There was a time when the duo of Abbas-Mastan was one of the most sought-after directors in Bollywood. They made the super-hit Baazigar with Shah Rukh Khan and gave a new lease of life to Bobby Deol’s career with Soldier, Ajnabee and Humraaz. Unfortunately, in the last 10 years or so they have done nothing of note except introducing a franchise Race, copying The Italian Job as Players and launching comedian Kapil Sharma as a film actor in Kis Kis Ko Pyar Karoon.

It has to be said that with their latest film Machine they have hit rock-bottom. The movie introduces Abbas’ son as the male protagonist. He comes across as a mixture of Fardeen Khan, Bobby Deol and Saif Ali Khan — when they were all at the start of their film careers. As far as the storyline is concerned, well, there’s a greedy ‘guardian’ just as in Khiladi, there are fast cars that remind you of Race, a twin sibling known to no one, and a son on the revenge path just like SRK in Baazigar.

The film ranks below Abbas-Mastan’s Tarzan, and that had a car which possessed the soul of the driver’s father! Here there is no ghost but, trust me, had there been one people would have found that more interesting.

Machine begins with a rich girl Sara (Kiara Advani) donating most of her money to charity. In the first few minutes of the film, you learn that she loves racing, has a bestie called Aditya (Eshan Shankar) and is loved by all, including two students in her group.

Bad acting, a clichéd storyline and average production values make this a forgettable experience

After a Jadoo Teri Nazar kind of a sequence where she is showered with poems and gifts followed by some tragic moments, she finds true love in Ransh (Mustafa Abbas), who wins over her father with his amiable disposition. No one knows that Ransh is on a mission to destroy two families. One twist after another and you get to know that there is more to it than meets the eye … and those who were presumed dead aren’t so.

There is nothing to write home about the actors who have debuted in Machine. Mustafa is a big disappointment despite having the most scenes. He remains expressionless throughout. If he wants to appear in his father’s next production, he must improve his acting skills and pronunciation. Eshan Shankar as the second hero reminds you of Manik Irani who used to ace playing the villain’s henchman in the ’70s and ’80s. Abbas-Mastan regulars Johnny Lever, Sharad Saxena and Dalip Tahil are wasted in minor roles. The only person who doesn’t disappoint is Ronit Roy.

It is only because of Kiara Advani’s acting that one should go and watch Machine. She reminds you of a younger Deepika Padukone. Sadly, her character is dead for most part of the second half of the movie, so you have to bear Mustafa and Co.

Then there are the songs in the first half. It seems as if you’re watching a geetmala, not a film. There are two remixes in the soundtrack — Chatur Naar and Tu Cheez Barri Hai — and neither of them are Hoshyaar or Mast Mast.

The last few minutes of the film are spent telling the audience why the project was named Machine. By then no one’s interested.

Published in Dawn, ICON, April 2nd, 2017