Hi Auntie,
I am a regular reader of your advice page and a big fan of your instinct, deep insight and understanding.

I met a girl at work who soon became a good friend. We used to work together and discuss different issues of mutual interest. She trusted me a lot, called me regularly and we shared advice on personal matters. We had a great time together. She told me that her future fiancé (she is not engaged yet), had studied in the same university.

She is around 28 years of age. After I counselled her to sit for a competitive examination, she left the job to prepare for it. Now she is not responding to my calls or messages.

‘My friend has blocked my number’

I neither want to leave my friend nor do I want someone (even her future fiancé) to misuse her for his malafide intentions (I came across some chat history between the two). The guy perhaps want to seduce her. She has associated with him since university times. I don’t know how to save her. It’s been a long time since I last spoke to my friend.

I tried connecting with her many times but she has blocked my number. Please advise whether I leave it to her fate. Or do I keep on messaging her with what is right or wrong for her? What should I do?
Regards,
Saviour

I tried connecting with her many times but she has blocked my number. Please advise whether I leave it to her fate. Or do I keep on messaging her with what is right or wrong for her? What should I do?

Dear Don’t-Save,
Stop trying to ‘save’ this girl. She is a 28-year-old adult woman who has not asked for your help. From your letter it is clear that she is an ambitious woman who is working and wants to get somewhere in life. As women come into their power and are changing the world, they don’t always need a man or anyone else to take care of them and guide them.

In fact if you or anyone else is looking to ‘save’ anyone else, then perhaps you need saving yourself. Many times (but not always) people who set out to ‘help’ others in difficult situations do so to feel superior to them. This stems from the ‘helper’s’ own sense of insecurity. In a twisted way, they want to feel superior to someone and in this case it is the woman.

Many times (but not always) people who set out to ‘help’ others in difficult situations do so to feel superior to them. This stems from the ‘helper’s’ own sense of insecurity.

Your friend seems quite content in her relationship with her friend. Even if you think he has malafide intentions or they have a messy relationship, she seems okay with him, so back off. Stop messaging her and use that time to honestly examine your own reasons for wanting to save her. She doesn’t want to deal with you and in all honesty your attempts to get in touch with her sound stalkerish.

You are trying to sympathise with her. Stop and try empathy instead. How would you like a stalker in your life? You wouldn’t right?

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 23rd, 2018