According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word spoonerism  began appearing in the colloquial as early as 1885 when Spooner was 41. During World War II, he reassured his students, “When our boys come home from France, we will have “the hags flung out” (flags hung out).

Spoonerism and euphemism are two interesting phenomena of the English language; one creates comic effects while the other is inclined towards sophistication.

Spoonerism implies mutilating a word/phrase while euphemism involves replacement of an undesirable word/phrase with a pleasant one conveying the same meaning in its gilded form. To talk about spoonerism, in the first place, English has more than three times as many words as any other language -- 616,500 and growing at around 500 a year. Consequently, there is a greater chance that any accidental transposition of letters or syllables will produce rhyming substitutes that still make sense -- sort of. Reverend William Spooner (1844-1930) was the master or 'inventor' of spoonerism. It started with his slip of tongue (like “well boiled icicle” instead of “well-oiled bicycle”), but eventually became an ingrained habit for him. In fact, Spooner's mind was so nimble his tongue couldn't keep pace with it. The Greeks had a word for this type of impediment long before Spooner was born -- metathesis.

A lecturer in History at the New College, Oxford, Spooner gave his habit his name. According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word spoonerism began appearing in the colloquial as early as 1885 when Spooner was 41. During World War II, he reassured his students, “When our boys come home from France, we will have “the hags flung out” (flags hung out). He lionised Britain's farmers as “noble tons of soil” (sons of toil). Excited by patriotic fervour, he raised his toast to Her Highness the Queen Victoria “Three cheers for our queer old dean!” (“dear old queen”). Two years before his death at age 86, Spooner told an interviewer he could recall one of his trade mark bluffs. It was the one he made announcing, “Kinkerring Congs their Titles Take” meaning to say, conquering kings...

Other famous remarks/phrases attributed to Spooner are “a scoop of Boy Trouts” (troop of Boy Scouts), “right lane” (light rain), “showing leopard” (loving shepherd), “a half-warmed fish” (half-formed wish), “It is kisstomary to cuss the bride” (... customary to kiss the bride), “Can I sow you to another sheet?” (... show you to another seat?), “You have hissed all my mystery lectures” (... missed all my history lectures), “Is the bean dizzy?” (Is the Dean busy?),   “Go and shake a tower” (Go and take a shower).

Spooner's absent-mindedness went beyond his oral absurdities. He once wrote a note asking for a fellow lecturer at the New College to see him immediately about a matter. The note had a post-script informing the lecturer that the matter had been resolved and he no longer needed to see him. In the later days of his life, however, Spooner hated

the reputation gained for getting his words muddled.

Whereas spoonerism is the outcome of 'innocent' ludicrousness, euphemism requires skill to sugar-coat a bitter pill making it easy to swallow. It is a substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression in place of one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the addressee. The word comes from the Greek 'euphemo' meaning 'auspicious/good/kind' which, in turn, is derived from the Greek root-words 'eu' meaning good/well+pheme' meaning speech/speaking.

Examples of euphemism as a figure of rhetoric are myriad in common experience. I remember in my department from where I retired a few years ago, the dispatcher (a grade-10 clerical employee) one day informed the director administration in a plaintive tone that he wanted to marry but his designation was the main hurdle in the acceptance of his proposals. He requested him to change it in a befitting manner. The request was considered in the board's meeting and the members, taking a sympathetic view of his “genuine problem,” re-designated the post as “Controller of Dak” with no upgradation of post or allowing any additional monetary benefit. He was married immediately afterwards.

In London, a student who was an active member of the school's environment protection group was desperately looking for a summer job. One Sunday, while going through the newspapers, he stumbled on an ad. He cried out to his class-mates, “Environment protection has reached every community” and added excitedly, “This job is tailor-made for me!” The ad was entitled in bold letters, “Environment Protection Workers Needed.” Beneath the headline, the ad continued in fine letters, “Responsibilities waste-paper disposal, office cleanliness and restroom hygiene.” In other words, the advertiser wanted sweepers. Now, see the 'ups' witnessed by the word 'latrine.' It first became lavatory followed by toilet, bathroom, washroom, restroom and now just room (preceded by men's or women's).

The story of one Mr Smith of New York is all the more interesting. A few months before his retirement from an important position, the insurance company he worked for announced it would relocate in another state. Smith didn't want to move so late in his career. He came to know that the company was retaining ownership of its office building in NY. Hence, he inquired if he could stay on in some capacity. The only available job, they told him, was of a gardener. He trained with a horticulturist for a few weeks and then began his new duties. His family was worried about how he would cope with such a drastic and demeaning change until he came one evening with his visiting card which read “Alfred Smith, Plant Manager.”

Change of nomenclature of a post/profession does not cost anything, but it inculcates a sense of pride or at least mitigates the feelings of humility of the person concerned. As such, in some western countries, a 'window-cleaner' is known as 'Transparent Wall Maintenance Officer' and a maid-servant as 'Domestic Helper'. Even in Pakistan, sweepers are now (officially) referred to as 'sanitary workers, peons as 'naib qasids' and chowkidars as 'security guards.' The barber of yesteryear is today's 'hairstylist' provided, of course, he has a shop in a posh locality and charges exorbitantly. The same applies to a tailor who has gained the status of a 'dress designer'.

Sometimes euphemism helps you to cover up your exalted position and add a tinge of modesty to it. The work supervisor in a factory advised his subordinates “Don't think me as your boss. Just take me as a co-worker who's always right.” Some more examples of euphemism are 'pass away' for 'die', 'pass water' for 'urinate', 'answer a call of nature' for 'defecate,' 'visually impaired' for 'blind,' 'special children' for 'mentally retarded' and so on. Political leaders are never arrested; they are simply 'taken into protective custody.' When the term 'birth control' gained notoriety in Pakistan, it was first substituted by 'family planning' and later by 'population planning.' It was, however, noted that the people were obsessed with words like 'control' and 'planning' and, therefore, the latest terminology for birth control is 'population welfare.' Old age is taken as a curse and as such old people are called 'senior citizens' the world over.

In military operations, deliberate killing is 'neutralising the target' and killing by mistake is 'collateral damage.' When a soldier is killed by his own side accidentally, it is treated as 'friendly fire'. A terminally old patient is not 'dying' but 'fading quickly.' When he is dead, at last, he is called 'deceased'. Doctors do not speak of 'cancer' in the presence of a cancer patient; they term it as c.a. 'Retrenchment' being a symbol of unemployment was always agitated by trade union leaders. So, it was first replaced by 'downsizing' and later by 'rightsizing.' 'Interest' being religious taboo for a Muslim has been given the polished name of 'profit' while 'loan' is a 'deferred payment.' A very bad decision is 'ill-advised' whereas something of a poor quality is 'substandard.'

An American daily once carried a story headlined “Vandalism goes under the euphemism of souvenir-hunting.” If that be so, 'suicide attack' might one day be termed as 'ending life in public individually and collectively.” Personally, I am all for giving good names to persons, places and things. I endorse the views of Prince Charles who, in his 1989 address at the England's Thomas Crammer Schools Prize function urged teachers to give their pupils a “vision of greatness.” He cautioned, “If we encourage the use of mean, trite, ordinary language, we encourage a mean, trite, ordinary world.”