Dear Auntie,
I am 28 years old, a married woman and have a daughter. I have everything that I once dreamt of, but sometimes I still feel unhappy and miss the one who is not in my life anymore. Mine was an arranged marriage, though I loved someone else. It’s not that I don’t love my husband, but whenever we fight or just have some arguments, I feel I have taken a wrong decision. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my husband, but I really don’t know how to tackle my situation.
Confused Soul

Dear It’s Clear as Day,
Auntie is always surprised when she sees people who seemingly have everything, but are still unhappy. A lot of us would be much happier if we saw life as a journey, rather than as a series of goals that will make us happy when we reach them. Think about it, you have ‘everything’ that you once dreamt of, but you still feel unhappy. Things can only give you fleeting happiness.

It is wonderful to have nice things. However, the only way to be happy is to look at your life and the things in it every day and appreciate and be grateful for it and them. Start your morning and be grateful you have another day. Look at your daughter, be grateful she is happy and healthy. Consider even what is seemingly wrong in your life, such as the fights with your husband, for instance. Could you look within and see how you are exacerbating the situation? Do you really think if you were married to someone else, you wouldn’t fight with him? Is there something, anything, about this fight that you can be grateful for?

‘I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my husband’

Be grateful for the man who was in your life before you got married, for he offered you love. And also be grateful for your husband. He annoys you sometimes, but he is your partner in the life that you ‘once dreamt of.’   Dear Auntie,
I am a 21-year-old boy. I have a 25-year-old cousin, who became a widow just six months after her marriage. She has a child (a boy) who is now three years old. We have a close friendship and we talk on the phone every day and we also share each other’s problems. She thinks of me as a new friend, but I really love her and want to marry her. She gets many proposals which make me really depressed. I don’t know how to tell her that I love her. I’m afraid she’ll say “no.” Please guide me.
Petrified

Dear In Love
Just let her know. If you are talking to each other every day, and she is telling you about her proposals, she already likes you as a friend. So you are half-way there already. If you want to take a relationship to the next level with a friend, you have to let her know how you feel and risk your love being rejected. There is a possibility that she might say no, but still want to be friends with you. You won’t know till you say it. So please think this through and see where it goes.

At the same time, I hope you are aware of what you are doing. Consider how your family will take to a bahu who is older than their son and has a child. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. However not every family or parent is open to the idea of their son marrying someone older and with a child. If you live in a joint family, it is possible that not everyone is open to her child living with the family. And I seriously hope you don’t intend to separate the mother from her only child. In fact, before thinking of anyone else’s reactions, ask yourself if you are ready to take on the responsibility of a three-year-old child. If you think you are ready to share in parenting and loving a child who may drive you mad on bad days, then this might be for you.

Finally, if you propose to your cousin and she reciprocates your feelings, be prepared to stand by your love come hail, high water or upset parents!

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 11th, 2018