Hello Auntie,

I am a 27-year-old housewife and have two beautiful daughters and a loving husband. But I am very depressed because my husband’s dream was to marry a well-educated woman, as he is a well-educated man.

I was doing my Bachelor’s when I got married but, when my result came after our marriage, I had failed to graduate. At that time, I couldn’t continue my studies because I was pregnant.

Sometimes I feel ashamed in front of my husband when he is dealing with or having conversations with working women and ladies who are well-educated. Now I have a family and I live with my in-laws and, whenever I think about starting my studies, I am confronted by my responsibilities. Please help me Auntie, I am very depressed. What should I do?

Housewife

‘I feel ashamed for not having a degree’

Dear Housewife,

Think a little long-term. If you want to continue your studies, think about what you want to do with your degree. Do you want to get a degree for the sake of getting a degree? Just so you can tell people you also have a degree? Or do you want to use the degree to get a job or start your own business? (For the latter, you don’t need a degree.)

You have said that you feel ashamed when your husband talks to educated and working women, so I think what you are really looking for is confidence.

I would strongly urge you to stop comparing yourself with others. First thing, get off social media. In most cases, you are only seeing happy pictures and posts and not hearing the real ‘BTS’ (Behind-the-Scenes) story, which is far from picture-perfect. Remember that everyone has their challenges, even the well-educated and working women you admire. In fact, some of them might even be happier with the more relaxed lifestyle of a chill housewife.

This is not to say that you should continue the way you have been. Start thinking about ways in which you can carve out the time to do things for yourself. If you want to complete your degree, restart that. If that doesn’t seem possible at this point, think about another, more useful course that you can do. Find a course that teaches skills you want to learn. There are many options out there, and some of them are really good and are being offered at throwaway prices.

Also, change how you talk to yourself. Instead of referring to yourself as somebody who couldn’t complete her degree, think about what you have accomplished instead. There must be something that you are good at and proud of. For instance, if baking is your superpower, tell yourself that you are an ace baker, rather than someone who doesn’t have a degree. Change the narrative playing in your head.

As a society, we have to change the way we think about education. A degree might help you land a job. However, in many cases, it doesn’t equip you to do the job well or deal with workplace drama. For people who aren’t very academic, gaining a skill that can help them make a living can be far more useful than getting a degree that filled their heads with a bunch of theories and hypothetical situations. The world needs professionals with degrees, but it also needs skilled people.

If you don’t want to do a degree or a course, simply start a project or join a cause. Anything to break the monotony of your housewife life. If you are artistic, start an art project. If you like reading books, join a book club, or start one. If philanthropy is your thing, help raise funds for a worthy cause. Devote a part of your day to whatever rocks your boat.

I know I say this in nearly every response I write, but I cannot emphasise this enough. Start taking care of your health by sleeping, exercising, and eating well. If you stick to it, it has the power to change your day and your life. You will automatically have a good day when endorphins are racing around your body after a sweaty exercise session, making you and your cells very happy.

Finally, every day be less judgmental and kinder to others. And don’t sit around waiting for things to change. Seize the day!

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.

Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, January 2nd, 2022