Dear Auntie,

I am writing to you because I feel completely paralysed by my past and don’t know how to move forward. Over the last couple of years, I have faced major setbacks, including academic failures and sporting losses. I have also made mistakes that I deeply regret, which keep replaying in my head, and this has shattered my confidence.

But the greatest burden I am carrying is the loss of my grandmother. She was like a mother to me and my greatest source of support. Ever since she passed away, I have felt completely empty and lost. I feel like losing my anchor has contributed to my struggles in academics and sports. Now, the grief, regret and disappointment are keeping me stuck in the past.

‘I Feel Lost After My Grandmother’s Death’

I want to move forward, rebuild my self-esteem and make her proud, but I don’t know how to begin healing. How do I cope with the loss of the person who meant everything to me? How do I forgive myself for my mistakes and find the strength to start over when I feel so alone?

Grieving and Stuck

Dear Grieving and Stuck,

Losing the person who was your mother figure and also your greatest source of support can leave an enormous void. You have lost the person who made you feel secure and understood, so it is no surprise that you are struggling to find your footing without her.

But try not to see every setback as proof that you have failed. Grief can affect your motivation and confidence. Your struggles in academics and sports may be linked to your grief, but they do not define your abilities or how your future will pan out.

In your email you mention mistakes you regret. We all make mistakes, some of which are more serious than others. If there is a way to make amends, take it. However, if you cannot undo what happened, you should learn from it and allow yourself to move forward. Replaying the past endlessly will not change it; it will only keep you from engaging with the present.

Since you want to make your grandmother proud, you can perhaps begin by asking yourself what she would have wanted you to do. Would she want you to punish yourself for the rest of your life, or would she want you to pick yourself up and try again? It is a better idea to honour her memory by living according to what she taught you, rather than expecting yourself to become successful overnight.

You can start small by setting small achievable goals for your studies, returning to sports at your own pace and spending time with the people you trust. If your grief continues to leave you feeling stuck, consider speaking to a therapist. You will probably always miss your grandmother. Moving ahead with your life does not mean that you are leaving your grandmother behind. It means learning to carry her love with you as you build a life of your own.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately. Auntie will not reply privately to any query.
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auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, October 18th, 2026