Hello Auntie,
My problem is my ex-suitor, who doesn’t stop interfering in my life.

This man spent three years convincing me that he’ll be with me for a lifetime (as I had initially declined the idea owing to our personality clash). This convincing made me fall for him, thinking of him as a genuine soul. However, as soon as I accepted, he stepped back and shifted abroad. He kept confusing me. His narratives changed daily. I had multiple break-ups and patch-ups with him. It reached a point where I couldn’t even tell when we had broken off our relationship or when we were back together. The story took a turn when I, perceiving the toxic pattern, called it off.

Then, he started suggesting ways to deal with the break-up. He texts me daily, telling me he loves me still, but he can’t marry me and that fate might unite us. He says he “feels sad for me.” Maybe, by trying to help me, he feels good about himself, giving him something to justify his act of abandonment in front of his friends, but this interference does not let me move on. I believe the compassion and love he shows, which he doesn’t really have, stems from his desire to protect his image.

Being a narcissist, he wants validation and attention. For instance, once he gave the reason that my family and I are ‘inferior’ and hence he has to leave. His ‘help’ revolves around insulting me. It’s the fourth year and I’m sick of his stories. I have blocked him multiple times, but he does not stop. I loved him with all my heart and gave him a thousand chances. I only wanted honesty. But he’s not a man of his words. I’ve accrued damage. How do I put an end to his games?
Just-want-peace

‘My Ex Keeps Stringing Me Along’

Hi Just-want-peace,
It is very troubling to hear about what you have been enduring due to the manipulative behaviour of your ex-suitor. It is disturbing to learn how he toys with your emotions, offering false promises and changing narratives, all the while inflicting pain and creating confusion.

What is positive in this situation is that you do understand that his actions are not only disrespectful, but also deeply hurtful. No one deserves to be treated as a mere pawn in someone else’s game of emotional manipulation. Tactics like his insults and belittlement are ways to maintain control and feed his own ego.

While you have shown remarkable strength and resilience in dealing with this man, it is important to acknowledge the injustice and indignity of his behaviour. No amount of supposed compassion or false love can excuse the harm he has caused you. Worse still, it seems he is continuing to try and manipulate you.

I urge you to remain firm in your decision to end this relationship, and the first and most important step is to cut off all contact with this man. That means that you should block his phone number, unfollow or block him on social media and avoid interacting with him in any capacity. This is about creating a clear boundary to protect yourself from further harm or discomfort. Resist the temptation to engage with him or respond to any attempts at communication, as this will only keep the cycle of manipulation and distress going. Don’t worry about coming across as heartless. The actual heartless one in this situation is this man, who is emotionally abusing someone he claims to love.

You are worthy of genuine love, respect and honesty in any relationship. Don’t allow his toxic games to define your worth or dictate your future happiness. Stay firm in your boundaries and prioritise your wellbeing.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 28th, 2024