EVER wondered what your kitty thinks about you?

She is painstakingly breaking one egg at a time to add to her cake batter. I like the simple buttery pound cake she makes. Well, simply because it tastes of butter and, quite honestly, I like butter.

She separates the yolks from the whites. Whisks them separately, then adds them to the main mush she calls ‘batter’. I yawn. I’m getting bored of this performance. I jumped up on the kitchen counter when she took some milk and butter out of the fridge.

I sat there with my tail neatly curled up around me so, careful as not to knock over any bowls or mess up her spoons, in the hope that I might get a lick or two of butter and a drop or two of milk when she lovingly dips her finger in and let me enjoy a divine lick; as she always does.

Suddenly, I feel sleepy as this cake-making business seems to carry on forever. I wonder why humans are so fussy with their food. Why don’t they just open a tin of tuna and eat it up like they feed us?

Sometimes I wonder if my human is just a huge, unhostile cat. Although, must say, we are way superior. We jump up so gracefully from the floor to a shelf or a higher surface full of breakable, fragile objects without knocking one thing over. But my human is so clumsy; she trips over me when I am lying peacefully on the floor.

There are some more differences that we cats and you humans have, but we have learnt to live with them. I simply don’t understand her love for taking ‘selfies’ with her mobile phone and when sometimes she wants to include me. When I don’t obey her and go up to her when she is smiling into her phone camera, the smile turns into a grimace; and she bends down and whips me up in one smooth movement. Before I can say ‘mmehh’, I land on her shoulder and I am pressed close to her face for a ‘me and my loving cat’ picture.

But I am a cat and I don’t feel like posing for ‘pics’ so I struggle and stick a claw of two out and “Ouch!” she says. The next minute I am shaking myself on the floor and walking away.

“Mean cat!” I hear on my way out of the room. Well, we don’t like selfies! Take my picture when I’m groomed and lying luxuriously sprawled on the couch; but she doesn’t quite get it.

The other day I couldn’t help getting in the way when she was wrapping up a gift for her mum. I can’t resist the shiny, crumply paper and those ribbons and bows that so remind me of mice tails; that I keep pouncing on her things, run off with her reel of sticky tape or paw at the paper when it rustles.

“What is your problem?” she asked, totally irritated.

I blinked back at her, pulling my cutest face. What’s your problem, I’d like to ask her. Why go through the trouble of wrapping a gift when you can present it as it is!

I really don’t understand humans at times. Remember when I killed a cockroach in the bathroom and brought it to her that instant, when it was still wriggling? That was my gift presented most lovingly, but she ran away shrieking. Hmmph, funny humans!