Dear Auntie Agni,
I’m a bachelor in my late 20s from a conservative, middle-class family and work in a private organisation. Prior to this, I was teaching at a secondary school. During my teaching tenure, I fell in love with one of my students who is seven years younger to me. I’m impressed with her character. Not only is she intelligent and wise but also a practising Muslim and cultured girl. She has her goals in life and is very ambitious.
We were not in contact much except for when she sometimes sent me text messages regarding her study issues. Some time back she said she would not chat anymore because it was inappropriate in the eyes of society and since then she has not contacted me.
I want to marry her. I believe she is my soulmate because she is my type and I don’t think I will find anyone with whom I share the same chemistry. But the problem is that she is unaware of the intensity of my feelings. And I am afraid of telling her out of fear of rejection because she has a lot of respect for me as a teacher. I am also worried that if I tell her, she’ll be devastated and break contact with me altogether. Can you advise me the best way to proceed?
‘I am interested in my former student, how should I approach her?’
You are not the girl’s teacher anymore, so that makes things easier from a professional perspective, because if you do end up proposing to her, you won’t be breaching any teacher-student boundaries.
However, Auntie is a little curious. Why did she say that her chatting with you was inappropriate in the eyes of society? Did you drop any hints about your interest? If all you were doing was exchanging notes about her course studies, I don’t think ‘society’ has a problem with that.
If you continue to have the ‘feels’ for this girl and you have waited till she has done her Intermediate, I hope you do realise that you will have to tell her that you like her, so she knows of your interest. And yes, you are risking her breaking all contact with you when you do that. On the flipside, you may get what you want!
Could you wait till she is done with her studies before proposing to her? Do you have any idea how long she plans to study? If she is intelligent and ambitious as you say, you may want to wait till she is at least done with her Intermediate. By then, most people are at a crossroads and deciding what to do next, so that seems like a good point to wait for. Also, while I know you are serious about this girl, realistically speaking, a lot of people don’t know how they will feel tomorrow about something that they are passionate about today.
If you continue to have the ‘feels’ for this girl and you have waited till she has done her Intermediate, I hope you do realise that you will have to tell her that you like her, so she knows of your interest. And yes, you are risking her breaking all contact with you when you do that. On the flipside, you may get what you want! You know the quote: The biggest risk is not taking any risk. So be brave, my boy!
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Published in Dawn, EOS, November 19th, 2017