Haw, what’s happened to the world? Everyone’s gone rabbit. Just look at the Youthis. Attacking Saudi like that. And that also bombing on Riyadh airport itself! Honestly, what cheeks!
Jonkers was there last week only, returning from Cairo. Waisay, Jonkers is also crack, naa. He went to Cairo to see a new museum that’s opened over there. Imagine karo. Going all that way when we’ve got a perfectly fine museum right here in Lahore only.
He said he went to see the mummys. I told him I could show him my own Mummy. And that also for free. He said but those mummys are four thousand years old. I said so’s mine but don’t tell her I said that, or she won’t give me her ruby tops. Mummy’s a bit sarrhial like that, unfortunately. She nurses drudges.
Haan, so going back to the Youthis and the Saudis, I didn’t even know they were enemas. Both Muslims and both neighbours and both speaking Arabic also and still doing like this. I asked Janoo who, as you know, is a suppository of all news and information, kay bhai, why are the Youthis and Saudis going at each other hammer and dongs? He said that Saudis had been fermenting unrest in Yemen for a long time, setting one group against another and causing a lot of khoon kharaba and that this is their badla. Bhai, I tau say kay hamesha apna business mind karna chahiye. Best hai.
Bombs are falling in the Arabian peninsula, the US continues to wage war, India is on an arrest spree and even Isloo is behaving strangely. But Butterfly has her priorities straight…
And I also practice what I breach. Now take example of when Nina asked me if I could suggest a rishta for her son. Now I happen to know kay her son has a white girlfriend in America and that the girlfriend used to be a boy before — zara imagine karo!
How do I know? Because me and Mulloo and Sunny and Baby, we all gossiped about him at our last kitty party for a full hour. So, when Nina asked, I reclined politely and said, “Nina, I’m sorry I don’t know anyone and, waisay bhi, I tau mind my own business.” Yeh hoti hai class.
Also Americans have gone rabbit. They invaded Afghanistan and Iran because they said kay these are cruel, crazy people stuck up in the Middle Ages because they do public hanging shangings, while we are the nice, modern types who only bomb and kill aam brown loags and destroy schools and bridges vaghera because hum un kay liye itna feel kartay hain naa. And now look how that Trump and his greasy chamcha, the War Minister, Hasgot or whatever his name is, are having their very own public execution of that doctor who killed 13 American soldiers. Such hippocrits!
In India they are also going rabbit. Guvmunt has cracked down massively on cockroaches, who apparently have their own party now. Can you believe? Thousands of them have been arrested and thrown into jails. But they keep coming despite of the shut down and the curfews and tear gas and laathi charges and what all.
Talking of shut downs, poor Isloo waalahs, waisay. They’ve been through the mother of all shutdowns. Sunny had gone to Isloo to see her uncle who, poor thing, has been very ill with almost total lung collapse — he spent a whole week on a vibrator. Anyways, the day after she arrived, the lockdown started and she was stuck up there for two full weeks. Na koi aana, na koi jaana. Only crows and cheels could go in and out and maybe keerra makorras. Otherwise tau everyone was shut in to prevent the PTI waalahs from reaching Isloo.
But good news is Sunny’s uncle has made a miraculous recovery and is now sitting up in his bed having a big masala omelette and two, two toasts, much to the disappointment of his daughters-in-law, who had already started fighting over who gets to take his Persian carpets and who the silver tea sets.
Sunny is very reliefed to be back. She said she didn’t know what was worse: their screaming catfights or the imprisonment. I said to her, “Chalo, thanks God you’re not a cockroach, otherwise who knows when you’d have come out of prison?” She gave me a weird si look. I’m sorry to say, but I think so that Sunny may also have gone a little bit rabbit.
Many years ago, @monimohsinofficial, novelist and journalist, outed herself as The Social Butterfly
Published in Dawn, EOS, October 18th, 2026
