Dear Khalajaani,
I am a girl who wants to be a chef and an author, but my parents want me to become a doctor, specifically a heart surgeon. Although I want to make them proud, I feel that if I don’t pursue my dreams now, it might be too late. What should I do?
Destined Cook

Dear Destined Cook,
My love, only you can take the decision about your career path. Even if you think your parents are taking that decision for you, actually you are taking the decision to go along with what your parents decide.

What we can do here is to look at your options.

Now if you really, really want to be a chef, I suggest you visit a restaurant kitchen and see how things happen in your possible future workplace. If you know someone who works in a restaurant or who owns one, request them to let you visit and observe it. It is not easy to work in a professional kitchen.

Also it is only a lucky few who are able to become celebrity chefs and make a really good living. Like in many other fields, a lot of chefs don’t get very far. So do your research, go behind the scenes and talk to chefs to find out more about this career path.  And more importantly, contemplate about whether this is really what you want to do.

‘My parents don’t approve of my career choices’

A career as an author is also not that straightforward. Very successful authors often treat it as a job. So, even if they are working from home, they have to shut the door and write through their working hours. Also, there is no guarantee that your masterpiece will do well and help you earn a living. On the flipside, a career as an author definitely offers more flexibility than a heart surgeon’s life and, if you become successful, I can imagine that it would be a life to aspire to.

As for becoming a heart surgeon, if you really like this career path and are good at biology, physics and chemistry, then by all means pursue it. But if you are not too keen on the idea and are only heading in that direction to please others, stop and seriously think about what you are doing.

Also to all the parents out there who are reading this, please only encourage your child to become a doctor if they have a real interest in the subject. If they don’t want to be a doctor, they will not do a good job and will not be successful. Do you want to go to a cardiac surgeon who is not interested in their work? Does anyone?

To be honest, I would be scared to go under the knife of a heart surgeon who isn’t interested in his patients or his job! Stop putting pressure on your children to take on professions they don’t want to pursue and waste your energy, money and everyone’s time. Becoming a doctor is not just a job. It is a lifetime commitment and a very serious business. Only those who are extremely serious about using their expertise and constantly upgrading their skills to save people’s lives should do it.

This is not about beaming with pride while you tell your relatives and friends about how ‘successful’ your children are. If they don’t like what they are doing, if they are burdened by it, they are not successful, no matter how much money they are making.

As for you, if your parents will be paying the bills for your higher education, then you might have a limited choice about the careers you can pursue. Usually the person who controls the purse strings decides what goes.

So I strongly suggest you do your research about future career paths. Then decide if you still want to become a chef and an author and, finally, sit down and talk to your parents and see where it goes. I wish you the best of luck in whatever path you decide to pursue.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 18th, 2021