Dear Auntie,

My 24-year-old nephew has completed his undergraduate degree in cyber-security. Instead of pursuing a job in that field, he is currently helping at his father’s shop. His father, who is getting old, believes that a family member, specifically the son, should be present at the shop. Although there are employees who manage the daily work, the father feels that the owner’s presence is important to supervise the business, maintain customer relationships and ensure that the shop opens on time each morning.

However, the son usually wakes up late, so his father continues to open the shop himself. When the son is at the shop, he completes customer requests when approached, but he rarely takes initiative. He does not actively greet customers, ask what they need or try to increase sales. During quiet periods, he spends much of his time on his cell phone.

The father’s view is that a salaried job may not provide the financial security needed for his son’s future. He believes that expanding and improving the family business offers greater opportunities. The son’s friends are mostly unemployed. He spends time with them outside the shop, and the family is unsure whether they influence his thinking or discourage him from pursuing a career.

At home, the son keeps to himself. After returning from the shop, he goes directly to his room and spends most of his time on his cell phone. He rarely talks to family members, particularly his mother. His mother continues to take care of all his personal needs and he has very few personal responsibilities at home.

‘My Nephew Seems To Lack Direction’

The family does not know what the son actually wants. They are uncertain whether he wishes to pursue a career in cyber-security, continue with the family business, get married or has some other plans. He is allowed to take money from the shop for his personal expenses. Occasionally, he goes out with friends for meals.

Should we take him for counselling?

Concerned Uncle

Dear Concerned Uncle,

Instead of asking “How do we motivate him?”, perhaps the better question to ask is, “What does the boy actually want?”

Let’s see things from another perspective. Your nephew has a degree in cyber-security but is working in the family business. Many family businesses offer a better future than jobs, but this boy never really chose this path. So it is not surprising that he doesn’t seem interested. At the same time, you shouldn’t assume that he wants a career in cyber-security either.

His father should have a conversation with him to understand what he is thinking. It is important not to lecture him during this conversation. Listen to what he has to say and ask him what he wants for himself. If he doesn’t know the answer yet, this conversation may be the push he needs to start thinking about it.

The concerning thing is that there seems to be very little real responsibility regarding the business. His father continues to open the shop, and he is allowed to take money for personal expenses. Please remember that too much comfort can also stunt his growth. If he continues to work at the family business, he needs to be more serious about it. If he chooses cyber-security, encourage him to get a job. Skills learnt in a professional environment can benefit the family business later, should he decide to join it at some stage.

Counselling may help if he seems unhappy in general. But before seeking professional help, it is a good idea for your nephew to have a conversation with his father.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, July 26th, 2026