don’t know the reason behind it. I am not that busy in my life. I have servants to do house work. I only eat, sleep and hang out at my mom’s house. It is a chill life. My husband is very cooperative. However, my mind does not work like it used to work earlier. Sometimes I end up studying too much and, at other times, I do not touch the books. Please help.
Confused

Dear Confused,
Studying independently at home requires military-like discipline. The first step in doing this is some soul-searching. Ask yourself if you really want to study for the CSS. Do you want to do it, or is it something your parents want you to do? Do you understand that joining the civil service requires rigorous training and a lot of hard work? Are you prepared to completely change your life and your schedule to do that? How badly do you want this? If, after the soul-searching, you decide that this is something you want to do and pursue a career in the civil services, then you have to become super serious about doing so.

Decide today that you will prioritise your studies over everything in your life. Yes, also over hanging out at your mother’s house and even over some of your son’s non-essential activities. The easy way to do this is to enroll in an academy that prepares you to take the exam. This will get you into a routine and automatically get you to study regularly. However, you can also attempt to bring some military-level discipline in your life and do it yourself.

‘I’ m married. How can I still study for my exams?’

Whether you join a group that prepares you for the exam or you attempt it yourself, you will need to make several changes to your routine. To begin with, create a place in your home where you can study undisturbed. Then pick a time of day in which you will study every day. And that means that you will study every single day no compromise.

Say you decide to study two hours a day. This will mean that you will wake up, get dressed and showered (as if you were going to an actual class) and study undisturbed during this time. Tell the house help that you are studying, and that no one is to disturb you. You will have to ensure that your son is either sleeping during the time you are studying, or is safely engaged elsewhere. Another important aspect of studying independently is to create a schedule and stick to it. Figure out a personal reward system and give yourself small treats when you achieve study goals and stick to the schedule, come what may. That means pushing yourself to study even when you are feeling lazy.  

If you know someone else who is studying for the same exam, make him/her your partner and create small quizzes to test each other or explain concepts and ideas to each other. This might make your journey less lonely.

It requires a lot of discipline to study like this. However, remember, a person can do anything he or she puts her mind to and there are women who have managed further studies successfully while managing household responsibilities. You can too. Best of luck!

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 24th, 2020