Dear Auntie,

I am writing to you because I have been struggling with family problems for as long as I can remember. I do not know whom to turn to and hope you can guide me.

My parents have been arguing for as long as I can remember, and these problems existed even before I was born. My older siblings grew up witnessing the same problems. Although my parents reconcile after their disagreements, the conflicts keep recurring, leaving me mentally and emotionally exhausted.

One of the differences between my parents is their educational backgrounds. My father is a teacher, while my mother never attended school. These differences are part of our family’s circumstances, and I feel that the issues between them have affected our family life for many years. Despite their reconciliations, they have not been able to put an end to these recurring conflicts.

Another sensitive issue concerns my family relationships. After his brother died, my father married his widow, who already had children of her own. These children are my cousins. However, I feel that my siblings and I are treated differently from them. This difference in treatment has added to the emotional difficulties within our family and has made our situation even more painful.

‘My Home Life is a Source of Stress’

How can I cope with my parents’ long-standing conflicts and the feeling that my siblings and I are treated differently from our cousins? Is there anything I can do to improve our family relationships without taking responsibility for problems that are beyond my control?

I do not expect you to solve our family problems, but I hope your guidance will help me understand how to handle this situation and protect my emotional well-being.

Yours sincerely,

A Distressed Daughter

Dear Distressed Daughter,

You have grown up witnessing this cycle of arguments and reconciliation, so it is understandable that you feel exhausted. But it is important to realise that your parents’ marriage is not your responsibility. Their disagreements, including their educational backgrounds and any other issues they have between them, are theirs to resolve. They may argue and reconcile on repeat, but you cannot control this pattern. You do not have to keep everyone happy or mediate every argument.

Regarding the situation with your cousins, it is obviously quite painful. Feeling that your father treats your cousins differently can leave you feeling rejected or less than them. It is difficult not to be upset about it. At the same time, you shouldn’t let comparisons determine your worth. There may be reasons for why he is treating them differently, which you may not be aware of.

Whatever the reasons, you deserve to be treated with love and respect. Focus on building healthier relationships with your siblings and cousins rather than competing with them for attention. They are not responsible for the decisions made by the adults in your family.

Most importantly, prioritise your peace of mind. When your parents begin arguing, you don’t have to listen, take sides or get involved. Give yourself permission to leave the room. Focus on your education, spend time with friends or siblings, or find a quiet space where you can relax.

You cannot choose the family you were born into, but you can choose how much family drama you carry with you.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
Auntie will not reply privately to any query.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, October 25th, 2026