Hello Auntie, I am a guy who has fallen in love. I have even sent my parents to the girl`s house with the proposal; however, my mother was always against it from the start since the girl does not live in a very posh area of the city. I have no issues with this as I am a strong believer that marriages are all about being comfortable with your partner.

I am very comfortable with her and love her dearly. Her family background, area of residence and such things do not matter to me. After many discussions and convincing last week my parents visited her place to fix my marriage. Since the very next day my mother has been quite emotional and is constantly convincing me day in and day out how she is not the right match for me and how my life will become a mess if I marry her. I have tried everything to convince her, yet her mind does not budge.

I am now at a point in my life where I am quite confused about which side to take.

Since I do not plan on leaving my parents after marriage, I cannot simply marry without their approval. I love the girl a lot and cannot leave her too.

I feel that if I agree to my parent`s wishes and leave her, I will just be encouraging the typical Pakistani mindset of judging people based on their backgrounds. I know her inside out and I know she will fit perfectly into my life.

Please advice as to what I should do? Stay or leave as I don`t know if my parents will ever be convinced? Awaiting your reply.

Anonymous Dear Anonymous If your mother had another reason for rejecting your girlfriend, such as she is rude to you or has bad manners or doesn`t respect you, Auntie would suggest that you reconsider your choice of partner. However, in this case your mother`s concerns regarding the girl are invalid and I agree with you that judging people based on their backgrounds is unfair. Thank you for saying it.

Honestly, if you like the girl and she likes you and you think she is the right partner for you then sit your mother down and have a calm chat with her. Explain to her that you are very serious about the girl and it would make you very happy if she (your mother) accepted that and was happy for you. Hear her concerns out too and address the valid ones where required.

After you get married you will be bringing your wife home, so you have to be absolutely sure about what you are doing. I sense that you still have some doubts about your decision.

So it is very important at this point that you do some soul-searching about what you are doing. Marriage is not to be taken lightly. The vast majority of people get married for life.

While no one can predict what will happen in the future, at this point you have to be totally convinced about what you are doing. This means that you have to be willing to stand up for your wife in case anyone in your family is less than nice or kind to her. This is not always easy and don`t forget to be nice and kind when you do stand up for your spouse but it is necessary. In fact, let`s go a step further and say that you have to be strong enough to stand up for what is right in any situation, regardless of whether it is your parents or your wife who is in the wrong.

Best of luck! Auntie will not reply privately to any query.

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