Hello Auntie,

I am a teenager and my father has divorced my mother. Now, my grandmother wants him to get married but I am against the marriage, as I don’t want any fuss again in my home. She thinks I want someone who will love me, but I don’t need or want anyone except the people whom I have now (my father). I don’t like being mothered by someone who is not my mother. My grandmother is currently looking for women who can marry my father. I don’t want people to gossip about my father or say things about me like “look, she is not her real mother.” I am unable to stop my grandmother. What should I do?

Worried Daughter

Dear Worried Daughter,

My heart goes out to you, love. It seems like your parents went through a painful divorce and it is understandable that the thought of another major shake-up in the family feels scary and overwhelming to you. Those feelings are completely understandable. When a family has already been through one very difficult situation, the children hold on to whatever remnant of stability remains.

But it is important to look at this from another point of view. I don’t think your grandmother is looking for a wife for your father because she thinks you need a new mother. She is probably looking at this as a mother who is worried about her son. Your parents are your parents for life and they worry about their children even when they are grown. Your grandmother is probably looking at her son and thinking that she doesn’t want him to spend the rest of his life alone.

Of course that doesn’t mean that your feelings are any less important. I think you should go to your father and tell him honestly that the idea of him marrying someone makes you anxious and that you don’t want to lose your place in his life. Tell him that you are worried about how your life will change once a new partner becomes part of the family. But focus on your fears, instead of making demands or accusations.

As for your fear about people finding out about your father’s remarriage and gossiping about it, let’s get one thing clear: people gossip about everything. The fact is that people will find something to talk about whether your father marries or not. You cannot worry away your life wondering about what some distant khala, mamoon, phuppo or the neighbours might say.

The issue is not what people will think. The real issue is whether your father would be happier if he remarried and whether a new person entering the family would treat you with kindness and respect. Also, remember that a stepmother will not automatically replace your mother. Nobody can take your mother’s place.

For now, I suggest you worry less about stopping your grandmother from looking for a new bride for your father and focus more on having an honest conversation with him about your feelings and fears. He is the person who will ultimately decide what to do and he is the one who needs to know how you feel, so he can keep your feelings in mind when making the decision.

At this point, you may not be able to control what will actually happen, but you can make sure your feelings are heard. Also, whatever happens, please don’t assume the worst before it has actually happened.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, June 28th, 2026