Sociotropy, widely known as people-pleasing, is a personality trait that has existed in a lot of people from the beginning of time. Such people tend to seek approval and liking from others and are vulnerable to rejection. They strive to make everyone around them happy, sometimes even people they are not familiar with. They usually prioritise others’ needs and desires over theirs. Such individuals are called ‘people pleasers’.

What essentially makes one a people pleaser? Well, a person tends to seek validation from others usually when they have a strong fear of being rejected. They act upon others’ opinions instead of their own, just to conform and be liked. Being overly empathetic can also make one a people pleaser since they are compassionate and have the urge to alleviate others’ hardships.

In other cases, a person feels pressured to ensure that everyone is content with them and starts measuring their worth according to what others think of them. Such a person also faces difficulty in saying ‘no.’ They are afraid of disappointing others, and so, they concur to assist everyone, making them a people pleaser.

When asked for help, they may find it difficult to refuse — usually not because they want to, but because they have to. An empathetic person may feel guilty for potentially causing someone distress, so, despite knowing that they have their own tasks due, they agree to do favours for others. They help beyond their boundaries. They do not just help others with their tasks, but also prioritise what other people want over their own needs. This is not just about some errands, they prioritise ‘others’ over ‘themselves’. This can perhaps be a blow to their self-worth.

When a person is determined to please someone, they often go above and beyond to satisfy and impress them. However, failing to do so or not receiving the same effort in return can have a negative impact, leaving them with self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. This can lead to self-deprecation and a lack of confidence.

So, if you are someone who constantly seeks others’ validation or prioritises others’ wants over your own, it’s important to recognise the signs that indicate others are not valuing your feelings. This is where you need to draw the line and start valuing yourself. Setting healthy boundaries and acknowledging your own worth can help you regain confidence and prevent the cycle of self-doubt. Remember, your feelings and needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

Being empathetic is an admirable virtue but, one should not assert their own needs for others. Moreover, knowing yourself is crucial. One should be able to identify their strengths and weaknesses themselves. No one has the right to label you and you should not rely on someone else’s opinions about yourself, especially people, whose validation becomes your utmost priority and who, in turn, do not acknowledge and respect your actions.

Lastly, learn to say ‘no’, when you know you won’t be able to fulfil others’ demands or help them the way they want. It is neither discourteous nor inconsiderate. It is a right every individual owns. So, fearing that you might offend others is pointless.

Published in Dawn, Young World, March 22nd, 2025