I WAS surprised to find the cinema was showing Celine Song’s The Materialists last month, because the movie didn’t spell superstar or superhero blockbuster. I haven’t understood how we choose which films to screen or for how long so my guess was that someone loved Song’s first film Past Lives so much they decided to push The Materialists through the censors. And I’m glad they did because it was not a typical rom-com. It was, however, about a still typical issue: should we marry for love or money?

Did the movie answer that question? Since it’s now streaming on Netflix, I won’t give anything away other than to say like her first film, TheMaterialists, too, has a love triangle, but in this case, there’s no chemistry between the actors. The matchmaker Lucy has to decide between suave Harry (rich) and her ex-partner, the struggling actor John (poor). Against this backdrop are conversations about what marriage means; if it’s nothing more than a financial transaction and if relationships between similar backgrounds or shared qualities, work best.

Back in the day, our families played a big role in deciding the fate of their children and sometimes tied that into their businesses. Will the boy be able to financially provide for his wife and children and will the wife provide a stable home to enable the boy to earn? A lot of the traditional roles vanished over the years — thank you, first wave feminism — only to resurface now in countries like the US where a decline in marriage rates over the last two decades has caused alarm to conservatives. They are pushing the concept of ‘tradwife’, a traditional wife who is a homemaker foremost. In policy, it comes in the form of redefining marriage to the old days — between a man and woman — and controlling a woman’s reproductive rights so she can have babies and keep the capitalist flame alive.

Closer to home, attitudes towards marriage have shifted insofar as we’re not really asking if a marriage was arranged or love. But weddings remain a huge industry that employs innumerable people across fashion, hospitality, entertainment, tourism and, of course, the aunty gossip brigade. I fell off my chair recently when I heard designers can charge Rs4,500,000 for a bridal outfit which will be worn once.

Nothing frightens society more than women exercising choice.

Sure, there are women who only dream of marriage but I’m coming across more single women who are not pushed or rushed. The gap between men and women’s financial wealth has closed so marriage isn’t the only goal. Women are pushing back against traditional gender roles and men want their wives to work and contribute to their financial future. Attitudes towards divorce have also changed. A couple will not stay together for the sake of the children, which is a good thing because children do not benefit from living with unhappy parents.

When I returned to Pakistan to teach in 2017, I was pleasantly surprised to hear women were using online dating apps. Robots had replaced the rishta aunty and I think that’s a sign of progress — women taking charge of their lives, fully. And they aren’t finding men up to the mark. You only have to see how men are handling this rejection — with anger and violence, in reel and real life. Umar Hayat was slighted after being rejected by TikToker Sana Yousuf so he allegedly murdered her in June. She’s not the only woman killed for her social media use.

At least 700 women were murdered in the first six months of this year according to the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan. A quarter of those deaths were so-called honour crimes.

Earlier this mon­th, TikToker Sami­­ya Hij­ab posted CCTV vid­eo footage showing a man attempting to kidnap her. He had been harassing her for some time, not taking no for an answer, and she was worried she would meet the same fate as Sana Yousuf. After that video, police in Islamabad ar­­rested the man. But not every woman is an influencer who can use her platform to get help.

This is just a glimpse into what it is like to be a young woman trying to live her own life in Pakistan. Nothing frightens society more than women exercising choice. Due to economic conditions, shifting gender roles and exposure to different cultures, young people don’t really view marriage the same way their elders did. I’m happy to hear marriage is more about companionship than furthering business interests. In this way The Materialists explores how capitalism has a strong hold on how we view love and marriage. The cynics recognise the transactional aspect of marriage but aren’t willing to settle so quickly.

I discussed TheMaterialists with a young woman who had seen it too and she said it made her realise that “marriage cannot be at the expense of my happiness”.

The writer is a journalism instructor.

X: LedeingLady

Published in Dawn, September 14th, 2025