Dear Auntie,
I am reaching out to you as a concerned single mother in need of assistance with multiple challenges I am currently facing.

First and foremost, I want to address the strain in my relationship with my husband, who has been living abroad for over 12 years now. While I have supported his goals and dreams, the focus on material possessions has become a source of tension between us. Despite his efforts to provide for us financially, the distance and differing priorities have made it difficult for us to maintain a strong connection as a family.

Furthermore, I am experiencing difficulties in parenting my 2.8-year-old son, who has been displaying signs of aggression, particularly since the arrival of our newborn daughter. Despite my efforts to prioritise quality time with both children and limit screen time, I am struggling to manage his behaviour and find myself reacting in ways that I later regret.

Additionally, my attempts to communicate these challenges to my husband have been met with defensiveness and avoidance. His upbringing in a traditional parenting environment, and time abroad, have influenced his approach to fatherhood, leading to a lack of support for my concerns.

‘I find it difficult to cope as a single mother’

As I contemplate the prospect of relocating to be with my husband, I am torn between providing my son with a father figure and the fear of uprooting him from the loving support of our family here. Moreover, the decision to have a second child was influenced by my husband’s concerns about our son’s isolation abroad, further complicating our family dynamics.

In light of these challenges, I have sought therapy to address my own emotional well-being, but financial constraints have limited my access to consistent support. I am reaching out in the hope of finding guidance in navigating these complex issues and making decisions that are in the best interest of my children.

Sincerely,
Depressed Mother.

Dear Depressed Mother,

Your situation is complex and is creating an emotional toll on you. I would suggest you consider writing a letter to your husband expressing your feelings in detail. Share your concerns about the focus on material possessions and the impact it is having on your family’s connection.

For your son’s behaviour, you seem to be on the right track and should continue prioritising quality time and limit screen exposure. It would also be a good idea to find and read parenting resources, or consult with professionals who can provide guidance on managing aggression in young children. Patience is crucial, as is self-awareness, which will help you acknowledge the role you play in the situation.

Navigating communication with your husband can be challenging, but persistence is key. Encourage honest conversations, focusing on understanding each other’s perspectives. If possible, involve a mediator or counsellor to facilitate discussions and, hopefully, create a more supportive environment for both of you.

As for relocation, you should weigh the pros and cons carefully. Consider the impact on your son’s relationship with his father versus the support system he currently has. Talk to your husband about the potential move and find common ground that prioritises the wellbeing of your children.

Therapy can be expensive but, if you find the right professional, it is a good idea to invest in your mental health. Professional support can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.

Remember, you’re not alone in facing these challenges. Reach out to friends and family for understanding and encouragement. Reflect on your values and priorities to guide your decisions, and don’t hesitate to seek professional advice when needed.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 3rd, 2024