The United States first established diplomatic relations with Pakistan on October 20, 1947.

The relationship since then has been based primarily on US economic and military assistance to Pakistan, which Pakistan never seems to get enough of.

Pakistan is a major non-Nato ally of the United States, even though, for some odd reason, it keeps pretending that it is one of the biggest anti-US powers in the world.

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The United States is the second-largest supplier of military equipment to Pakistan and largest economic aid contributor, but Pakistanis refuse to acknowledge this and insist that the equipment and the aid actually come from Saudi Arabia via Dubai on flying camels.

In 1955 Pakistan became a member of the US-run Central Treaty Organisation (also known as Central Free Treats Organisation).

The promise of economic aid from the US was instrumental in creating the agreement.

Getting the secret Coca-Cola formula was also a motivation.

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During the Indo-Pakistan War of 1965, the US did not provide Pakistan with military support as pledged. This generated a widespread feeling in Pakistan that the United States was no longer a reliable ally.

According to the US, it cut off weapons supplies because Pakistan military had started the war with India by using its soldiers disguised as Kashmiri mujahideen.

However, the Americans did consider nominating these Pakistani soldiers for the Oscars in the Best Character Actor category. They lost due to the obvious Judeo-Christian bias in Hollywood.

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In 1971 Pakistanis were angry at the US again for not bailing them out from yet another war they started against India.

Just why Pakistanis kept testing their friendship with the US by starting hopeless wars with India is anybody’s guess, but some experts believe Pakistanis found bullets and bombs better tasting than the Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookies the US sent for the Pakistani war effort.

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In April 1979, the United States suspended economic assistance to Pakistan over concerns about Pakistan’s nuclear program under the Foreign Assistance Act.

The Pakistan government, then under the benevolent dictatorship of General Ziaul Ghaznavi, retaliated by banning the sale of Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookies, and publically flogging over 200 young men just for the heck of it.

However, since God moves in mysterious ways and (according to the Pakistan Ideology) is more akin to listen to the prayers of pious military generals and fat pious men, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan forced the US to rethink its Pakistan policy.

The Russian invasion of Afghanistan (inspired more by smuggled John Wayne movies dubbed in Russian than Karl Marx), highlighted the common interests of Pakistan and the United States in opposing the evil Darth Soviet. In 1981, Pakistan and the United States agreed on a $3.2 billion military and economic assistance program aimed at helping Pakistan deal with the heightened threat to security in the region and its economic development needs. The deal was codenamed ‘LOL!’

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The poised, pious, powerful Zia regime distributed the military aid among the Pakistan armed forces, the Afghan mujahideen, enterprising gunrunners, drug barons, university students and wedding planners; whereas, the economic aid was used to develop Pakistan’s economic infrastructure by building madrassas, madrassas, madrassas and mosques.

Pakistan with US, Saudi and/or divine assistance armed and supplied anti-Soviet fighters in Afghanistan, eventually defeating the Soviets, who withdrew in 1988 but left behind a number of bored Arab, Afghan, Chechen, Uzbek, Pakistani, Klingon and Romulan fighters.

These fighters wanted to recreate Afghanistan not like what it was just before the Soviet invasion but what Afghanistan was like on the eve of the first Bronze Age.

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Post- Cold War

Prior to the September 11 attacks in 2001, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia were key supporters of the Taliban in Afghanistan.

The Taliban were a large group of herdsmen who were convinced that goats were more valuable than women, and sheep had more feelings than human beings.

By 1996 they were ruling Afghanistan.

The Pakistan-Saudi support to these handsome herdsmen was an integral part of the Pakistan military’s “strategic depth” objective vis-a-vis India, Iran, Russia and the Vatican City.

However, on September 11, 2001, reckless piloting by some Arabian camel jockeys eventually made them ram their flying camels into New York’s World Trade Centre.

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Pakistan, led by General Pappasalli Musharraf, reversed course and dumped the herdsmen after he was put under pressure by the US.

US president, George W. Wuss, had threatened Musharraf, growling that the US would bomb Pakistan back into Stone Age if he didn’t dump the herdsmen.

What Wuss didn’t realise was that a back-to-Stone Age scenario was exactly what the herdsmen and their supporters in Pakistan were working for!

‘Hee hee,’ said Sangsar Abbasi.

Nevertheless, imagining an age when the military was made up of very hairy, club-carrying, half-naked men, and when macho men and petite women didn’t have a uniform fetish, and when Coca-Cola was yet to be invented, Musharraf joined the US in its “Error on Terror” as an ally.

Having failed to convince the Taliban to hand over Osama Bin There Done That and other members of al-Calendar, Pakistan provided the US with a number of military bases for its attack on Afghanistan, along with other logistical support such as double-talk, half-baked cakes, diarrhea pills and a pair of poodles.

Since 2001, Pakistan has arrested over 500 Al-Calendar herdsmen and handed them over to the US. But Pakistan kept the more muscular and pious looking ones for itself, lodging them on the mountains of Pakistan’s rugged rock ‘n’ rolling tribal areas to tend to the military’s strategically depth sheep.

Terrorist_sheep

In return for its support, Pakistan had sanctions lifted and received about $10 billion in US aid, primarily military, whereas the rest of the aid was used in growing juicy grass, which a majority of Pakistanis eat so that their rulers can keep eating cake.

In June 2004, President George W. Wuss designated Pakistan as a major non-Nato ally, making it eligible, among other things, to purchase advanced American military technology and Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookies with extra icing.

Pakistan has lost thousands of lives since joining the US Error on Terror.

Many Pakistanis believe approximately 3.6 million Pakistanis have been killed by US drones whereas just 130 or so have allegedly been killed by terrorists.

And anyway, they were actually killed by innocent men with an abnormal condition in which normal, peace-loving and pious men suddenly combust in mosques, shrines and markets.

This condition is blamed on the tempered polio drops these poor souls were given in childhood by Zionist agents masquerading as NGO workers.

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Ruing its strategic mistakes in the area, new US president, Barack Obamarama, conceded that the US had made the mistake of “putting all its eggs in one basket” in the form of General Musharraf. That’s why he became a basket case by the end of his rule.

In Pakistan, Musharraf was eventually forced out of office under the threat of impeachment, after years of political protests by lazy lawyers, confused civilians, over excited politicians and bored mullahs.

With Obamarama coming into office, the US promised to triple non-military aid to Pakistan to $1.5 billion per year over 10 years, and to tie military aid to progress in the fight against militants.

This rubbed the military the wrong way which, along with its allies in the shape of fat pious men, has claimed that such non-military progress in Pakistan is against the Pakistan Ideology.

The military might have a point here because some extremely brilliant media men such as the scholarly and judicious Sangsar Abbasi (author of the acclaimed books, ‘Secularism is akin to Satanism’ ; ‘The Wonders of Flogging Women in Public’ and ‘The Glorious YouTube Blockade’), have warned that non-military progress in Pakistan can lead to moral corruption and obscenity in the society and all that juicy grass that most Pakistanis eat will go to waste.

The purpose of the new aid was to help strengthen the democratic government led by President Asif Ali Bhutto Zardari Bhutto and to help strengthen civil institutions and the general economy in Pakistan, and to put in place an aid program that is broader in scope than just supporting Pakistan’s military. LOL!

Present US-Pakistan relations are a case study on the difficulties of diplomacy and policy making in a multi-polar world (especially by men with assorted bipolar disorders).

The geopolitical significance of Pakistan in world affairs attracts attention from both India and China (and for some odd reason, from Surinam as well), making unilateral action almost impossible from the US. This was explained in an article titled ‘FTW?!’ by an American policy expert.

In February 2011, the US administration suspended high-level contacts with Pakistan after ‘The Everybody Loves to Hate Raymond Davis’ incident occurred.

Raymond Rambo Davis, an alleged private security contractor and Sushi expert, was on an American diplomatic mission in Pakistan when he shot dead two Pakistani locals and claimed that it was in self-defense after the two attempted to rob him.

Pakistan acted tough on Davis despite US demands for him to be freed because he enjoyed diplomatic immunity and Lahore’s famous ‘Phajay Kay Paye.’

However, the Pakistanis eventually let the bugger go when the US promised to increase its supplies of Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookies, but this time according to the dictates of Islamic law. That’s why Betty Crocker cookies now have the word ‘Halal’ inscribed on them. In fact, Betty Crocker actually converted to Islam and renamed herself as Sister Kokab.

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On May 2, 2011, shortly after 1 am the head of Al-Calendar, Osama Bin There Done That was killed  by a United States special forces unit led by an army of T-1000 Terminators, in the Pakistan city of Absurdabad.

The operation, codenamed Operation Neptune Spear and Other Phallic Symbols, was ordered by United States President Barack Obamarama.

Numerous allegations were made that the military of Pakistan had shielded Osama Bin There Done That Laden. Critics cited the very close proximity of Bin There’s heavily fortified compound to the Pakistan Militancy Academy, I mean, Pakistan Military Academy.

Most Pakistanis were scandalised. They were sure that the American accusations were part of a huge international Reptilian conspiracy funded by western multinationals, Jewish bankers and Congo bongo players against the Pakistan military and its fat pious allies.

However, things have settled down a bit between the two countries mainly because Pakistanis have recently been scorning at a new state enemy: Dubbed Turkish TV soaps.

Al-Calendar threatened to kidnap Betty Crocker and subject her to the torture of listening to Ali Azmat talk about the political, social, cultural, scientific, spiritual and psychological Zionist plot behind Einstein’s E=MC2 followed by hours and hours of taped Deepak Chopra lectures.

Nevertheless, Pakistan remains to be a major non-Nato ally as part of the US Error on Terror. A leading recipient of US military assistance, Pakistan expects to receive approximately $20 billion, slurp, slurp …

Perhaps if the US simply reduced this aid to a couple of stacks of West Virginian grass for Pakistanis to eat …

However, in the aftermath of the Osama incident, the Pakistan Army cancelled a $500 million training program and sent all 135 US trainers home, but not the hundreds of Uzbek, Chechen, Afghan and Arab trainers training Pakistani herdsmen in the tribal areas of Pakistan.

But, who’s counting.

 


Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com

 

 


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.


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Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

More From This Author

First impressions ...

When it comes to political leaders and parties in Pakistan, first impressions are indeed the most lasting ones.

Comments (174) Closed




Rabia N.
Apr 11, 2013 08:24am
:D NFP, if you become either United States or Pakistan's forigen minister, the world would not only be a much better place but hilariously wonderful too. You remain to be Pakistan's ace satirists hands down.
Aarif Baloch
Apr 11, 2013 08:30am
Pakistan should thank the US for saving Pakistan from complete dismemberment in 1965 and in 1971. In 1965 the Indian army was only feet from Lahore when the US Administration threatened India with dire consequences if it did not declare a ceasefire. In 1971 after splitting of East Pakistan and capturing half of the Pakistani armed forces, India was about to dismember the rest of Pakistan and take back what it considers to be it own land, Azad Kashmir under Pakistani administration, when President Nixon ordered the Seventh Fleet to the Indian Ocean and India was forced to withdraw. Had Nixon not done what he did India would have liberated Balochistan from the clutches of the Pakistani Army.
Riaz Akmal
Apr 11, 2013 08:31am
Good-un!
Shahryar Shirazi
Apr 11, 2013 08:32am
Its 1:30AM here in San Francisco. Read almost 70% of it and scrolled down the rest. Will re-read in the morning. Amazing stuff. Raymond Davis is missing in the article :)
Fal
Apr 11, 2013 08:35am
funny..Nadeem Paracha should start a career as a stand up comedian cuz stand up comedian take a factual event and weave a nonsense story behind it to make people laugh. And guess what? I laughed quite a lot. So Good Job!!!..*Sniff*..Love the smell of sarcasm so early in the day!!
Hasan
Apr 11, 2013 08:36am
wow.. you forgot to mention (the now declassified) facts behind Liaquat Ali Khan's assassination ;)
Syed Hydar
Apr 11, 2013 08:36am
ROTFLMAO!
Imran
Apr 11, 2013 08:45am
Brilliant NFP, as always bitter truth revealed in a satirical manner. Is anybody caring to listen in Pakistan?
A Shah
Apr 11, 2013 08:48am
The only basket case in this story is Pakistan!
doc111
Apr 11, 2013 08:49am
g888888.. simply hilararious,,, g8 sataristic of indian subcontinent,,,,
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 08:56am
I like... I agree with what you wrote and it was shocking to see that Pakistanis believed that they were able to go toe-to-toe with the Americans, but this attitude has changed and in part, thanks to folks like yourself. Unfortunately, in India, the attitude is still the same and it was depressing for you to not have mentioned their way of thinking, even in the slightest, in any of your writings. I see their delusional approach to be the reason why they are able to elect an extremist like Modi (who isn't even allowed into America via a video link). They, and specifically the extremists from the Vaishnavite sect believe that all world religions, knowledge and history has come from India. They believe Islam originated form Vaishnavism because of paganized Arabia. They believe Jesus was an avatar of Krishna and that Tamilian Shaivites believe in Ram. There's a lot more to add to this but I am sure you already get an idea about why India, being such a huge nation, is still comparable to Pakistan in it's per capita income (hint: we're from the same place BTW, Persians aren't any different either!). However, the attitudes in Pakistan have become more pragmatic and realistic, in part because of folks like yourself who were, at first, perceived to be audacious, shameless and a little too radical for a society like Pakistan but as we see now, it's better to have let people like you on the loose because now, we can at least realize that people celebrate mere transportation services in Pakistan whilst the Americans are planning to map the entire human brain (already mapped the human genome, gave us the internet and other things). With regard to America, Indians are of the opinion that they shouldn't even be called an "ally" when it comes to the Americans and would resort to only being referred to as friends. That's like saying, a high school football player was dating a non-cheerleader, nerd with braces and she told him that "we just should be friends". Won't sit well with the guy who could've just as easily dated the Pamela Lee of his school and the same is the case for America. So, now that the Indians chose to weed out the Western companies from the defense contracts, did blatantly audacious military deals with the neo-Czarists and even sided with the Russians on many Middle Eastern issues, they shouldn't complain about having the outsourced jobs getting re-shored or the tourists not visiting their country, anymore (especially because they are a world power and cradle of human civilization - of course, as per their own fantasies). I find it ironic to note that the Indians believe Americans should not feed their own millions of unemployed people and instead, support the Indians. They even go as far as to say that the entire American tech-economy would collapse if the Americans do this. The socialist-nuts, like you had been cheering on the increase of oil prices through OPEC only to later realize that the trend of development only increased in America after a year or two of recession. This will have no impact on America's tech-world or Silicon Valley. BTW, I disagree with you folks when I see you get hung up on the Indus Valley civilization whilst the world is creating things like the Silicon Valley but I am not the one to teach anyone, now, am I? (I don't get paid to do that, if I did, tuition would begin immediately). On tourism, I would really be curious to see who wants to visit India now? Like with Iran, Russians and Chinese only bring so many dollars (yes, they want dollars too). As the world has now realized, and so have Pakistani ex-Islamic socialist nut-jobs, the position that you have in the world is the one from which you should be talking. Not the positions you have concocted for yourself in your own minds. Pakistan has now taken the right step by knowing it's place and fighting its battles carefully. Indians might become another USSR till they eventually realize that you can't live in a "Lord of the Rings" world, only because, it's not real. If you become China, then, may be, you could show off in Superman costumes. Till then, you're just you, and that is, a third world country. Dignity is fine but overdoing it, is a problem. BTW, this "dignity" that the Indians refer to is something with which you can relate. It stems from your time as an NSF/Red awakening-nut job. In this comical philosophy, people of the third world truly believed that they could be "non-aligned" just because they thought they could, in their own imaginations.
saa
Apr 11, 2013 09:09am
Saurabh P
Apr 11, 2013 09:20am
Hilarious, cn't stop laughing :P we want more such articles :D
Dilawar Ahmad
Apr 11, 2013 09:20am
US-Pak relations have certainly taken a bizarre and darkly comical turn. They could only have been described through satire ... the sort NFP writes. Loved it.
Imran
Apr 11, 2013 09:22am
In total agreement with u brother Arif. The idea of Pakistan was based on false premises ignoring the multi ethnicity, multi-religious,and multi cultural ethos of sub-continent. This unnatural concept was bound to fail. It began soon after the creation of this fake country Pakistan...1971 confirmed it....Balochistan and Sindhu Desh would reconfirm. Insha Allah
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 09:29am
I hope you're not the Indian version of the PTI trolls, namely, a MUFC (Modi United Fan Club) troll and you would be willing to laugh at Indian extremism, chauvinism and self-declared supremacy.
Parvin
Apr 11, 2013 09:32am
Thank you for a familiar dose. The writing and sentiments expressed are unmistakable but the name has changed. However, you forgot to mention the Pastoral, Agrarian and onset of Mohameddan Era and that Pakistan is 500 years ahead of its time.
Imran
Apr 11, 2013 09:32am
Gotti u are putting forth hal baked truths regarding India. Pakistan has not realized anything as yet but on the contrary USA has realized that Pak can't be trusted anynmore due to clash of national interests. pakistan still wants dollars from USA and military hardwares to keep the Indian Bogey flaming. India's foreign policy has been non-alligned from the very beginning. 1962 war with china did force it in USSR camp. But now in the unipolar world India is taking its steps intellifently. And all your venoms spewed against hinduism are baseless
Sonia K
Apr 11, 2013 09:43am
Nice stories- have heard them before- but there is no proof of them anywhere!!! You guys really want freedom- ask your leaders to give it to you- they are the ones playing with it. Balochis have a history of being landowners- people who focussed on the material possessions and hardly focused on education or furthering their skills. This meant they were ruled- always ruled- not by people inside their lands- but by people who were smarter than them and outside their lands. If only Balochis had the guts of being educated and working for a greater good of their own community- no one could have broken you guys as a community or Pakistan as a whole. That is the essence of being a Balochi!!!
Dearborn Iffy
Apr 11, 2013 09:47am
Here comes Uncle the preacher man again with his brainwash promotion kit. Special offers this week: Standard brainwash: $4.99 Rohani brainwash: $ 9.99 All offers come with a free T-shirt. Pick your own hate logos from our selection:
Nasir
Apr 11, 2013 09:57am
Brilliant article. Thanks Paracha Sahib for such a nice read.
Rafi
Apr 11, 2013 09:59am
Did I hear a Sind Natinalist calling it Sindhu Watan. Wonder why.
Ozz777
Apr 11, 2013 10:00am
Please write for Urdu newspapers/publications as well. As long as you keep writing in English, people like 'Sangsar' Abbasi will have a much bigger audience than yours......
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 10:18am
*Dawn.com, please allow me to respond to vile straw-man attacks that deserve a befitting response* I am surprised that this comment is coming from someone living in Dearborn, an Arab ghetto that has been forcing America to rethink their ties with Israel. Wonder why you complain when Home-Depot pulls the ads on an Arabized ghetto, showcasing America as a country made for those who do not want to integrate, let alone assimilate. Conversely, I believe we should have ties with the so-called "Zionist" regime because if 15% of Arabs in Israel can, and all of them in the West Bank choose to work there, then, we have no reason to say no. We can't possibly feel more hurt for the Palestinians, than the Palestinians, themselves. Furthermore, Jordan, Egypt and Turkey are not less Muslims than we are for doing this. Next time, you make a straw-man attack, please be sure to get it right.
sharma
Apr 11, 2013 10:36am
Please read hindu mythology before commenting & stop living in fool's paradise.
AHA
Apr 11, 2013 11:01am
I see more posts these days from my right-wing, religious leaning countrymen. This is indeed sad. A healthy debate is always good, and is perhaps the only hope for Pakistan.
Jaani
Apr 11, 2013 11:06am
You better take care of your country affairs than evaluating a successful country after freedom!!
AHA
Apr 11, 2013 11:07am
Excellent response. The biggest abuser of Baloch people (BTW, Balochi is the language and not the people), is not Pakistan (still an abuser, though), but their own leaders.
Ex Lahori
Apr 11, 2013 11:09am
@Rabia N , Khudos to you for having identified a very deserving prospective Foreign Minister for the new PAK Govt coming in June 2013.It can be a game changer for South Asia. @ Aarif Baloach Sahib, you have recorded it as it really happened in 1965 &1971. But now it is time to move on and have a South Asian Comunity to pull us all out of the mediocrity we have surrounded us with.Let us do it .
jssidhoo
Apr 11, 2013 11:10am
Great read
Jaani
Apr 11, 2013 11:22am
this is really strange that NFP writes about USA - Pakistan relationship and this guy is talking tangent!!! common sense is very uncommon....
rehan
Apr 11, 2013 11:40am
Pakistan Militancy Academy ? hahah...well why don't you go ahead and establish a Pakistan Secularists Academy .
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 11:46am
*Dawn.com, please allow me to respond to vile straw-man attacks painting me as Barbarosa reincarnate* I have only written that "things have changed" with confidence because to see Mr. Mengal, the caliph-like leader of the tribal Baluch to sit alongside Punjabis is an unimaginable thing that couldn't have ever happened, even as early as in the year Mayans said the world would end. It is unheard of, in Pakistan for such folks to wine and dine together and the same goes for the Sindhi Nationalists like Mr. Mumtaz Bhutto who had made a "mahaz" of all non-Punjabi ethnic groups. As the author might already know, these people had their entire ideologies and political philosophies based on hate for the "Punjabi sarmayadar". Now, aligning with them tells people like myself that things truly have changed because they wouldn't have given up on their ideologies - if they didn't do it when the going had been tough, why would they do it now if there truly wasn't change in the mindset of the so-called establishment? On your other points: I did not spew any venom against Hinduisim unlike the gentleman who used a hateful, derogatory euphemism for Islam in the post above yours. The term is not unlike "black-face" and shows how much colonialism, a concept that has devolved in the West, is still active in the minds of those who were colonized. Similarly, fair and lovely, fair and handsome and other products are a "hit" there while they are politically incorrect and absolutely inappropriate in the civilized world. (It's ironic that tanning is okay, though, but that's a discussion for another day). Also, neither were you able to show any evidence about "half-baked" truths about India. I spoke of the mentality of the vast majority of Indians that believe they are a first world country. This is no different than Pakistanis and other communities from this part of the world who think they can stop the world economy shut if they wanted, with a snap of their fingers. I can't possibly understand why you would want to suggest otherwise. Either you have never visited India, met Indians, know of their political discourse, or are trying to be an apologist without reason. As the author had shown clearly in his piece, Pakistanis, despite their rhetoric, have now gone back to accepting aid from America. I agreed with him on that and further added that Indians are going down that same route despite having happily accepted outsourced jobs and tourists. What you missed in what I was saying was that this is no different, as the author pointed out, with Pakistan when it comes to accepting aid, yet, following their own petty "national interests". Indians were always clearly with the Russians, and have shown where their loyalties lie through their alignment with Russian interests in the Middle East, offering defense contracts to non-Western countries, and finally, welcoming Putin (neo-Czar) to ink billion-dollar defense deals. They did all of this despite having benefited greatly from their friendship with the Western world. There were many pieces out there by Americans requesting Indians to not do what I just mentioned they did. Indians started to take Western benevolence for granted and began to assume that they were entitled to this treatment, while the exact opposite is true. India is a third world country, a billion times over and they were only being rewarded for aligning with the international community, and possibly promoting their interests (not because they are "special"). It is absolute comedy when you suggest that India is a self-sufficient power because making such wildly unrealistic claims is no different than when Pakistanis say they are the "Fortress" of Islam. It is surprising that I caused offense by saying a similar attitude exists in India. I mean, it is ironic that you're only willing to laugh at the Pakistanis but when the same is said with regard to the Indians, it becomes an inviolable offense. Why? Is it a sensitive issue because it's bitterly truthful? Reminds me of the Pakistani reaction when they are refuted for their beliefs of ruling the world or having the ability to wave their flag on the moon. It's even funnier when you see the Indians believe that they can do the same independently. Their moon mission was run directly by NASA and it was even more hysterical to see them begging the Americans to "outsource" their space program to India. I'll give Indians this much credit. We beg for lump-sum checks, whilst the Indians beg to get everything outsourced to them. Bravo, India! You've raised the bar! Or, should I say, "Bar ko Chak de, India"? Now, I hope you don't say that this is a lie, too. Indians are always begging to keep American jobs that are so desperately needed by the millions of unemployed Americans. Why would any nation feed another country's citizens and starve their own? Why worry about having them returned from Bangalore, especially when you're claiming to be too big to be even referred to as "allies"? Just like the Pakistanis, the Indian Hindutva folks will hate America but love the products they invented. There are millions of Hindutva preachers that you can see yourself, online, speaking of how India is the best nation, mankind has ever known. They say their soap is better than the one produced by Proctor & Gamble, their cow-dung is better than foreign fertilizer that has apparently destroyed their crop, and their local burgers are better than McDonald's. These people have credibility amongst the masses and hold rallies in the millions. What's the difference in the Pakistani attitude that is being mocked here? BTW, did you know, Indians, themselves, wouldn't buy an ambassador (or a TATA, now) and instead choose to buy a European or Western car, whilst claiming that they are "too big" to be called an "ally" (proxy is a long shot)? There's an inferiority complex in this part of the world, live with it. Ahmedinejad speaking of the "resolve" of the Persians or Modi making outlandish claims about Hindutva is no different than the folks Mr. Paracha mentioned in his piece. To say one is acceptable and the other is a joke is to confirm that you're aligned with one side and only enjoying the mockery of the other because it suits your interest. Why does is strike a nerve if I am laughing an identical situation, in two different places, for? Why can't you find my laughter fathomable in that other place? That's like saying, I enjoy laughing at kids falling off bikes in Rwanda, but when it happens in India, I will appeal to humanity, morality and pull out the "Pakistan's ISI did it" card. This is not sensible, by any means Also, Nasser, Suharto, Saddam, Arafat and other so-called Islamic socialists that India was aligned to renders their claims of "non-alignment" worthless because they were clearly aligned with Russia. Ever heard of the MiGs? These are irrefutable facts and cannot be hidden away from us as they are available for the entire world to see in the international news media. BTW, I am glad that you folks responded because this only further proved my point about how delusional you are and you actually do believe India is a regional powerhouse despite it being unpopular in Sri Lanka, Nepal, Bangladesh and China. Even within India, there is hate for how the center treats its flanks and minorities. If insensitivity wasn't the case, Tamil Nadu, wouldn't have been locked down. This, again, is no different than how the Punjabis were perceived in Pakistan but as I had said earlier, things have started to change after Mr. Mengal came back and other parties who were labelled as atheists, foreign agents, or enemies have started to have a say. I still can't understand the reaction. Lastly, America has elected Chuck Hagel and John Kerry from both sides of the aisle and they have both voiced positive opinions about moving forward with normalizing ties with the nation. If you had been in the know or were keeping yourself aware of the points of view emanating from America, you would agree that Americans have changed their future policies with regard to Pakistan and the Pakistani attitude when it comes to the United States has also changed (although, I agree America is viewed unfavorably but this is likely to change now that attitudes have changed - didn't I just say that?). These are facts and not something I made up in my own living room as I do not have access to information except for what the media tells us. To suggest nothing of the sort is taking place is like saying the entire world is lying, simultaneously and unashamedly. In a globalized world, no one nation can remain isolated, forever. Even after all the belligerence, the Chinese and the Americans have decided to work together because that's the reality of this world.
Sandip
Apr 11, 2013 11:53am
lol
Aarif Baloch
Apr 11, 2013 11:53am
We will manage very well once Pakistan ends its occupation of balochistan. Please do not forget that we are not Pakistanis, we are Balochis.
haris
Apr 11, 2013 12:10pm
I feel sorry for you and the people like you who still believes in the pathetic narrative of Victimhood from Pakistani military and establishment. Kudos to you and people who thinks like you. FYI! there won't be any significant change appear even though you liberate Balochistan from tyrant Pakistani establishment unless you liberate yourself from your Idols (the Sardars) of your land. Don't believe me? no problem, time will tell you Brother.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 12:13pm
Gen. Ayub had made it clear in his book
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 12:14pm
A post that makes absolutely no sense to me, whatsoever, but I will leave it to you and your imagination to concoct further such thoughts without addressing them so as to leave you in your own little world of fanciful imagination.
CLean Bowled
Apr 11, 2013 12:16pm
You seem obcessed with India and Indians..your love for India is not uncommon. You also seem to be an expert in History and Foreign affairs....Your teachers should be really proud of you..
P.Mishra
Apr 11, 2013 12:21pm
Yopur knoledge about will put a pandit to Shame. It is surprising that you have acquired so much knolwdge just for Hindu and India bashing. Great.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 12:35pm
Greetings from Dearborn MI Hey, what is going on here? My ears are singing. BTW, soon these posts will come from Montreal, my second home, inshallah.
Dearborn Iffy
Apr 11, 2013 12:46pm
Uncle, I've heard this meaningless reply before. You have my sympathies though. Incidentally, I am pleased to see ax2+bx+c = 0 mentioned in the article captions. How apt it is for discriminants which are zero or negative - i.e.yielding imaginary solutions and notions.
Anonymous
Apr 11, 2013 12:58pm
Hahahahaa @SAngsar ABBASI
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 12:59pm
Oh poor gotti: Greetings from Dearborn MI The ignorant crowd is mistaking you for me, an U.P. born Rawalpindi native Lahori based in Toronto since 1968. Dearborn in no ghetto. It is the world HQ for Ford Motor Company. Mr. Ford was fond of Arabs and donated land for the first mosque in Michigan (he also hated the Jews). If we can have relationship with the infidel India, why not the yehud? Peace is good for Islam. It is they who do not want peace because they will lose. Our prophet A.S. converted only 1,000 in 20 years when warring with the infidel, but the year after Hudaibiya 20,000 converted. That is why India does not want peace with Pakistan and Israel not with Palestinians because they will be the losers.
G. Din
Apr 11, 2013 01:01pm
" In 1965 the Indian army was only feet from Lahore when the US Administration threatened India with dire consequences if it did not declare a ceasefire." No threats came from US. The only reason Indians did not enter Lahore was it would serve no purpose since India could not occupy Lahore with such a huge population for ever. Having said so, it would have served absolutely no purpose to even try to cross the Ichhogil Canal since it was designed as a tank-trap to defend Lahore. Indian forces parked themselves on the eastern bank of that canal. " In 1971 after splitting of East Pakistan and capturing half of the Pakistani armed forces, India was about to dismember the rest of Pakistan and take back what it considers to be it own land, Azad Kashmir under Pakistani administration, when President Nixon ordered the Seventh Fleet to the Indian Ocean and India was forced to withdraw. " When Nixon ordered Seventh Fleet into the Bay of Bengal in 1971, ostensibly to evacuate American nationals from East Pakistan, Soviet Union, acting under the obligations of the India-Soviet Union Friendship Treaty signed earlier, moved its submarine fleet from Far North. This fleet (the Submarine Fleet) dogged Seventh Fleet right into the Bay of Bengal. And then, it surfaced, one by one, all around the Seventh Fleet (See the video of the Soviet Admiral describing this encounter of his fleet available on the internet and how his orders were to prevent Seventh Fleet to make contact with East Pakistan "at any cost".). Faced with a risk of a clash with the Soviet Union Nixon ordered his fleet to withdraw in light of this development. In the meanwhile, the British Fleet had passed through the Suez Canal on its way to help the Seventh Fleet. When the latter withdrew from the Bay of Bengal, the British Fleet changed direction at the Strait of Hormuz and returned home around the Cape of Good Horn. Although India had no intentions whatsoever to dismember Pakistan, US was apprehensive of this and pressured Soviet Union to dissuade India from doing so (Read Kissinger Memoirs). Of course, India assured that it had no such intentions. The US used its frantic exertions to claim how it had saved Pakistan from imminent destruction at India's hands. Try to research the subject you feign to be an expert in before you pen it down!
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 01:04pm
Again, sir, instead of wasting our time here, it is better for you to convince your Arab friends to try and be part of the American community, instead, because producing a Ms. America from Dearborn won't make the cut and neither does it make up for the hate you have for the Jews (I won't call it "anti-semitism" because there are claims of Arabs being Semites, too - and Phoenicians, at the same time - BTW, according to Arabs, they are everything in this world and all words and communities came from them). Also, mathematical equations do not relate to the topic at hand and neither does what you wrote make any sense. Assuming that you're an Arab, I will advise you to try and justify the relevance of your community outside of falafel, humus, belly-dancing, and shawarmas. Lastly, please stop sending your folks to my country. It is bad enough that we have to deal with local extremists, to deal with undocumented ones from Arabia, gets even more difficult. BTW, it gets especially harder when they are equipped with oil or Suez money. How about you stick to boarding ships to Europe or the West where they have better ways of documenting people and can send you back within days. In Pakistan, we don't even have our citizens documented, let alone have the capacity to document Arab extremists from abroad.
haris
Apr 11, 2013 01:07pm
@Aarif Baloch: "Had Nixon not done what he did India would have liberated Balochistan from the clutches of the Pakistani Army." In this way you become slaves of Indian establishment instead but the point is you remain oppressed. The mentality hasn't changed over these years and will never change as long as people like you up beating the tympan.
Magister Ludi
Apr 11, 2013 01:22pm
This comment is as far from reality as a Pop singer is from understanding Husserl. Please don't try to shove religion in every single comment.
murtazarzai
Apr 11, 2013 01:27pm
TATA now owns LAND ROVER & JAGUAR.
smoker
Apr 11, 2013 01:28pm
gOTTI man!! please share the powerful stuff you are smoking these days across the border!!!
Abid
Apr 11, 2013 01:39pm
LMAO, aala. 'LOL' relationship with US is actually legitimate.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 01:43pm
HIndu mythology is apt for the era past, of agrarian India. Interesting reads, but irrelevant. This is the age of Globalization and Free Trade.
krishnan
Apr 11, 2013 01:55pm
Is today April 1 ?
murtazarzai
Apr 11, 2013 01:57pm
Here comes your golden rule ;) muslim :trader christian ,jews ,hindu: agriculture
AHA
Apr 11, 2013 01:58pm
So true.
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 02:02pm
I like and agree with most of what you wrote and a lot of what you raised is something that sits well with me because of the points that you raised about Music and the national symbol. Although, miniscule and irrelevant, subconsciously, it has an impact on people's psyche to a certain extent. However, I disagree with the agrarian and industrial example because even today, Ted Turner and Mr. Rockefeller are billionaires in part because of owning acres upon acres of land. Conversely, if you were to make the case that the Pakistani economy, like the American one, can have the potential to make it to the top because of a combination of agrarian and industrial economies, then, I'm in line to buy your argument. Why? Because America competed with the Europeans, as you've rightly pointed out, because of it's incredibly accumulated wealth through land ownership (Slavery and the 13th amendment followed but we'll discuss this another day). This is different than India, in that, the farmers of their Punjab state are considered secessionists and have been placed under debt-traps to eventually commit suicide in the hundreds. Other cases, like Bengal, the former bread-basket of the Indian subcontinent, had to face land encroachments for industrialization and the economies were destroyed because the Peasants can never become assembly-line workers. This has been the case in other states and resulted in huge protest and backlash, which is why I think you need to reconsider this talking point. Converting agricultural land for industrial purposes has never been the case for America because places like Oklahoma and Texas still have that as their primary economy. America is a combination of the two types of economies, and now, you may include Hollywood and the Silicon valley. Therefore, it is not possible to accept any such "transitions" as being relevant when discussing growth of a nation. The confused philosophy of Maoism where peasants stood up to kill the farmer that was feeding them, was also observed in the Indian state of Bengal for the same reason (further solidifying my argument against using this concept to justify economic growth). This was also seen in Zimbabwe and parts of South Africa (but they controlled this). There is a underlying racial issue there but that is not up for discussion, here, however, the point still remains: the removal of the farmers is never a good idea by those who are not familiar with how to run a farm. That's like saying workers of a Foxconn plant started to hack the supervisors to death to take control of the plant, only to later find out they do not know a thing about how they should manage the plant, it's taxes or other things. Also, I believe a point that you didn't mention was that Pakistanis and Americans have a very similar political discourse, which, unlike India never had room for the point of view of communists. Even now, the Indian government cannot ignore the communists whilst trying to come into power. The congress had to align themselves with Leninists to form the UPA government. Religiosity isn't a bad thing but has some severe consequences in places like India where they have to slaughter Muslims in the thousands to become victorious, electorally. Vajpayee and others stormed UP (the biggest state with the most seats) to come into power in the '90's, and Modi had to "cleanse" Gujarat now, and because of this, is being billed as the future PM. To perform such acts of bloodshed and massacre only goes to show how disgusting the use of religion for political gains can be and even more disgusting is the approval of the masses for such people and their actions. Modi already won the CMship of Gujarat for the third time because of the same reason. Keep in mind, Gujarat is a state where there is no "left" and everyone votes in line with the BJP, including the Congress members of the house. The only person (Jaffri) that would've voted against them had been killed by them in '02 but he was a Member of Lok Sabha. Had he ran for office in the state, he would've been like Ghulam Arbab Rahim, the sole member sitting in the opposition. Christians also suffered the same fate in Karnataka and MP where BJP has power. There needs to be a limit to one's religious fervor. Pakistanis need to limit it, too. With that said, I agree that America is a moral and religious society and as Muslims, we have to accept it's stature in the world is due to this reason and not many others. Also, it has the name of God on its money and every President and Congressman has to swear by at least One Theos or another, when being "sworn" in. Also, unlike Stalinism, that believed one should destroy religion and completely ban it, America has permitted the practice of it and allowed everyone to do so, as per their own free will and wishes. Even China doesn't allow Hajis to leave or even allow people to fast in Ramadan. In contrast, America lights its highest building, the Empire State Building, green, for Eid. This, however, does not imply vigilantism doesn't exist but it does mean that Pakistan and Islam do not stand in contradiction with such a philosophy. Even the Shiites, despite facing torture by vigilantes, were allowed to do their procession under tight security that involved the use of helicopters, something that the entire police forces probably only has one of, in each urban center. Dawn.com is an example of the kind of freedom we have in Pakistan. People who burn Pakistani flags, or speak against religion or God are always still considered to be Pakistani, despite holding such views. This is no different than America where burning the American flag or mocking televangelists is acceptable. Despite people questioning the loyalty of Mr. Paracha, in a process similar to McCarthyism, not once will you see folks such as yourself question his loyalties to Pakistan or assume he is on some foreign nation's payroll. This can never be imagined in a place like India where mainstream figures were asking for Arundhati Roy to be hanged or even killed. No one can possibly imagine insulting Gandhi/Nehru or even dare to ask for developments in the Sethusamudram. If they did, they would get arrested, like Kaliagnar (Karunanidhi) was in the middle of the night, despite being a septuagenarian, mobile, only through a wheelchair. A similar response can never seen in a place like Pakistan when it comes to the Kalabagh dam. Also, creation of the Seraiki province did not result in riots like it did with Telangana, in India. Unlike India or other extremely divided societies, we believe that everyone has their own idea behind taking Pakistan forward and moving it in the right direction (as per their understanding). Even today, we celebrate Habib Jalib and Faiz (Rawalpindi conspiracy) despite most Pakistanis disagreeing with Communism/Socialism. This is because we don't believe they were anti-Pakistan but only that, to them, the right direction to propel Pakistan forward was through communism or whatever ideology they espoused. You may disagree with them, but you cannot possibly call then anti-Pakistan (like Mr. Paracha, here, cannot be called that and should not, either). In short, this is where I believe Pakistan is the most like America because despite everything, we have Mr. Mengal, Achakzai and Mumtaz Bhutto sit with the Punjabis. Despite having people like the Marris and Bugtis come on national TV and spill as much negativity as they did against the integration of Pakistan, we do not try to paint them in a negative light or consider them "anti-Pakistan" or "our enemies". I still remember every anchor say that these are our people and they are disenchanted. For those who do not understand or listen, you must and must listen, immediately. No such thing is possible in a place like India where Kashmiris are always considered as children who have been misled by their evil and older bullying school-mates, the Pakistanis. This is despite the whole world watching the Pakistani flag being raised in the downtown Lal Chowk of Srinagar by young men, women and children (and yes, none of them were brandishing guns). The same was not allowed for the Indian flag by those who had marched from elsewhere, so as to not hurt any sentiments - only this is enough to show what the mood of the area is - yet, it is taboo to call it an "occupation". Similarly, you can never find a Mr. Paracha (Pakistan's scribe version of Jon Stewart) in India challenging and questioning the most "sacred" of our political talking points. Therefore, I agree with you, when you say that America is very much like America because you will always see a divisive figure like Farrakhan have a say there, like with the Bugtis on every TV channel in Pakistan, but the same cannot possibly said for a Karunanidhi, in India. PS. The reason I compared us with India because we have a similar political system as them (unlike Iran or China) and being our neighbor, it is only logical to compare Pakistan with them.
AHA
Apr 11, 2013 02:02pm
India would have been far better than their own nawabs and sardars (and of course, Pakistan).
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 02:25pm
It comes from Cali. where the grass is purple.
Historian
Apr 11, 2013 02:27pm
Funnier than this piece is NFP's reference to the Taliban as a 'Pak-Saudi' affair. The author needs to investigate the role of the U.S. in sanctioning the Taliban takeover of Kabul. Talibanis were hosted in Washington as late as 2000. Also, if the U.S. did not support Pakistan in its wars with India because Pakistan 'started them,' why did it support Israel in the war it started in 1967, the result of which has been the occupation of Palestinian and Syrian territories to this day? My list of NFP's historical sophistry is much longer, but the lesson for readers is not to trust the history presented by this author, even in its satirical form.
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 02:48pm
I did not mean to belittle your hometown but I must clarify that the term "ghetto", when combined with ethnicity does not refer to the economic conditions of a place, but, instead, refers to how a community has made it an area only specific to them with very little sign of integration or involvement from other parts of the overall nation.. Also, I am not too much into religious symbolism and I will be saddened to disagree with you here, because if you look at the history of Spain and Istanbul, there was no animosity toward the Jews or even until recently. It was only until "Islamic socialism" that we started to hate our Jewish brethren. Jews were expelled from Algeria and Libya, as late as the '70s and '80s. Up until the late 60's and 70's, the Jews had been happily living in Karachi and many knew them personally as family friends. They have combined themselves with the "Indian" Jews and live in Israel, a homeland for the Jews. To me, Israel is a place for the peaceful abode for the Jews who have faced persecution across the globe. They can live there if they want, but they don't have to. Therefore, I disagree with the Hudaybiah comparison. I am also not a fan of Nasser, Arafat, Saddam and other clowns who claimed to have empowered their people through dignity and other related reasons only to have later persecuted them through tyranny and other bigoted ideologies like Arabism. The usurped the rights of the Kurds, Turkoman, Berbers and many other communities who had never been forced to give up their identities. Even Salahadin was a Kurd and proudly so. No such acts had taken place in history except for when these socialists came into power. Similarly, I am not a fan of Nehru, Indira or Rajiv, for obvious reasons Nehru was an apologist for Brahmin caste-based discrimination (no different than Arabs discriminating against non-Arabs). Indira made a mockery of the Sikh religious sentiment and Rajiv went into Sri Lanka to destroy a movement they had themselves created. But still, I do not consider India as "infidel" as you have stated. I consider it by far the most delusional and confused nation history has ever seen created on its maps. You might want to look into history and google Jinnah and Periyar to understand how our founding fathers had decided to make this region divided on the basis of the culture that was prevalent in respective regions. Jinnah argued, alongside Periyar that there should be four nations made in the subcontinent. Pakistan, one for Bengalis, one for Tamilians/Dravidians and one for Central Indians, known simply as Hindustan. We see three, but not the fourth that was promised. Periyar's followers burnt the Indian constitution as late as '57 and even now there is unrest. However, the point is that there are cultural differences that exist in each of these nations. The Bengalis could never fit in with the Baluch, Pashtun and Punjabis and separated, rightfully. Just as you have just stated that you're a Mohajir, I am sure you would be aware of the cultural differences among the Muslims of Central/North India and those in the Northwest like what is today known as Pakistan. This region was always different, culturally, than the rest of India. Similarly, the Tamilian/Dravidian Muslim would never assimilate in Pakistan and this is why, he had chosen to suggest that these Muslims align themselves with the majority of that state. There's a lot more to add but you seem to be an educated man that can get his way around the internet to delve into this further. IMHO, Pakistan is not as "Islamic" as the immigrants from India, like Maulana Maududi, Maulana Ilyas, and other Maulanas from RaeBareilly and Deoband have made it. For your people, I would say the immigrants from Lucknow. However, the landscape has changed and sects originating from RaeBareilly (Barelvi) and Devband (Deobandi) have become a reality. Despite immigration from South India, by Christians and Muslims, alike, it is still a little difficult for them to fit in here and the same goes for Bengalis (Alamgir was an economic migrant). Therefore, to me, the Hudaibyah argument does not fit in with Pakistan because it is not anymore Islamic to me as, say, Bangladesh is. We may choose to agree, to disagree here. PS. After the collapse of the car industry, Dearborn might as well be a "ghetto" in the economic sense too. rofl.
truthseeker
Apr 11, 2013 02:52pm
bah bah maajaa aa gaya
Does not matter
Apr 11, 2013 03:05pm
India did get Bangladesh out of Pakistan and could you please let us know how much oppression is being faced by Bangladeshis by the hand of Indians?
SSSToronto
Apr 11, 2013 03:07pm
Dear Dawn Editor, I am amazed at your allowing such rubbish remarks by AbbasToronto and Gotti. Are your moderators asleep? Please do wake up. I never expected to read this kind of diatribe from these two on your very respected newspaper. The article by NFP is stellar. Couldn't we keep it at that?
Bhujang Patil
Apr 11, 2013 03:21pm
1. After independence, USA kept on annexing new states (Some of them are same size or even bigger than Pakistan) while Pakistan had to shed its eastern wing off because half of its population didn't want to associate itself with the present day Pakistan.. 2. USA is a secular democracy, Pakistan is for Muslims by Muslims. 3. USA has produced more Nobel laureates than Pakistan's total number of schools in KP/FATA.
Rudy
Apr 11, 2013 03:30pm
Its funny how you completely skipped the conditions of the Pakistani minorities. As if they have never existed. That would be so convenient right? Practically the last hurdle in creating the beautiful and tolerant Pakistan. Your state of denial is in astronomical proportions.
Concerned Netizen
Apr 11, 2013 03:36pm
Wow! I wish you speedy recovery.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 03:49pm
gotti: Greetings from Dearborn MI Many thanks for your kind words and detailed comment. India is not a subject of interest to me (I did visit it in 1991). Being still in agrarian mode and Bollywood peddling fantasies they are not even aware what is going on in the world. Upon meeting Indians here abroad you immediately realize why we separated. Leave them alone, and I wish they left us alone.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 03:51pm
Jews are pastoral, pre-agrarian.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 03:52pm
I presume in India every day is April 1, LOL
Dr. Qazi
Apr 11, 2013 04:02pm
NFP dear. Good humorous take on serious issues. Congrats. On a serious note, there are two major issues in US Pakistan relations. One on intellectual level and the second on strategic level. -- 1. Intellectual issue is based on the fact that majority of our "daanishwar" personalities have been staunch lefties going all the way back to 1947. Modern day Islamists have picked up the same leftist stance. So nothing new here. -- 2. The second and much more important issue is strategic. While Americans view Pakistan and India as US allies and partners, We the people in Pak and India do not share such optimistic American views about the two of us. Thus any pro-India stance by Americans is viewed as hostile by Pakistanis. Same goes for Indians pushing so hard to win over Americans for good (and thus pushing Pakistan into the American doghouse on permanent basis). -- Pakistani military while dependent on American arms, views (for many right reasons) US-India relations as hostile to Pakistan. While US continues to hope that Pakistan and India will behave as two blood brothers who may have feuded in the past but they should now be fast friends and BOTH cooperating with the US to ensure American hold in the region. -- Americans fail to understand that Pakistanis and Indians cannot be chums given their history. Just like it is very hard for Americans to accept Communist Cuba as a fast friend under the given circumstances. One can easily see that American stance towards Cuba is based on ideological reasons. Similarly it is hard for India and Pakistan to be fast friends due to ideological and historical reasons. This is why Indians will block water in the Indus-river system (starting in 1950s long before Kashmir insurgency), occupy Siachin the middle of Soviet-invasion of Afghanistan when Pakistani army was busy on Western front, and most importantly explode nuclear bombs right next to Pakistani border. This could be the most suitable geological location for India, but as I said, exploding nukes so close to your neighbor's wall will create negative impacts no matter what. -- Americans also fail to understand that Indians cannot consider Pakistanis as their chums in geo-strategic terms. Indians view Pakistan as an illegitimate state unjustly torn off of their motherland, who now is hell bent on challenging Indian control in Kashmir, and pushing trouble makers into India on regular basis (parliament attack, bombay attack and the list goes on). I hope Dawn moderators allow this comment and I hope the readers get some understanding of this complex scenario between three international bedfellows. Thank you
amit (India)
Apr 11, 2013 04:11pm
Could you pass the pipe please.. strong stuff, this....
Concerned
Apr 11, 2013 04:13pm
Stop srying about Balochistan's trouble and go speak to your leaders. Have you seen the houses and cars they keep in Karachi. Dont cry foul play until you can account for the wealth of Baloch leaders. Same goes for people talking about Sindhu Desh, get ur waderas in line first.
kumar
Apr 11, 2013 04:33pm
Pakistan after getting divorce from India try to make up with a rich guy (US), US used pakistan as it pleased to screw USSR in return threw some bones, having failed on this Pakistan is now trying same old game with another rich guy china, everything because Pakistan simply hates her ex husband and still fight custody battle over Kashmir.
Burhan
Apr 11, 2013 04:40pm
PS. The reason I compared us with India because we are in constant awe of them, we are jealous of them and we are obsessed with them.
MI5
Apr 11, 2013 04:47pm
Although this article is meant to be satire and therefore to be taken less seriously, I would caution that there are enough anti-Pakistan forces out there that are doing this sort of thing on a large scale and one should be careful to avoid the same in Papers that are so-called Pakistani papers. Now to present some clarifications about the articles contents, it is true that history paints a horrid picture of what the previous leader of Pakistan have done, however since the day of inception of this religious ideological nation it has faced hurdles, the British made it as difficult as they could for this infant nation and then the better organised and more powerful neighbour India presented real fear amongst the Pakistani leaders and the powers to be and that led to hasty and illogical decisions. They always looked to countries like USA and Saudi Arabia for help, fair dues they should have instead tried to develop the nation to take care of itself by making education the number one priority and to rid itself of all such cultural habits that inhibited equality and fairness. To be honest a nation founded for the sake of Islam ended by only paying lip service to Islam instead of implementation. The only two nations formed on the basis of religion (Pakistan and Israel) around the same time both suffer from the same illness and thus far have not been able to find the right remedy. Living on the mercy of others will always be detrimental to your own interests.
sraz45
Apr 11, 2013 05:01pm
Sharmajee, a myth is not reality, if you get my drift, so don't take Indian mythology too seriously it is still a myth. Get to the present and the future that is all that matters. The 3.3 million deities in Indian mythology are mythical figures or avatars of God as is widely believed.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 05:03pm
.
prashant
Apr 11, 2013 05:13pm
"This is the age of Globalization and Free Trade." So we should all read the same book five times a day of which we do not understand a word because we dont know any arabic...
Krish Chennai
Apr 11, 2013 05:17pm
In short, what you are trying to say is that from now on, Pakistan will show the world how to "live a life", which the US could not get round to doing anytime ever. Not even all Pakistanis can swallow that, for God's sake. So where are the throaty cheers ? Meantime, you great Toronto Guy, what do you have to say about Bangladesh, which has also completed over 40 years of existence ( since you mention a 40 year time-frame in some other ridiculous context in your comment ) ? Please talk sense. If yours is the kind of reaction that the satire of NFP brings up, I am sorry to say, the brilliance of NFP's writing is woefully lost.
khan
Apr 11, 2013 05:19pm
"Pak to the Islamic world is what America is to the Western, the Free World
Anshu
Apr 11, 2013 05:23pm
So Mr abbastoronto and Mr. gotti think Pakistan is next USA. Good for you guys man. No harm dreaming about good days ahead. Hope the ones who have left the dear land of pure will come running back (from Canada and elsewhere) when the the USA of the east is a reality.
Ram
Apr 11, 2013 05:36pm
Wow!!
TahirNY
Apr 11, 2013 06:08pm
and yet you chose to live in Canada!!
Pavas Ambashta
Apr 11, 2013 06:14pm
My God!! Such a long reply!! I thought it to be another article.. :D
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 06:32pm
You maybe in awe, not us. Same the case with the Iranians, Arabs, and Turks until you meet them in person, and realize how they are behind us 200, nay 500 years in freedom of mind.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 06:34pm
USA's century lasted barely 25 years. Islam's century will last forever. Pakistan is simply a leader of this growing camp.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 06:35pm
I do not live in Canada. In the last 20 years Africa, Asia, and US has been home. From next week it will be Montreal for a while. Do you mind?
gotti
Apr 11, 2013 06:39pm
'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it'. Voltaire. Freedom of speech, much?
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 07:19pm
What diatribe? Against whom?
Xain Gardezi
Apr 11, 2013 07:21pm
So another parachas article about sheeps camels and goats.
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 07:43pm
khan sahib: AOA What do the Saudi produce except terrorism? Even oil, they do not manufacture, they just dig it. Pakistan produces ideas. Can you cite me 1 Arab, Turkish, Iranian, Indonesian, or even Indian internationalist as Faiz, Tariq Ali, Eqbal Ahmad, or leaders like Jinnah, the Bhuttos? Have you ever talked face to face to an Indian, an Iranian, a Turk, or an Arab on any topic of general interest? To be a leader you have to be free, and to dare. Our Military is a fine institution, and every time it came to power the people supported it wholeheartedly. What can they do if you produce only corrupt politicians? Do you think it will be different this time?
Hyderabad, India
Apr 11, 2013 07:48pm
Dearborn, MI: The Islamic slum-urb of the down-and-out slumland of USA - Detroit! From where you sit, yeah, Pakistan must look like its beaming its light to the wretched of the world. Do you have throne out there, and a pair of shoes to hang from your ears..? Now, if you will you pass the joint, please....
abbastoronto
Apr 11, 2013 07:50pm
What about Bangladesh? They have their own way of living that was not compatible with Iqbal's vision, so they split. Good for them. There is no "B" in P-A-Ki-S-tan. It was never part of the original plan. Our serious take builds upon the serious take of NFP that you failed to notice behind the funny facade. His articles are to make you think, and if a laugh is only what you get out of it, I understand coming from someone weaned on Bollywood to consider everything as entertainment.
Abhimanyu (India)
Apr 11, 2013 07:57pm
If only you could understand what NFP was trying to tell you through all of his write ups o beacons of future... :-/
Aziz (Hyd, India)
Apr 11, 2013 07:58pm
Will Dawn editors please give Gotti and Abbastoronto (from Dearborn (MI, USA), Asia, Africa and wherever else he claims to be from, a column of their own? It could be about anything - Hinduism, History, Nuclear physics, Pakistani statecraft, American motivations....they seem to know everything about everything and you publish whatever they say although you are pretty discriminating about who you reject (not on NFP's articles though, I will admit). You might as well give them their own space. This is not to condone some of the idiot comments of my countrymen - I'll admit we have more of them here numerically speaking (keeping with the law of statistics).
Yousufzai
Apr 11, 2013 08:20pm
Only one response - LOL
PThind
Apr 11, 2013 08:22pm
Dont worry abbas...your syndrome is common to people who have left their homeland. Some people tend to become racist and delusional so as to feel superior. Hopefully you will get well soon.
kellbell
Apr 11, 2013 08:26pm
AWESOME ARTICLE!!!
Farhaz
Apr 11, 2013 08:26pm
Thanks Dawn team for publishing this article! Just an amazing article from Nadeem again...!
Editor Rupee News
Apr 11, 2013 08:54pm
Paracha: How many Dolllars do you get from the USA to sell your soul every week to Uncle Sam?
Editor Rupee News
Apr 11, 2013 08:57pm
Voltaire? Said my a man who belonged to a country which was massacring the Algerians at the time. Were Algerians not human?
Zak
Apr 11, 2013 09:11pm
Sad to see the writer making light of a nation that has faced hostile enemies and their allies, India and Soviet Union. It has had to face off hostile allies, US. A tough nation that has and will stand up to anything thrown at it and eventually win. The most resilient nation on earth. Kashmir too will gain its freedom from Indian occupation.
Pradip
Apr 11, 2013 09:48pm
What a harangue, John Gotti! At times brilliant, at times delusional!
Zeeshan Shamsi
Apr 11, 2013 11:12pm
Superb NFP, what a treat to read!
irfan
Apr 11, 2013 11:16pm
I would never copy my course assignment like this from internet, which will be boring to read.
Reddy
Apr 11, 2013 11:38pm
LOL.... 2 day dreamers
Ignorant
Apr 12, 2013 12:15am
Oh no now Montreal has to tolerate this guy :)
Ignorant
Apr 12, 2013 12:24am
Ignore and forgive him.. today he is HIGH :)
sri1ram
Apr 12, 2013 01:21am
Very simplistic views Dr. Qazi. India has too many issues of her own to even consider annexing Pakistan and Bangladesh. There may be fringe right-wing groups in India who may pay lip-service to such unification thoughts. but most Indians and Indian leaderships have reconciled to the ground realities and absolutely have no designs over Pakistan or Bangladesh. World history is witness that the Pak army has been the instigator and provocateur in all Indo-Pak wars, but then your army has nicely massaged it into narratives least detrimental to its popularity in Pakistan. If Indians really block water to Pakistan, you will see the effects right from 1950. Starting with the Indus water treaty and others India has been pretty considerate toward an implacable foe that keeps irritating the heck out of it. As the bigger, stronger power, India had the potential to repress and keep Pakistan like the Israelis do to the Palestinians, but its DNA does not allow it to crush its enemies when they are down - say 1971 for instance so much so, that they even allowed it to go nuclear. As an upper riparian, India can actually block all rivers and defy the world, but has it ever done that even during wars? No one wants Pak and India to be chums and fast allies, not USA, not China, not USSR. It is easier to play one against the other and keep suspicions and hostility rife. Anyway, even your army is at last understanding that it is Not India that poses a survival threat to Pakistan, it is their strategic depth militias that will decide that.
Ni M
Apr 12, 2013 03:29am
Sorry to say that analysis like yours is the real issue. According to you, simply follow Islamic tenets and all the problems will be resolved. That is called looking away from the problem or hiding in face of challenges.
omarkc
Apr 12, 2013 03:35am
there are two extremes. one extreme is the conspiracy theorist that doesnt believe the official accounts of any government nor any media person or analyst. the other extreme is the sheep zombie that believes everything they hear from anyone. i think mr peracha, in trying to distance himself from the first extreme has fallen into the second extreme
arbaz
Apr 12, 2013 03:49am
So u r sad to read this thread, coz u can't bear the truth.pakistan is a bagger state of South Asia without any doubt ,,, just try to be a man n face d truth buddy .
vijay
Apr 12, 2013 04:00am
what about Baluchistan?
faisal
Apr 12, 2013 04:22am
reason enough then that religion should not be the basis for forming a nation, no ?
Najam uddin
Apr 12, 2013 04:27am
A self styled marxist,NFP now blowing trumpet & beating drums for American capitalism without mentioning his favourite AAZ who was also benficiary of cushion provided by America.
Omer Zia
Apr 12, 2013 04:54am
Awesome! A disguised message with true intensions of US & Pak. :)
Suleman
Apr 12, 2013 05:02am
Kahan se latey ho sir?
RAW is WAR
Apr 12, 2013 05:10am
lol. great article.
pankaj
Apr 12, 2013 05:19am
I hope you will say the same thing for Balochisthan one day
MOHAMMAD
Apr 12, 2013 05:43am
REALLY GREAT, MASHA-ALLAH. MAY ALLAH BLESS PAKISTANI SCIENTISTS AND ARMY ENGINEERS I love this news. we should be well defended by arms. Development comes only after the country is safe from all threats. WE SALUTE PAK SCIENTISTS AND ARMY. PAKISTAN ZINDABAAD
Capt C M Khan
Apr 12, 2013 05:51am
The women in Pakistan whether of KP or other cities/ministers even Prime minster are being killed day/night. Minorities have all but ceased to exist, the leftist political parties cannot compaign in present elections because of threat by other Pakistanis. The Police is a collaborator of Thievies, the custom/immigration and other government agencies will not work unless share daily collections. There is no Electricty or clean water for 12 hours in a day, no medical care for the poor except Fake ASPIRIN And you write Islam is on a high and compare this to US? SHOCKING. NFP is correct "STONE AGE" that is where we are heading my friend, Bush wanted to take us there in 90 days but Musharraf managed to delay it for 9 years.
Zak
Apr 12, 2013 06:08am
What about Indian occupied Kashmir, Assam, Tripura, Magayar, Sikkim, Khalistan, naxaland, andaman island, nicobar island, Tamil Nadu, and the 4other states in the east- that is 14 states fighting for freedom. Forget Baluchistan , hang on to what you have mate.
Zak
Apr 12, 2013 06:21am
Historian your answer is awesome-thank you.
Zak
Apr 12, 2013 06:31am
Abbastoronto-very true, you are looking in the future which everyone has overlooked and your analysis is brilliant. Pakistan surpasses all the countries in the region , only it's leadership has failed it but the coming elections will change that and put it on the right trajectory.
Shipan
Apr 12, 2013 06:32am
Well said. Nothing could have explained it better.
Arsalan
Apr 12, 2013 06:33am
This is against the ideology of Pakistan or ...
Rafi
Apr 12, 2013 06:33am
And I am a Martian ...
Zak
Apr 12, 2013 06:36am
What about minorities in India.
Shipan
Apr 12, 2013 06:39am
I think the gentleman above, Mr. Kumar explained the complex situation even better. Short, crisp and too to the point.
trex
Apr 12, 2013 06:41am
awesome...hilarious...
tahir
Apr 12, 2013 06:44am
i am in balochistan for the last three years..dude i could not find any traces of occupation..in fact the baloch people want the army to protect them against the terrorist BLA..particularly the poor hazara community who's only hope is Pak Army and not your selfish rich BALOCH landlords! go get a life u renegade!
Rao
Apr 12, 2013 06:57am
How many millions of Pakistani rupees you get from ISI for running Rupeenews website?
concerned
Apr 12, 2013 07:04am
excellent piece of writing. beautiful blend of sarcasm with reality.
deepu
Apr 12, 2013 07:05am
Your knowledge is limited, need to develop reading habit so try something other than urdu press!
U.S. Khan
Apr 12, 2013 07:19am
I think now Kashmir is not a child anymore and mature enough to decide its fate so let it chose to take a side of either daddy India or mama Pakistan or live independently..
Rao
Apr 12, 2013 07:27am
If abbastoronto becomes Pakistan Army Chief, then it will definitely happen.
Rao
Apr 12, 2013 07:29am
No "B" in Pakistan....Then Balochistan should also become like Bangladesh
MJKhan
Apr 12, 2013 07:29am
What about Kashmir ? Over 60 years of occupation .
Naqvi
Apr 12, 2013 07:33am
Chah gaya tha kaar kaay! Amazing! Facts that are hard to digest!
Raoul Ciao
Apr 12, 2013 07:34am
I laughed after rading NFP's article, and I am hysterically still laughing at your comments ! I suppose you are also a great satirist.....in case you meant what you said SERIOUSLY, peace to you, no offence meant...but...I can't stop laughing....;-)
Ghani K
Apr 12, 2013 07:36am
A disgruntled Marxist , here NFP forgets to mention 5 years of PPP & AAZs' rule when Billions of $$$ were dished by US.
Raoul Ciao
Apr 12, 2013 07:40am
mazaak mazaak mein sach bol gaye. Pyaar se churi chalaa gaye....buraa lagaa but maaa bhi aaya. Truth hurts, but can enlighten, provided we are, well, able to see it and appreciate it. Difficult to contemplate the sweep of 60+ years of ideological twists that have made pakistan what it is today...easier to just write or shout Pakistan ZZindaabad and carry on doing the same old nonsense and hope tomorrow will be better. Thanks NFP for truth, even though it may hurt many....
popweasel
Apr 12, 2013 07:46am
pop goes the weasel!!!
Devil
Apr 12, 2013 09:00am
Pakistan expects to receive approximately $20 billion, slurp, slurp
farwa
Apr 12, 2013 09:03am
most entertaining blog i have ever read..awwlaa
Akram
Apr 12, 2013 09:15am
absolutely hilarious, well done NFP... even my Lithuanian colleague laughed.
AP
Apr 12, 2013 09:33am
NFP Saab, Just beautiful... Wish you would also write about the people and their delusions...of how they think they are entitled to a say to the country's affairs because they pay taxes!!! Warm Regards,
Tariq
Apr 12, 2013 10:24am
Besides humor, I never expect that NFP will say this 'The Russian invasion of Afghanistan' It was never an invasion, it's a Western and Mullah propaganda
Aftab
Apr 12, 2013 10:48am
@gotti .... where were you educated ? In General Ziaul Ghaznavi's madrassa ?
Aftab
Apr 12, 2013 11:02am
@ abbastoronto ...... In most of the countries in west, Bakistanis try to pass themselves as Indians. Most of them try to avoid revealing their nationality. By the way, who are Faiz, Tariq Ali, Eqbal Ahmad ? Why do you think anyone outside Bakistan will know them ? Though I do know Abdus Sattar.
Aftab
Apr 12, 2013 11:09am
@ abbastoronto ...... You seem to have lived everywhere except Bakistan..... Don't you see any contradiction in what you say and what you do ? Anyway, seems its time for you to return to the glorious nation.
Burhan
Apr 12, 2013 11:14am
Zakariya ("Zak") and MJ Khan, I would advise you to study the political map of India and the histories of its territories first before putting up obnoxious comments like the ones above. Please expand the horizons of your general knowledge. A Pakistani Urdu daily (as deepu put it above) is not the best source of information. This is the Internet Age. Not the Stone Age. I am rolling on the floor laughing about 'Magayar' (Another name for the Hungarian people) and 'Naxaland'. This proves that Pakistani GK about India is limited to 'IHK', Punjab, 'Dehli', 'Rajistan', UP and 'Mumbay'. Very sad...
Burhan
Apr 12, 2013 11:16am
Sorry, 'Panahgir'. We can't allow that.
Zeeshan Shamsi
Apr 12, 2013 11:37am
Lighten up. The very fact that he writes about difficult subjects makes him a patriot. Take your head out of the orifice where no sun shines.
Zeeshan Shamsi
Apr 12, 2013 11:39am
Even more sad to see that our country has lost its intellectual base to Dubai and Canada, and all that is left is sad and uninformed people, who cannot get beyond the status quote of Cashmere.
Imran A Khan
Apr 12, 2013 12:05pm
Very well written, you are one of the best satirist in Pakistan honestly because the rest are just poser's or perhaps people who love to maintain a double standard life style. "A drone missile destroyed my home work", "an army of T-1000 Terminators," hahahahahahahaha just amazingly written.keep up the good work Janab!!!!
Sanyam
Apr 12, 2013 12:35pm
Brilliant piece of journalism!!!
Texan -usa
Apr 12, 2013 12:56pm
Truth hurts .Remember thousands of your 'Panagirs' ! only country like US would let them settle there.
G.Nabi
Apr 12, 2013 01:01pm
NFP , still pays homage to sickle & hammer flag though it disappeared long ago.
abdul quddous
Apr 12, 2013 01:02pm
Kargil issue is not discussed by NFP.writter pointed out that GEN ZIA took U.S AID and delivre this AID to pakistan military ,gunrunners and to weapon industry in pakistan to fight against soviet,but the writter did not criticise U.S strategic policy and did not compare 1980 to 2001 era.Here i mean to say ,if U.S aided pakistan in 1980 to ruin soviet in afganistan ,then why americans were killing their ''afghani child'' who was fed by them through pakistan.This shows the Dual policy of americans for pakistan''USE AND THROUGH AWAY''.Writter also shows his secular thinking in article.
gp65
Apr 12, 2013 01:26pm
Brilliant. You forgot to mention the American perfidy in Kargil whereby Pakistan lost the war in political backroom that it had won on the battlefield...lol.
lahoriates2013
Apr 12, 2013 02:06pm
True :)
Zee
Apr 12, 2013 02:17pm
Awesome article, very well written.
Mujaahid
Apr 12, 2013 02:20pm
Nadeem has just been lazy, this is a copy-paste from one of his previous works. Hope u get better bro!
hashmi
Apr 12, 2013 02:23pm
A very well written article, the truth is Pakistan has grown larger than its size because of America but unfortunately instead of capitalizing this support we started over evaluating our self .
Parvez
Apr 12, 2013 06:05pm
The US-Pakistan relationship drama for want of a better word, is staged for a single audience and that is the Pakistani people and is staged in Pakistan, the American people give a flying fiddle. The actors are all Pakistani while the producer, director, script writer down to the spot-boy are all American. The beauty of the drama is that the audience is allowed in free but after each show they realise that they come out poorer, but since it's free they keep coming back for more. NFP is brilliant as usual.
Ishaq
Apr 12, 2013 06:13pm
Great work
Zak
Apr 12, 2013 07:15pm
Goti your explanation is 100% spot on, fantastic analysis. Educating the Indians. Thank you on their behalf
Zak
Apr 12, 2013 07:33pm
Got I-you are absolutely right.
Zak
Apr 12, 2013 07:49pm
70% of bangladeshis debt is owed to India, they are economically oppressed, that's why India forced BD to cancel gas exploration deal with Vietnam and forced an Indian company. BD is still resisting but shk hasina's, India's puppet does their bidding.
Rahut
Apr 12, 2013 09:18pm
Yes 60 years of Pakistani occupation.
abbastoronto
Apr 12, 2013 10:12pm
LOL. Sure.
umer
Apr 13, 2013 07:13am
Pakistan military is US ally. Pakistani people are anti-US. These two statements are at odds or are they?
UmairR
Apr 13, 2013 08:58am
amazing, literally