Hello Auntie Agni,
I’ve recently completed my graduation and I’ve been in a complicated relationship for the last three years with a girl that is really caring. However, she cheated on me last year. After two months, I gave her another chance because she was crying in front of me and my heart melted.

Now, not even a year has passed and she has cheated on me again. But this time what was shocking was how she managed multiple boyfriends at once. I sadly left everything for her — my family, career, friends and my dignity. I gave her everything and I am badly addicted to her.

Now I am helpless and she doesn’t allow me to move on, and she always disturbs me with texts and calls. I have blocked her many times but, unfortunately, she still approaches me. She still wants to have me in her life — but along with that boyfriend. I am totally helpless and depressed about what to do. I have discussed this many times with her but she always hurts me and is still hurting me. I need your perspective.
Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,
You have been through a lot, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling helpless and depressed. Please know that you deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and loyalty in all your relationships. No one should be manipulating your feelings or using you for their selfish purposes. The positive in your situation is that you are finally able to see the toxic patterns in this relationship and are ready to do something about them.

‘I’m Addicted to a Cheater’

It is fairly clear by now that this girl is not going to change anytime soon. It is okay to give people the benefit of the doubt when they do something once. However, if they display that toxic behaviour again, you can be fairly sure that it is going to happen again, and then again. This girl is capable of cheating and then coming crying to you to get back into the relationship. Possibly convincing you that she didn’t know what she was doing.

She knew exactly what she was doing when she was cheating. And she will do it again. But you need to get as far away from her as possible before that happens.

It is now time for you to start thinking about yourself and prioritising your own wellbeing and mental health. You have to set firm boundaries with this girl. Your interaction with her is harmful to you and so you need to limit or cut off communication with her. I would encourage you to cut it off, because manipulators are really good at sneaking their way back into a relationship, whenever they see even the slightest chance. Surround yourself with friends and family members that care about you and love you during this difficult phase in your life.

Consider seeking professional help to process your emotions and get clarity on how to best move forward. A trained therapist can provide you with tools and strategies to cope with your addiction to her and empower you to regain control of your life.

Focus on taking care of yourself and rebuilding your life without the toxicity of this girl. You deserve a loving and healthy relationship built on trust, mutual respect and genuine love.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 31st, 2024

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