Hey Auntie,
How are you? I am 15, and I wanted some advice from you because you’re so good at it.
So basically, it’s about my mom. She has put a parental control app on my mobile phone and I can’t do anything on it except for studying or maybe talk to my friend for an hour. Every time I use my phone, it should just be for the purpose of studying. She turns it on at 11am and turns it off at 7pm. And, in between, she sometimes locks the phone up so I can’t use it.
She doesn’t understand that setting a limit will only make me want to use it as much as possible. I need to test my limits myself. If I won’t fall, how will I learn to get up? I’m not allowed anything.
No socials, no nothing! My grades are not the best, but not bad either. They’re mostly a B+ or A. All my friends have socials and, because I don’t, we can’t talk much. Now I have started losing my friends. Please help.
Trapped and Confused
‘My mom controls my phone’
Dear Trapped and Confused
Sigh. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone writes to me about their phone addiction. My love, you have a wise mother who is keeping an eye on you, and hats off to her for making that effort to keep you away from addictions and other bad habits. So many lost children have no one who cares enough to watch out for them. Yes, all of us learn from our mistakes, but thank God for parents who help guide us through our initial years before we set out on our own in life. You might not understand this today, but you will someday, when you have children of your own.
Your mother does understand mobile phones and knows they ought to be used with caution. Our phones are simply tools that can be used for both good and bad. By controlling it your mother is ensuring, as far as possible, that you only use it for a positive purpose. I know you find it annoying, but it is for your own good. I can’t say it enough: be grateful you have a mother who is aware and who cares.
Also, since you are 15 years old, the SIM in your phone is in your parents’ name. Also, they bought you the phone so, technically, the phone you think is yours, is actually theirs. So they can do whatever they want with it, because you are a minor. And since they are responsible for you, they can set whatever rules they want.
If you want your parents to trust you, abide by the rules and never break them. So, no sneaking the phone when they are not looking, and no trying to bypass the app to access forbidden content. Hand back the phone when the time is up and do not abuse the privilege. Yes, having a phone at 15 is a privilege. I know it may seem like everyone your age has uncontrolled access to their phone, but that’s probably only true for your social circle.
If you still want to negotiate rules with your parents, they might be more open to doing so if you show that you are responsible and can be trusted by sticking to all the rules they have set down. However, I don’t know your mother, so there are no guarantees that this will happen.
As for your social life, your real friends will always understand that your parents are strict about phones and it is what it is. Phone or no phone, real friends will stick by your side. Does that leave very few people that you can call friends? Great. Real friends are rare!
Trust me, the hours you spend mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and Facebook, looking at your friend’s meals or cat pictures, are better spent engaging in some healthy activity such as reading a book, exercising, and even talking face to face with others, including your parents. Try it.g
Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com
Published in Dawn, EOS, November 7th, 2021
