In a startling development that is certain to shake the very foundations of political discourse and practice in Pakistan, the leaders of the country’s three biggest political parties convened a press conference last week to announce their immediate resignations. Mian Mohamed Nawaz Sharif, President PML-N; Mr Asif Ali Zardari, Co-Chairman PPP; and Mr Imran Khan, Chairman, Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf, conveyed this decision via a joint statement on the occasion.

The announcement was followed by a brief but equally unexpected statement from the Chief of Army Staff.

A pensive Mr Khan addressed the press corps on behalf of the three leaders and said that this momentous decision had been taken by them in the interest of the country after much deliberation and soul-searching.

“Pakistan finds itself at a crossroads, once again. The path we tread will only lead to extinction. We cannot afford to go on like this. With this mind, I would now like to read our joint statement,” said Mr Khan.

“Certain recent events have brought to light the dire situation our society finds itself in. As politicians, it is incumbent upon us to try our best to rectify some of the ills we see afflicting our polity. We now realise that our presence in the political arena has not helped alleviate the problems we face. In fact, in many instances, our presence has exacerbated issues. Despite our best intentions, we have not led as we should have and have bungled numerous chances for principled decision-making.

“Consequently, we hereby tender our resignations with immediate effect and leave it to the ordinary workers of our respective parties to elect a successor.

“We realise that the country is in too precarious a position to be left to the whims of selfish individuals. The pledges we made to the nation in the 2013 election must now be honoured. Our party manifestos promised a great deal. We appreciate that delivering on all the promises might not be possible. Therefore, we have each decided to commit ourselves to one particular claim listed in our manifestos and we pledge to make good on it.

“My party’s manifesto talks about our agenda of resurgence which ‘articulates the long neglected aspirations of our people and spells out the vision of a modern Islamic republic that advocates tolerance, moderation and freedom to practice the religion of one’s choice.’ Allow me to repeat the last part of the sentence: ‘freedom to practice the religion of one’s choice.’ I find my own efforts in ensuring this rather disappointing. I hereby publicly commit to focusing solely on this issue with every fibre of my being.

Pakistan finds itself at a crossroads, once again. The path we tread will only lead to extinction. We cannot afford to go on like this. With this mind, I would now like to read our joint statement,” said Mr Khan.

“Similarly, one of the PPP’s electoral pledges as listed in its manifesto was to ‘foster a just society free from discrimination against women and minorities.’ Like myself, Mr Zardari, too, is disappointed in himself for not doing all he could have in this regard. He sincerely believes that mealy-mouthed responses that lack courage can only serve us ill. I am delighted to share that Mr Zardari has pledged to making sure that our children inherit a society free from all forms of discrimination. 

“The 2013 election manifesto of Mian Sahib’s party, PML-N, ‘declares unequivocally that it rejects militancy and extremism, while condemning terrorism, in all its forms and manifestations. There is no justification for acts of violence, irrespective of any pretext or provocation.’ Mian Sahib has, therefore, decided to dedicate the rest of his life to ensuring that extremism and militancy are wiped off from every corner of this land.

“We take this opportunity to thank the nation for its generosity towards us and seek its forgiveness in matters where we have been a source of disappointment and discontent,” said Mr Khan.

The army chief, who was present throughout the event, also addressed the media following Mr Khan’s statement. “I would like to request every Pakistani to appreciate the predicament we find ourselves in today. This is a crucial time for our country and it is vital that we learn to play the role we have been assigned by our constitution. I wish to repeat here the oath I have sworn as an army officer so that I may reinforce its importance to members of the armed forces and our supporters among the civilians: ‘I do solemnly swear that I will bear true faith and allegiance to Pakistan and uphold the Constitution of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan which embodies the will of the people, that I will not engage myself in any political activities whatsoever and that I will honestly and faithfully serve Pakistan in the Pakistan Army (or Navy or Air Force) as required by and under the law.’

“I thank you for your attention,” said the general, concluding the proceedings.

Meanwhile, in another startling development, the sun rose from the West this morning.

Farid Alvie was born. He currently lives.
He tweets @faridalvie.

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 30th, 2017