Dear Auntie,

I am a 22-year-old girl who is an engineering graduate. I am very depressed because of my family. I want to work in my field and do a PhD in engineering. But my family thinks that this is the perfect age for me to attempt the Central Superior Service (CSS) examination. I don’t want to do the CSS and want to go abroad for further studies in my field. I am not financially independent and secretly searching for a job to get away from my family, but have not been successful so far. I am so depressed that I have developed suicidal thoughts. There are constant arguments in my family and my father verbally abuses me often. My father is uneducated himself and thinks that only being a civil servant is a life worth living.

Depressed and confused engineer

Dear Baffled,

To tackle this problem you have to have to understand where you parents are coming from. They have certain beliefs about success, and how to be successful. Based on their life experience, they have set ideas about what a good career is. At the same time, your parents are trying to shield you from what they perceive as ‘mistakes.’ The two things they don’t realise is that they are judging careers based on what they know, which may not be true in general and, secondly, making mistakes is important and is also one of the best ways for children to learn.

‘I want to pursue further education in my field’

The generation gap between you and your parents is another major reason for their disapproval. Sometimes parents don’t understand how lucrative a career can be. Because of his background your father probably values a stable government job over everything else.

Understanding this will help you approach this problem in a way in which it can be resolved. One way to address your parents’ concerns is to brush up your understanding of your field. Learn about the various fields you can enter as an engineer. Study careers paths for engineers and learn about engineers who have done well. If you can give examples of successful women engineers, that will be even better. Give them this information.

In the meantime, don’t assume that you have failed in your job search or in getting opportunities. Keep looking for the job or opportunity (such as a scholarship to enable you to study abroad) and don’t give up.

Ten years in the wrong career is not how anyone becomes successful. Explain this to your parents. You want to excel in your field and be happy, rather than plod along in a career you don’t feel strongly about.

The other thing you can do is to work on yourself. Remind yourself that you want to pursue a professional degree, not some dead end career. It is something that you feel aligned to, which is the most important thing here. Sometimes you just have to accept that you may not be all that your parents think you should be. While it is important to be grateful for everything your parents did to give you an education, it is also important not to cave in and accept a career that you don’t feel passionate about.

Ten years in the wrong career is not how anyone becomes successful. Explain this to your parents. You want to excel in your field and be happy, rather than plod along in a career you don’t feel strongly about.

Our interests and passions are a guide to what we should be doing in our lives. If you know what you are passionate about, you are lucky. Talk to your parents, appreciate all that they have done for you, explain to them what you want out of life and go for it. Good luck to you!

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, January 5th, 2020