Elon Must has become a trillionaire. World’s first since marhoom King Midas. Zara imagine karo! Now, Must can buy all the Birkin bags he wants. Even the lizard and alligator skin walay Birkins, with 18-carrot gold hard wear, entrusted with diamonds.
He can also buy as many Gucci shoes as he likes. And he never has to do bore, bore things like the dhobi ka hisaab and kitchen ka kharcha. What he will do with the diamond entrusted Birkins I don’t know, but Janoo was saying he has 14 children. Maybe he’ll give them to his daughters in their jahez.
But hearing that Elon Must has a lot many children surprised me, because I thought these days only the poors had so many children. The Old Bag’s cook in Sharkpur has 11 children. Our dhobi has nine — eight girls and one boy. Boy is youngest and is called Allah Ditta. We, of course, have just the one, our darling shweetoo Kulchoo. And even Janoo’s sisters, Cobra and Psycho, who are not as parrha likha or sophisty or, frankly, khaata peeta, as me, have only two each. But Janoo says that Elon is focused on having lots of white kids. Vaisay, who isn’t?
My cousin Bambi, poor thing, in the five years that she’s been married, she’s produced three girls one on top of the other and each one more darkish than the other. Her husband Billu — who is himself the only brother of four sisters — is showing moods to her now. And her sisters-in-law are openly saying kay chalo, if you’re a girl and white, that’s phir bhi okay, but to be a girl and black, I’m sorry, is criminal.
From trillionaires to dhobis and Trump’s Iran policy to America’s hidden poors, Butterfly attempts to understand the modern world…
What they are not saying is that their brother is the colour of a tava and his girls have all gone on him and not on poor Bambi, who is a bit short and dumpish but properly gora. But Billu is very khaata peeta naa, with a big import export business and so, naturally, no one can criticise him.
Luckily, I being white myself (and Janoo being lightly wheatish), we’ve produced a white child, so Elon Must will approve of us. Janoo also says Must is both crazy and nasty but, bhai, if we can’t criticise Billu Bhai for being black, then we definitely can’t criticise Elon Must for being crack. Banta nahin hai na. After all he’s a trillionaire.
Talking of cracks, Trump has declared peace with Iranians or not? Honestly, it’s become like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum for all of us who are having to pay petrol prices that fluctuate more than Mummy’s BP. One minute they’re up, next minute they’re down. Up down. Up down. And it’s all Trump’s fault. One day he says he’s doing sulaah with Iran, next day he says it is kutti. Bhai, make up your mind.
And he’s not even a Libran, you know, otherwise I would have understood kay, okay baba, it’s in his stars to be indecisive. He tau is Gemini, so he doesn’t even have that excuse. (As you can tell, I’m an expert in astronomy. Mera special interest hai na.)
But vaisay, Geminis can be very two faced. Ask me. Psycho and Cobra are both Gemini. So nice to me on my face and so catty on my back side. Trump is exact same. In talks with us and Iran, he is agreeing to everything, as long as Iran just opens the Straight of Hummus and lets the oils flow. But then, very next day, he gets out of bed and starts giving dhumkis that he’s going to destroy Iran.
Janoo says if Trump sounds bhai polar, it’s because he’s stuck up between a rock and a hard place. Rock is America’s purani pukki dosti with Israel (a bit like Amitabh and Dharmendra from Sholay) and hard place is economy of America, which is going down like foam from a cappochino.
Janoo also says — he’s very learned, naa — that America is full of poors and many of them are Trump’s jiyalas, and if they become poorer because of oil prices, then they will give Trump two tight slaps in the mid-term exams in America.
Vaisay, who knew that America also had poors? Chalo trillionaire na sahi, I thought everyone was at least khaata peeta and they all ate big, big burgers and rode in big, big cars and lived in big, big condoms on the beach. To learn that they are also living in bastis and eating daal roti is very disappointing. A bit like learning that there’s no such thing as Santa Claws.
Many years ago, @monimohsinofficial, novelist and journalist, outed
herself as The Social Butterfly
Published in Dawn, EOS, June 28th, 2026